About exH's wedding?

[MagicalHamSandwich]

So my ex is getting married again apparently. He's just phoned to let me know before the news goes out on social media etc. - which is really quite decent of him, actually.

Ex and I have our differences but we generally get along and have some sort of a quasi-friendship going.

Here's the thing: he's just made me 'the very first invitee' to his wedding. He also suggested I be a bridesmaid to his new wife (whom I've yet to meet - awkward!).

To top it off, apparently it's exMIL who insisted and told him she wasn't not having me there.

I think this all sounds rather inappropriate and rather awkward - arguably more so for the bride than for myself. I wouldn't exactly want me there if I were her. Apparently ever since we've been divorced ExH has been told he's an idiot for letting 'gorgeous, smart, successful and kind' Magical go. (I'm really none of the above ... ). I don't particularly want to be the gold standard to which his new wife is supposed to live up.

There's also the fact that I may feel a pang of jealousy - not because I'd ever want the ex back but because he's getting married and I've managed all of three dates since the divorce - all horrortastic failures.

Have so far stated that I may be in the US for work (true) and might not make it due to business commitments (not true - I could definitely get time off) to avoid having to commit myself.

Help me out here, MN, WWYD?

Just explain to your ex that while you wish him and his new wife the best you will not be attending the wedding as it is not appropriate. Then send a nice card and a bottle of champagne or something.

I wouldn't go. And I think it would be kind, if you ever meet or have contact with the bride to be, to tell her that you have no idea why exMIL is so keen to have you at the wedding as you always got the strong impression that you weren't good enough for her son when you were still married to him. I think hearing that would be a great comfort to her in future if your exMIL is making unfair comparisons between the two of you.

I was given advice that "the right thing" was to invite my ex to my wedding (as a guest). And "the right response" would be to politely decline. I think it's probably the best way to go.

Some men are very dense. Of course you shouldn't be the bridesmaid.

is your ex Adam Levine?
sorry - just kidding. kind of.
i wouldn't go, much less be a bridesmaid.

My husband's ex girlfriend was my bridesmaid . But they had been split up for almost a decade and she had been married to someone else for nearly 5 years. We had become very good friends, I'd moved away from where I'd come from to be with DH and his group of friends became mine and we were very close.

But you've never met this woman. If you'd met and were friendly being a guest might be understandable. But even then it a couple have actually been married being bridesmaid is inappropriate. I agree with people who have said MIL is using you as a stick to beat her with.

I also suspect your ex is hoping you will be overcome with jealousy and realise you can't live without him and that's why he's keen to get you involved and shove it in your face.

Could he have been drunk when he called you? I asked someone else to be bridesmaid when I was drunk and couldn't get out of it.

I feel so sorry for the fiancee. Poor woman really doesn't know what she's getting into - a dh with no sense of loyalty to her or concept of appropriate behaviour. A bitch of a mil.

You cant possibly go to this wedding. Agree that you would be doing to this poor woman what your mil did to you - making you feel not good enough.

In your shoes I would talk to my exh about the complete inappropriateness of what he's said and done and I would do this for the sake of his fiancee because it really does sound as if he shouldnt be contemplating marriage.

I wonder if MIL is hoping you'll stop the wedding. Because her son is such a catch and you were NUTS to leave him. ExH probably doing it to make you jealous.

Quick update: have phoned ex and told him I can't possibly make it as I'll definitely be in the US for work but thanks for the invitation.

I've also (yay for me! I'm the most non-confrontational person out there and find this hard!) told him that it would be inappropriate for me to be a bridesmaid and for him to even ask and that b) preventive action, I won't be dragging his new wife to my yoga class and girls' nights out when she moves here with him (we're both expats).

Felt scary but rather liberating!

He says he understands but I'm guessing I'll hear about b) again sooner or later.

You rock, well done for being assertive. Now run, run far away. You've dodged a bullet.

Well done you!

Well done! You've dodged a bullet there

Good work OP.

Dignity is priceless.

No way did this actually happen?!! Come on now, Is this one of those troll threads from someone looking for rom com material?

I think your reply sounds sensible. It was nice to be invited but the extent of your proposed involvement in the wedding was OTT. Feel sorry for bride and groom with interfering mother of groom trying to control who gets what job and invite.

WicksEnd and Jenenberry