Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Medical treatment-my body my decision?

81 replies

mydecision · 27/07/2015 20:22

AIBU to think I should be entitled to make my own decision regarding medical treatment ?

Recently I had IVF, after my previous pregnancy resulted in me being unable to conceive again without assistance (I had also had placenta praevia and a small area of accreta)
Before coming to the decision to have IVF we had counselling and tests to check all was a swell as could be

The clinic were happy for us to go ahead but when my GP got the letter all hell broke loose, they called me in to discuss this and I wrote back stating that I had made my decision and did not feel I needed to discuss it as had already done so with our consultant
I then got an email from clinic stating that the GP had reservations about us having more treatment??? I feel this is grossly overstepping the mark

I'm upset, I want to complain. It's stressful enough as it is without interference

OP posts:
Original poster
mydecision · 27/07/2015 20:59

We are paying (11k so far so hopefully it works this time!)

OP posts:
YeOldeTrout · 27/07/2015 21:00

xpost, no it's not fair that you have all these extra stresses & procedures. Deffo you have every right to whinge about that as much as you like.

londonrach · 27/07/2015 21:07

You need to see your gp to find out her or his concerns. If health related you need to listen x

titchy · 27/07/2015 21:09

You're assuming everything - every post you write says 'I assume it's because .......' But you haven't actually bothered to find out!

Original poster
mydecision · 27/07/2015 21:14

That's true, I just didn't want to be questioned over my decision as it took us years to get to that decision and we had so much counselling, so many appointments and once I'd come to my decision I just wanted to get on with things rather than be questioned again hence my reluctance to go and speak to the gp and why I wrote instead

OP posts:
WayneRooneysHair · 27/07/2015 21:16

OP you really need to see your GP, otherwise how do you know what his/her reservations are? Hmm

Original poster
mydecision · 27/07/2015 21:18

Tbh in many ways I feel it's irrelevant as the clinic and our consultant are the ones who are tally important but I've always liked my gp surgery and I want them to be supportive of us

I could just change gp but I don't really want to so I'll go. It's just difficult as I hate having to justify our decisions and go through all the tests etc we've had done when if i hadn't been so unlucky we would just ttc normally

OP posts:
AspieAndNT · 27/07/2015 21:26

What a complete "non-issue". You have caused yourself stress by not finding out what the GP actually wants and are just "assuming"everything.

FFS - just go and see them

Purplepoodle · 27/07/2015 21:28

Does your gp have copies/aware of your private counselling sessions, consultations with fertility clinic consultant. Nhs standardly copy everything to gp for your records - private place may not have done the same.

They could want a full picture of the situation and make sure you have been made aware of all the consequences and had full support u need

Original poster
mydecision · 27/07/2015 21:28

I think it's just something I find difficult having had to come to terms with what happened, then making a decision after a lot of thinking etc and wanting to just get on with things

OP posts:
Original poster
mydecision · 27/07/2015 21:29

The summary letter from the consultant was just a brief summary but the gp was aware I'd had a hysteroscopy and u/s scans

I also informed them in my letter of the private counselling I'd had so they are aware

OP posts:
GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 27/07/2015 21:38

YABU. i can see that you want support with what has been a very hard decision. However your GP isn't there to support your decisions, you GP is there to make medical decisions in your best interest using their medical knowledge. Whether or not you choose to listen is up to you, but they don't exist to just agree with you I'm afraid. You should have a conversation with that GP. Listen to their concerns, explain how you feel and then once you have, of course yes, the decision is yours. Your GP would not be doing their job properly is they had concerns and didn't express then.

Original poster
mydecision · 27/07/2015 21:41

I understand that but I've been through all the risks etc with a counsellor and the consultant. It was a difficult decision and now i just want to focus on the treatment having made our decision rather than revisiting all that with the gp

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 27/07/2015 21:42

A lot of thinking doesn't make up for not quite enough information, op. Talk to the GP. You're still trying to justify why you needn't bother. Why?

Original poster
mydecision · 27/07/2015 21:47

I had all the information I needed from my consultant who was very blunt about possible risks which is why I went away and had counselling before going back for tests and then making a decision
Nothing the gp can say will be anything I've not already heard and considered. I am aware there are risks but there are for everybody it's just making a decision and weighing up those risks is very hard.

I will go and see the gp but I'm not really sure what it will achieve as I already know the potential risks and have thought about them and it won't really serve a purpose for the gp to reiterate them knowing I've had the treatment surely?
I do however want to be on good terms with the gp so for that reason it is worth it, to have their support as much as I can

OP posts:
Fizrim · 27/07/2015 21:49

YABU. Your GP sent a letter saying that they would need to see you before supporting the course of treatment - you didn't see them and seem surprised that they haven't supported it. Very easy to fix.

Also, the clinic may be supportive but they have a financial incentive to be so - the GP does not have that link and will be casting a balanced view on proceedings. Please see them. The GP is not overstepping the mark in any way at all and I am extremely surprised that the clinic would treat you without the GP's approval.

UrethraFranklin1 · 27/07/2015 21:50

No, its not always your body your decision. Nobody can ever make you do or take anything you don't want to (barring being court ordered to) but also you can't force medical professionals to do any treatment that they feel will put you at risk. First do no harm is the cardinal rule of medicine.

The GP isn't doing this for fun or to get at you. If they have a concern that a particular treatment might be harmful to you they have to do something about it. And you should listen.

Original poster
mydecision · 27/07/2015 21:54

The clinic made me very aware of potential risks to the point I went away sought counselling and returned for tests to further determine how high my risk would be
With all tests being ok I was able to proceed, the gp is aware of my tests and counselling.

It is not as if somebody has deemed 100% I would have the same complications, there is a slightly higher risk but not hugely and if I hadn't been unable to conceive normally this would not have been anyone's business except me and dh

OP posts:
Original poster
mydecision · 27/07/2015 21:57

I will go and see the gp though, what help it will be in not sure as they can advise me again of potential risks but that's all?
If I was still completely fertile it would be a case of they advise based on risk but ultimately it would be my decision so why is this any different ?
It's been a difficult time and I want to really just enjoy the possibility of being a parent again with support or if they can't give that support without any negativity at least

OP posts:
UrethraFranklin1 · 27/07/2015 21:59

Because it is different, you know that.

The fact that you can't accept the GP might have something useful to say suggests that you are not fully accepting of the process and the risks, despite the counselling.

Original poster
mydecision · 27/07/2015 22:02

But I have made my decision and after very careful consideration counselling and tests, it was not something we've entered into lightly or hastily

I really want that to be respected by the gp and to be able to concentrate on my treatment

OP posts:
Kayden · 27/07/2015 22:03

You need to speak to the GP first though. I would advise to be open minded and listen. YABU.

WayneRooneysHair · 27/07/2015 22:04

OP you almost seem to be justifying this to yourself, just see the GP.

Stratter5 · 27/07/2015 22:06

Oh fgs, 'aggressive letter'? That's a perfectly standard appointment request letter. And you still have no idea why they want to see you, because you haven't even asked.

Bear in mind you may be funding the IVF yourself, but your GP surgery is the one responsible for you afterwards. You could at least go and see them before dramatising all over the place.

titchy · 27/07/2015 22:07

Look for all you know the GP may want to tell you that the clinic you've used are a bunch of charlatans. He may not have any concerns about the risks to your health, he may not be concerned about your mental health. It might be something else. It might be all of the above. Until you go you won't know. And tbh your continued resistance and justification isn't convincing anyone that you have fully accepted those risks, which affect your family as well don't forget.

Swipe left for the next trending thread