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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To marry my friend?

60 replies

thegreenbackboogie · 25/07/2015 21:13

I'm seriously considering marrying my Australian friend so that I can move over there with DD. He's willing, my ex is OK with it - so I'm just wondering how it could work.

I know I'll probably receive some harsh responses but what do people think? AIBU?

OP posts:
Pommes · 25/07/2015 21:14

Would you be in a relationship with him, or would it be a marriage of convenience?

Purplepoodle · 25/07/2015 21:15

Presuming you would live with him. How would you financially support yourself? I'm guessing it's not that straightforward

squoosh · 25/07/2015 21:17

Why do you want to move to Australia so badly? Have you been there before?

simonettavespucci · 25/07/2015 21:18

I think you may find it harder than you think.

I don't know about Aus regulations, so you might be lucky, but I have plenty of friends in European-US marriages who have been thoroughly interrogated, forced to produce letters, photos, etc demonstrating their relationship, and faced long delays and financial restrictions even when they were genuinely married.

simonettavespucci · 25/07/2015 21:20

Also what about your DD's relationship with her DF? Is there a reason you want to move to Australia so badly?

GGabcd · 25/07/2015 21:21

It's not that easy. It take a lot more than a marriage certificate to emigrate.

And it should.

Wolfiefan · 25/07/2015 21:22

What would you tell your DD? Either I'm guessing you'd have to lie to her or expect her to lie for you?Confused

Goshthatsspicy · 25/07/2015 21:23

I don't think it would be the right thing to do.
Sort of build something on a lie.
You might get caught out. l imagine that'd prove stressful.

The5DayChicken · 25/07/2015 21:26

Gives your DD a piss poor example of what a marriage should be really.

chickenfuckingpox · 25/07/2015 21:28

friend friend or friends with benefits friend?

are you young enough to want another relationship what happens if you meet someone you actually want a relationship with while you're there?

does this guy fancy you? i cant see why anyone would agree to get married without some kind of incentive

will you be working? why cant you just apply for a working visa? you can get a job and go over there for a certain amount of time yes you would have to come home again after but wont your dds dad miss his child?

as the song goes there may be trouble ahead

you will end up in trouble if they catch you

midnightvelvetPart2 · 25/07/2015 21:31

Divorces are very expensive!

It's a terrible idea, what kind of relationship are you modelling for your dd, a marriage of convenience where you both have separate bedrooms and never show physical affection ?! What happens when you or fake husband meet somebody else? Or do you plan to marry, enter the country then go your own merry way?

Surely you can emigrate without being married? As plans go, it's rubbish.

burrito · 25/07/2015 21:32

You will be expected to show evidence of a "true and continuing" relationship that is expected to involve letters of support from friends/families of both sides of the relationship, phone bills, evidence of joint holidays, evidence of meeting up during the relationship. The phone interview in the early stages is a bit stressful too apparently.

As an Australian I have contributed letters of support for both a friend and a cousin, in both cases 2yrs after a wedding, a few kids and years of shared life. It won't be straight forward.

Original poster
thegreenbackboogie · 25/07/2015 21:40

I went to Australia on a working holiday visa a couple of years ago and I've wanted to return ever since. I lived with this 'friend' for a while when I was over there and met him through my ex.

I'm 25 and DD is 10 months old so she's too young to know anything yet. I admit it might be tricky to explain when she's older though.

It would be a fake marriage and I don't know whether we would ever actually be together properly. He's a really good guy though, and also a single dad!

DD's dad works away a lot and in a couple of years he will be posted to the Middle East for at least 2 years so will be missing out on a lot either way, he could fly to Aus instead of here to see her.

I would get a job over there and we also have family there in the same part so would have support from them.

Am I talking crazy?!

OP posts:
TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 25/07/2015 21:46

Yes you are talking crazy!

Not only are fake marriages just wrong anyway, but how are you going to make it all work out? When you are questioned about your relationship? Who is going to provide for you? Are you planning on living with this friend? How long for? What about his child? What about yours? What about divorce? Meeting someone? etc etc the list goes on.

MidniteScribbler · 25/07/2015 21:49

Yes.

If you don't qualify to move here legitimately, then you don't get to come.

PrimalLass · 25/07/2015 21:57

Sometimes you have to take a chance in life. However, you'd have to think very hard about what you are letting yourself in for legally. How hard is it to divorce there etc. do you think he likes you in that way?

tomatodizzymum · 25/07/2015 22:01

Speaking as someone who has been through the visa process for a genuine marriage (twice in each country) and as someone who has also been through the visa process for a couple of other countries (for husbands work) and speaking from experience of moving from the UK to an non-EU home twice, not to beat about the bush, you're crazy, this is going to be so much harder than you can even imagine. Research this very very very deeply and find out exactly what it requires.

lushaliciousbob · 25/07/2015 22:25

I wouldn't do it! Surely it's illegal?! If it isn't, then it should be! I imagine the process would be LONG you'd have to prove so much so could take several years to work. Surely you'd be better doing it the right way?

Tinkypoooooooo · 25/07/2015 22:28

Your life, your choice.

Original poster
thegreenbackboogie · 25/07/2015 22:34

I'm not sure whether it's illegal or not. I'd love to do it the proper way but my job isn't on the shortage list so I'd have to retrain etc. Ahh I think I'm going to have to scrap this idea Sad

Maybe I'm just kidding myself and thinking that the grass would be greener over there but at the same time, it's my dream and I would love DD to grow up in Australia.

OP posts:
Sansarya · 25/07/2015 22:34

It's extremely difficult to get into Australia when you're in a genuine relationship, let alone a fake one! I know someone who was trying to get her husband a spousal visa and the fact that they were married, had a kid together and another one on the way was not enough proof! They had to get six months of shared bills together, ask friends to write sworn statements that they were a real couple, give details of how they met and got together etc etc. So I think you might struggle OP.

LongHardStare · 25/07/2015 22:39

I don't know whether we would ever actually be together properly

This bit of your post stood out to me. It may or may not make sense to marry for the visa in general, but I think it would be a mistake to do it without being really clear what the arrangement is and what the boundries are.

DrDre · 25/07/2015 22:44

Muriel's Wedding?

textfan · 25/07/2015 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhBigHairyBollocks · 25/07/2015 22:51

Yes, it's illegal. It's called a sham marriage.

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