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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

apparently ds would behave a lot better if I was stricter

80 replies

DorothyL · 26/07/2015 21:48

He is on the spectrum and has a myriad of behavioural and health difficulties. He is really hard work, and we are working on/with him every day. But hey, apparently it's as easy as a few slaps to sort it out

Aibu to want to move to the outer Hebrides?

OP posts:

OllyBJolly · 27/07/2015 10:58

YABU

The Outer Hebrides are very wet and windy (but beautiful).

LovesYoungDream · 27/07/2015 10:59

Tell them to leave the parenting of your child to you and they should go have some
children of their own if they want to be a parent.

Lollypop27 · 27/07/2015 12:08

I think so many people don't understand autism/ASD/ADHD. I have heard so many times how 'there was no such thing when I was growing up' 'a good hiding is what they need'

If a smack was all a child needed to be better then people would have only smacked their children once and problem would have been solved.

Ignore them OP

exbrummie · 27/07/2015 12:36

I thought attitudes may have changed but obviously not, my mom got all these sort of commemts when db was young( he is in his 40s now)

Tangerineandturquoise · 27/07/2015 13:51

My favourite is
"I would never let my child behave like that"

mnistooaddictive · 27/07/2015 14:05

Can I join? People who have very meek children who are naturally rule following thing me that their children behave better than mine because their children know that they "just won't stand for it". Oh ok dd1 with ADHD will just behave if I tell her to. Why didn't I think of that?

I think I read somewhere that parents dealing with ASD/ADHD often have far superior parenting/behaviour management skills as they get the most practice!

Bullshitbingo · 27/07/2015 14:24

lollypop raises a good point though. A lot of my parents and their generation have a similar view (that they just need a bit of discipline) and I wonder if it's because autism just wasn't as visible when they were growing up? It certainly wasn't diagnosed in anyone they would have known, so their automatic response is to think of it as a made up thing. From their perspective all they see is a child being 'naughty' and not being dealt with in a traditional manner - of course they find it odd.

Genuine question, Is it that more children are autistic these days? Or is the belief that there were always this many and that they were just not recognised?

FundamentalistQuaker · 27/07/2015 14:38

Lots of older people can happily say this because 'in their day' their own children were never diagnosed and very little if anything was known about a lot of conditions. You could brutalise children into 'good' behaviour, like my left-handed father being beaten if he used his left hand and not his right. Fortunately our generation doesn't choose to.

Next time my mother starts on this topic I will be able to tell her that one of her children has ADHD, and not to scoff. I was diagnosed recently, aged nearly 50! I'm fairly sure my father must have had it and there is a strong chance DS also does. That'll learn her.

The only time this happened to me I told the woman how lucky I was to have come across an expert in Other People's Children just when mine were acting up.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 27/07/2015 14:44

I got a know it all bloke trying to give me parenting advice last week while I was having to restrain my very strong eight year old Aspie, who was aiming for flight the moment he lost the fight. I told him that unless he was an expert in ASD he needed to back off as he was making my son more agitated. He stood there for ten full minutes watching us, ignorant bastard.

MammaTJ · 27/07/2015 15:11

My DD just needs someone who hardly knows her to take her to one side and say 'You really must do as your Mummy tells you' to cure her ADHD.

I had already seen this happen to a friend and her son, so knew to expect it.

Atenco · 27/07/2015 16:17

You could brutalise children into 'good' behaviour

Actually, my dd who, as I say, did not have any particular problem could not have been brutalised into good behaviour, I learnt that early on. Some children are naturally docile and some aren't. I wouldn't have her any other way, but there is no one-size-fits-all way of parenting.

Original poster

DorothyL · 27/07/2015 18:40

And I could so do with somebody saying "shall I entertain ds for you for an afternoon to give you a break?" ????

OP posts:

PolterGoose · 27/07/2015 18:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

geekymommy · 27/07/2015 19:16

There especially is not a one-size-fits-all method of parenting that works for all kids, including those with neurological and developmental issues like autism and ADHD.
If parenting was so much better "back in my day", why is violent crime down (in both the U.S. and the UK)? It peaked in the 90's and has fallen since. (There are numerous theories as to why this is.)

Handywoman · 27/07/2015 19:16

'Have you tried a sticker chart'?

I had that little nugget suggested by a very well meaning and lovely work colleague recently, after the 20th episode of lateness due to dd2 pre-school sensory overload and trying on every single pair of socks in the house.

I think an actual tumble weed rolled across the floor then.

As you were.......

Tangerineandturquoise · 27/07/2015 20:19

My son's teacher tried to introduce a sticker chart and he roared "If I could do it for a stupid sticker I would just do it"
She tried the chart anyway Go on have a guess how it worked out

knackered69 · 27/07/2015 20:20

Dorothy - just

Original poster

DorothyL · 27/07/2015 23:49

Just?

OP posts:

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 27/07/2015 23:52

I think and are needed at the very least too.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 28/07/2015 11:03

I do like the idea of handing out cards...many thanks for your unwelcome /unasked child behaviour advice. I will hana fire on acting on your advice and will eagerly await your journal publications as you are clearly a Child Psychologist....
I am not going to minimise my DS' dignity by justifyung /explaining his needs to a bigot... Now F off...

wevecomeonholidaybymistake · 28/07/2015 13:16

devils

LeChien · 28/07/2015 13:32

You're all getting it wrong, you need to make them run, get them out for some exercise in the fresh air, because after all, he's just being a boy.
Unless you have a girl, then you're really doing it wrong because girls don't behave like that.
:o

Original poster

DorothyL · 28/07/2015 22:52

Ds very difficult today, then later kept saying "you're the best mummy - the loveliest mummy - the most wondeful mummy" ??

OP posts:

minilegofigure · 28/07/2015 23:07

Dorothy - it's exhausting and lonely but your little boys words sum it up. Wish I knew the answer to stop judgy people but keep doing what you are doing .
I used to be patient with other peoples arrogance and ignorance but have to say these days it just gets me down too.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 28/07/2015 23:10

If I could do it for a stupid sticker I would just do it Is actually the best and worse thing I've ever heard tangerine

Best because it's so self-awarely brilliant
Worst because it makes me think of lo the different strategies I've tried with ds. Which haven't worked. Cos if he could do it, he'd just do it.

Genuinely thanks for sharing that. Good lesson

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