catering for special dietary requirements at family occasions

[Luggage16]

Thoughts please! Kids have food intolerances (if they eat these foods they have awful tummys, sometimes to the point of accidents). Is it unreasonable to think family would cater for this at a low key (i.e. food organised by family) christening or are they reasonable to ask us to bring them a packed lunch? Apparently even keeping the packaging so we could check ourselves is a hassle.

I have friends who manage to cater for them fine at parties and a lot of party foods are suitable (it is simply a case of checking the allergy advice for 2 ingredients). It's not a huge gathering so not like they are a tiny proportion of the people going. They are also the only other children in the family. Feeling a bit annoyed at being expected to either take a packed lunch along to church with us or leave it festering in the car or else have to come home inbetween the christening and the reception (at family members house) to pick it up. They did ask whether breadsticks and carrot sticks would do them (they are 5 and 8 and it will be a midday christening so not possible to eat before hand and no idea how long it will go on for).

Am trying hard not to not feel huffy over it as we are looking forward to celebrating with them but I do feel sad they aren't considered important enough to cater for and I can't imagine it would be considered reasonable if we did the same when the christened child is at an age where they may need catering for at anything we do.

just caught up with the other replies - my kids are far from fussy and will eat pretty much anything put in front of them. I am really lucky in that respect as that would be worse than the intolerances I think!

My son is coeliac and I always ask before hand - I'm not offended if I have to cater for him. I am offended if they don't tell me before hand and we turn up and there is nothing for him. Or they say they will cater and we turn up and his option is a snack not a meal.

I think I would try to accommodate food intolerances of guests, although it might mean a little less choice of things to eat - but seriously, offering carrot sticks and breadsticks is really a "couldn't give a shit attitude".

When I have friends for dinner, one of them is a coeliac so the menu is such that we all eat the same and it's safe for her.

It's very socially isolating to not be able to eat what others are tucking in to. Why would someone intentionally do that to a guest?

Are the kids on the ball with it? Would they know what a plate of safe food would consist of?

Can you ask them to make the sandwiches without butter in so the kids can have them, sell it to them as being healthy eating ?

How bad is the dairy? Can they eat eggs? Pastry? Some of my family can have cooked milk Or cheese but not fresh milk or cheese so could at a stretch have pizza etc

Tbf asking people to keep the packaging of all the ingredients is a hassle. I think you shouldn't be offended at bringing a few meals of your own.

At my wedding of 30ish people I had 1 coeliac, 1 gluten/dairy intolerant and 1 dairy allergic person.

No fucking way was I going to be so rude as to leave them with no food or cake!!! My MoH baked gluten free vegan cupcakes, we made sure the reception menu had decent labelling (there are also vegetarians in the family) etc. It wasn't exactly difficult

Nor is reading a few labels to make sure you don't make guests to your home ill. Yanbu

I think asking people to keep the packaging is perfectly reasonable, i can't quite believe someone would refuse to do this for a guest. I guess some people don't know how to host generously.

I wouldn't necessarily make the whole menu to cater for a specific allergy, but I would make sure that there were enough options available.

But everyone I know with intolerances, allergies or preferences would offer to bring something they could eat. Where I am, christening a are usually pot luck, with guests all offering to bring something, and then it's all laid out for people to help themselves.

I think people are often scared that they will overlook something, misunderstand something, or end up with items that are accidentally contaminated, so feel happier when someone caters for themselves. It is all very well to say that you would be happy to do it, but if they are relying on the generosity of another family member to prepare the buffet and that person isn't confident catering for food intolerances then I can see why they wouldn't want to promise you anything that they weren't sure they could deliver.

I think they're probably just overwhelmed organising the christening and catering specifically for 2 DCs (who they obviously think won't eat that much) seems like too much hassle.

Offering to bring extra is a nice gesture.

DH has lots of allergies and tbh he always makes a point not to mention the food or make an issue at any events. He'll pick out stuff he can eat and if there's nothing then he'll have some snacks with him. In contrast DB and DSIL are vegan and make every family event about them with requests to speak to the caterers, making us change restaurants mid-starter . I know who I'd rather have as a guest.

