catering for special dietary requirements at family occasions

[Luggage16]

Thoughts please! Kids have food intolerances (if they eat these foods they have awful tummys, sometimes to the point of accidents). Is it unreasonable to think family would cater for this at a low key (i.e. food organised by family) christening or are they reasonable to ask us to bring them a packed lunch? Apparently even keeping the packaging so we could check ourselves is a hassle.

I have friends who manage to cater for them fine at parties and a lot of party foods are suitable (it is simply a case of checking the allergy advice for 2 ingredients). It's not a huge gathering so not like they are a tiny proportion of the people going. They are also the only other children in the family. Feeling a bit annoyed at being expected to either take a packed lunch along to church with us or leave it festering in the car or else have to come home inbetween the christening and the reception (at family members house) to pick it up. They did ask whether breadsticks and carrot sticks would do them (they are 5 and 8 and it will be a midday christening so not possible to eat before hand and no idea how long it will go on for).

Am trying hard not to not feel huffy over it as we are looking forward to celebrating with them but I do feel sad they aren't considered important enough to cater for and I can't imagine it would be considered reasonable if we did the same when the christened child is at an age where they may need catering for at anything we do.

I think YANBU.They could at least make sure a few dishes are suitable so that your chn feel included.My dd has a nut allergy and I find that some family are great and others i'm sure think i'm making it up saying things like " oh there never used to be all these allergies years ago!" Well, quite but that doesn't help my dd when her through closes up and she feels faint does it? Some allergies or intolerances are easier than others, so for my dd puddings and cakes are the trickiest area.
However, I think for your own peace of mind you will have to provide a couple of the dishes. Can you not get them to the house/venue beforehand so they don't 'fester'?

throat closes up!

I understand how you feel, I have a dd with a food allergy. It can be hurtful when others don't take it seriously and sometimes it just takes time and a bit of education. I always offer to bring a dessert because that is a dodgy area for my dd and at least i'll know and she'll know that she an have one of the puddings. I'm not offended. I do feel that the onus is on the parents to check and you have offered to do that. Sometimes it is easier and you will relax more knowing that they are safe so bring your own and put it out amongst the buffet and make sure your chn know what's for them. Then they won't have to sit there with a packed lunch.

We have many severe allergies here so taking our own food for DC is a given.

However, keeping the packaging so you can check is not a hassle they are being a bit of an arse imo.

I do wonder if they maybe don't believe you/take it seriously.

Friend's DS has severe soya & dairy intolerance. She says that it's a complete nightmare catering for him, has to spend ages reading labels & even then not sure she's got it right sometimes. She says that forms of soya are in everything processed, almost.

So I'm a bit on the fence wrt those foods together. I don't think it's that easy to be totally sure unless you teach your food-intolerant child to stick to things that have no realistic possibility of contamination (whole fruit, undressed salad, plain rice, real meat, etc).

The thing is, it's not the hosts doing the catering, is it? Or have I misunderstood, didn't you say it was one of the hosts' relatives going the catering? Perhaps they don't feel able to insist the relative catering provides specific food or keeps the packaging when they are already providing the buffet for them.

Why wouldn't keeping all the packaging be a huge hassle? And how long would it take for OP to go thru all the wrappers carefully?

Caterers would need to make sure to keep at least one copy of the ingredients list for each and every food item present. In what... a big black bin bag? full of margarine pots & flour bags & pre-mix pastry wrappers? Someone would have to draw up a list ahead of time and remember to grab packaging & get it into the bag in the midst of any last minute purchases or substitutions. Some items (like huge bags of flour) might not have ingredient lists on the packaging, so the caterers would have to get a paper copy of it elsewhere (?)

I don't do catering, so is that kind of ingredient tracking normal for small budget caterers? On top of the cost-tracking they need to do? From I've seen about how small-business caterers operate, that would be a big ask to keep track of every bit of packaging.

in your relatives shoes I would have asked you for advice on items they definitely can eat and made a point of having some of those to hand.

Can understand it might be more of a hassle if a large or professionally catered gathering but for a small family get together I think it's poor hosting to just say bring your own.

I think making sure a few thing are ok for them would be polite. Asking you to supplement with packed food seems sensible, just take a cool bag. But I can't imagine where you would keep a pile of food packaging in a kitchen already choc full with buffet food, drinks glasses and napkins. Surely it would smell as food would be on it, needs to be bin or recycling. Where would you look at it? Also host may not want people to see where food is from or see the yellow reduced labels! It is also onerous to ask them to check if they misread or misunderstand and your child is ill.

