It's not that difficult!!!!

[cookiemonster100]

Just need to rant. I feel every conversation with hubby is more complicated than it really needs to be. For example, LO has appointment tomorrow at at a specialist. It's on a day that I am working but hubby is off so he is taking him. Hubby arranges appt. So the conversation goes like this last night
me: what time is the appt
Him: not sure I need to find the piece of paper I wrote it on
Me: I thought you put it in your phone
Him: yeah but I didn't save it.
Me: (quietly seething) can you check.
Him: yeah I will ring then later

Speak today
Me: did you find out what time the appt is?
Him: not yet been busy
Me: (seething coz I am at work, kids at nursery he has the house to himself) ok but can you please check

Why of fucking why can't the conversation go like this
Me: what time is the appt
Him: Tuesday at 11am
Bosh! Job done, we can move on with the rest of our day.

My initial question was just out of interest but now it's because I worry he will forget as he is so faffy.
FFS!

or of it was just done to deliberately wind up your spouse. He gets to flake put of things and she gets labelled the nag/ problem. win win for a dh who's that way inclined

giles. I'm not sure I understand your point tbh; what you are describing is a dysfunctional relationship rather than a partnership.

If a spouse is deliberately 'winding you up', scoring points or (like the OPsDH) opting out of family life, then the future of the relationship is in doubt, surely?
If i thought my spouse was deliberately doing something badly so I'd take over, then I wouldn't be discussing who does what chore, I'd be asking him how we could change things in our marriage so that he became re-invested in it.

The DH hasn't "flaked out" or avoided doing anything so far. OP has just decided that he will do because he hasn't done things the way she would do them.

If he's already missed weddings, planes and other appointments I can understand why you're very annoyed.

I actually don't think it's controlling to ask him to find out the appt time, as he has past form for missing important events.

In your situation OP I'd actually insist he finds out the appt time.

"what time is the appt"
"I don't know"
"Can you find out now please"
"No, I'll do it later"
"I'd really like you to do it now then I can relax about this. This appt is important, I don't want you to miss it like you often do please can you find out now, then you know, I know, and we can all relax and enjoy our weekend".

Mary he may not have missed an appointment but he's missed lots of important events due to his disorganisation.

That's the point, isn't it bakeoff? The OPs DH isn't bothered. His DCs appt isn't important enough in his life for him to make the same effort that he makes for work appts.
Neither was the flight, or the wedding.

Either that, or he's confident that he will get there on time, despite previous form - in which case, he's doing his best, it's just not good enough for the OP.

As the mother of the child with the appointment, I really wouldn't care, at that point in time, what his reasons for not being able to state the time of the appointment.

I'd just want him to go and bloody well find out!

I hardly think continuing I'm your haphazard way and refusing to even try and be organised even when it's cost you important outings before is "doing his best"

his best would he some kind of effort to keep track.of things.

If he was sorry he'd make an effort to make a note of these things on his phone or a calender or post it on the fridge.

He's not sorry.

He obviously doesn't care.

of course op will be on the case.

Refusing to try isn't 'doing his best'.

It's possible to try really, really hard and still fall short of success.

I'm glad my DH is more tolerant of my weaknesses!

instill think your treating something so simple a child could do it, as being asked soooo much more.

I repeat. It's not asking a plumber to re wire your house.

It's asking an adult to pick up a pen and and write "11.30 dentist" on a calender

And I repeat - different people have different skills.
To you, it's just putting a date on a calendar. To someone else, it's a whole series of thoughts, recall and actions they find difficult. And repeatedly being told it's 'not difficult' doesn't help.

But, as the OP says her DH is quite capable of this at work, it's his commitment, not his ability, that is the cause.

I think she'd be better off addressing that than nagging him about every chore.

Mary he may not have missed an appointment but he's missed lots of important events due to his disorganisation

The OP isn't about him missing other appointments though. It is about a hospital appointment tomorrow i.e. an appointment he hasn't missed yet.

I'm with the posters who think that it's a bit antagonising to chase someone for detail about an appointment you're not going to yourself. Lots of people have asked how hard is it to write it on a communal calendar. Of course it's not hard, but if they don't have a communal calendar, then actually it's an entirely new process. If the OP wants to know everything, even things she doesn't really need to know because she's not going, then perhaps introducing a communal calendar is a good idea, but not something to expect someone to do without a discussion.

Also, think this is very different from missing a flight, would love to know more about that, because that IS somehting the OP was involved in and would be good to see what the husband did to lead to missing the flight.

Thought processes, discussions about calenders. antagonistic to ask that your dp who you know is crap at organising stuff remembered an important appointment?

give me strength.

He should care enough to make it so he didn't forget about it.

how do these people remember to sodding breathe.

I'm crap at organising too. so guess what. I put all dates on my phone. job done. takes seconds.

I really hope the guy gets to the appt tomorrow, off his own back. All this bloody angsting about something that might not even be missed.