I think it's good for your DCs if they can learn to adapt, bring their own in preparation and not feel that they have to be treated 'specially' all the time. Obviously they're too little for those lessons just now but they're good habits to develop.

and in complete contrast to all I have just said when I host family events I make all the courses vegan so everyone can eat easily

I have a DC with multiple allergies, who us also incredibly fussy. I would always take food anyway somewhere like that as a back up, even if the host had offered to cater, as I am wary of trusting that others are as careful/clued up as me! But a a host myself I would always be happy to cater for allergies etc.

I would make a lovely lunch for your dc and drop it round at theirs to put in the fridge before the christening

aplace making you change restaurant mid-starter? What the?

Spermy yy I was so it was one of the worse examples of entitled behaviour ever. However, I simply smiled (whilst mentally deciding never to invite them to a restuarant again). I think I faked being a gracious host really well although if any of my relatives are on here then I've just totally blown it

aplace So everyone downed tools, left restaurant & had to relocate to somewhere else that could fit you in? I'd've had a fit of the vapours. What didn't they like? Were the guests royal? This is the stuff of nightmares.

omg the restaurant story is awful!

They are very used to taking their own bits places and I have taught them that if they get given something they can't have as a gift or a prize to say thank you and not worry as I will swap it for something they can have instead.

I think its the family link that threw me (I can't picture anyone in my family not catering for them) but the person catering is her husbands family not mine/my husbands so that extra step removed from us. We have bought some packs of food and some bread they can have so will take those round to share.

With restaurants we tend to suggest places we know are safe or accept the kids can generally have chips anywhere so there is usually something they can have.

Did you have to pay for the ordered but uneaten food? If I were a guest I'd never do this. I've struggled to find items on a menu that I'd like & once the least offensive dish was pig tail, but I'd just push it around the plate & declare it delicious.

Luggage I don't think it's a good idea to rely on those who don't have to deal with the consequences. It would be nice if they made the effort but you might spend the whole time at the event feeling uneasy.

Spermy yy we went to another restaurant (which did involve another long wait for a table - late at night - when I had small DC with me and a long drive back home I realise this sounds as though I'm making it up because it's so bad but honestly it's true ) We had to pay for the bread, starters and the opened bottle of wine in the first restaurant. I was so mad, I had to take DS out for a walk to let me calm down a bit

I was about the entire episode.

I am trying to picture a situation where a restaurant couldn't find a way of adapting something on the menu to accommodate a vegan diet. If you are that fussy you really should check out the menu before had not after people have already ordered! Shocked on your behalf - esp if you had to drag children with you too!!

If I was flustered and trying to organise something big like a large birthday party or christening, I would probably begrudge catering a fussy vegan (vegetarian is a bit easier)

But when it comes to food allergies particularly in kids, you cant be too careful. I would do my best to make sure they have plenty they could eat, they are family after all and op doesn't sound precious or entitled in any way like place's relatives!

A friend i don't see very often is vegan, recently went gluten free (no coeliac) and is raising her three DSs this way too. She is the most precious person ever about it and its so infuriating.
We also had to leave a restaurant mid starter on my fils birthday, because DH's cousin had her six month old baby with her and said she wanted to leave because she 'wasnt comfortable' there. So we all ended up at a pub instead!

we went to another restaurant (which did involve another long wait for a table - late at night - when I had small DC with me and a long drive back hom

Why didn't you just tell them to fuck off?

It might not be an unwillingness to cater for your DCs but they might be a little nervous. I have no experience catering for allergies or intolerances and I know even if I'd scrutinised the packaging I'd still be terrified of getting something mixed up / cross contaminating something. I don't think I'd be able to relax.

That being said, I offering carrots and breadsticks is a bit of a slap in the face, I'd rather nothing be offered.

OP, it's not all about you. They are busy arranging things and are focused on their child and their day. It would bebe nice if they took time to check the food for you but they may not have time on the day or might be worried they might miss something and don't want to be responsible for your children being ill. I think it's sensible for you to bring a few bits that your children can eat to supplement what is provided or bring a few dishes of suitable food that everyone can share.