I generally just cater for all. However there was one little boy who came over for a party and he had several allergies. I was terrified of making him poorly by accident and in the end asked the mum if she minded bringing a packed lunch for him.

It may not be that they can't be bothered to cater, but are simply afraid of the responsibility.

My 5 year old DD has a full on allergy to cows milk protein and soya protein and was diagnosed with blood tests when she was 18 months old after falling from 25th to 2nd percentile for weight along with eczema on her face, serious cramps and diarrhoea and inflamed genital area. This coincided with when I stopped breast feeding and introduced more dairy.

Some people thought we were being faddy and wouldn't take it seriously but with the help of a dietician from the hospital we now have it under control and she is growing normally and is able to have school dinners (they provide a dairy and soya free meal) and eat pretty much the same types of food. We buy waitrose best of both type bread (lots of bread has soya in it) and you quickly learn what food is okay... she also has piriton from the doctors daily to counteract any accidental contamination...

With regards to being catered for at events, or visits to family I always take oat milk and a few snacks but can usually identify a few things she can have and she will also ask servers if it's got dairy and soya in. And if course I take her meds so if she does have anything we can counteract it....

I think it's a shame that your relative can't go to the effort of thinking of a couple of milk/soya free options to have on offer. If it's a buffet it's really not that difficult.

I've been so lucky. I have a severe nut allergy and as a child was also allergic to dairy. I never had to take a packed lunch to a party. My friend's parents were fab - one of them even made her dd's birthday cake dairy-free so that I could be part of the cake-eating (this is was exceptionally kind and not something I or my parents would ever expect). As an adult I am lucky to have friends who cater for me at their dinner parties/other events. I am always grateful to people for making such an effort for me. I am not 'entitled' but because I've been so lucky that friends/family have always been so willing to cater for me I now might be a little surprised if I was asked to take a packed lunch to an event.

Could you offer to take a couple of contributions that your kids can eat?

You say the relative in question is a veggie? The childish side of me wants to say that next time you invite her to an event request that she bring a packed lunch... (I would never actually do this).

You describe your DCs issue as an intolerance not an allergy. Has the intolerance been medically confirmed or have you just found out through experience? I'm wondering if family member is challenging the intolerances in a PA way.

In my house the rules are simple. If the food restrictions are due to a medical issue then I'll cater for you. However if you are fussy or following the latest fad then too bad. You eat what you are given or starve. However, there are always a variety of omnivore and vegetarian dishes available.

I think it's pretty easy to mix a jar of tomato sauce, a bit of ham or cooked chicken if you like and some pasta for a kid with a dairy and soy allergy. Easy to keep 3 items of packaging. But they probably are feeling pretty stressed with organising the event and feel any extra requirements go beyond their limted ability to cope. If they have experience of a food issue then they'd probably be a bit more flexible. Try not to let it spoil your day, your dd will have to cope with this kind of situation frequently, she will learn how to deal with it from watching you and having a child who thinks the world revolves around them is not a good thing imo.

I have family with serious food allergies, and always try to cater for them in some way when they visit. I do understand is its outside catering perhaps they cannot guarantee things and would rather not be responsible for a sick child.

Luggage the restaurant had a vegan option. We'd checked before we booked. They just decided they didn't want to eat it. Anyway, sorry for derailing your thread and I hope the Christening goes well.

Christening was lovely and kids had a great time :)

We took some bits with us which was wise as there wasn't much they could have. We did realise while we were there though that a couple of other people had food issues too so understandable they couldn't cater for everyone (though with a couple with dairy issues I think I would have tried had it been me).

They did make sure the christening cake was suitable for all though so that was really thoughtful (and much appreciated by the kids). They also managed to keep some of the packaging so we knew what was and wasn't ok.

The milk and soya issue is confirmed by GP but not with medical tests (the difference between with and without milk is extremely apparent though so not much to dispute - my kids literally never had a solid bowel movement until we removed these from their diet!). They have other health issues though in which food intolerances seem to be more common. Tbh really not a lot for them to dispute, though I guess they might. It's the same side of the family (but not same people) who were happily cracking hard boiled eggs at a xmas buffet the day after our daughter had a severe reaction to egg as a baby as they 'hadn't realised it was so bad'. She was given an epi pen for it soon after so at that point they realised we weren't just being precious. Thankfully the egg thing has been outgrown now! That was much more worrying than the milk thing

That's good lugagge glad you and your chn could enjoy the day.

I have coeliacs disease so I can't eat gluten and I always take my own food or at least offer it. Especially at a christening where there might be a lot to think about. It's not unreasonable for them to ask. Surely you could drop the food off at theirs first? Also some people don't read packaging properly so would you want to risk it?