Should I complain, or am I over reacting?

[TheAssassinsGuild]

Perfectly happy to be told IABU!

DH went with DD to one of our local synagogues this morning. I wasn't there, so this next bit is as reported to me by DH. Towards the end of the service, the Rabbi picked up DD (4.5) and made like he was going to throw her over the side of the elevated part of the synagogue he was standing on, by dipping her down - probably about a 4 ft drop. He put her down and DH retrieved her. She was upset, tearful, subdued and said her armpit hurt. It happened so quickly that DH didn't get a chance to stop him.

I am livid and want to write a firmly worded email telling him that he upset and hurt DD and to keep his hands off her. Disclaimer: I cannot abide this Rabbi, so I tend to take a very negative view of his behaviour (DH can't stand him either). DH thinks I should leave it. MN jury - am I over reacting?

Spoke to DD about it at bath time, as she brought it up. I asked her if she would like Daddy and me to tell teh Rabbi not to do it again and to tell him that she was scared, upset and that it hurt her. She said yes. She says she doesn't want him to apologise. We had a chat about how she is entitled ot say what does and does not happen to her body and that she can say who is and is not allowed to do things with/to her.

Talked to DH about it again (she had independently brought it up with him as well). He is going to have a word with him tonight. Which is probably better than me doing it, as he was the one who was present when it happened.

I would imagine you want your daughter to have positive, rather than negative, experiences of going to shul, and if you don't like the Rabbi you'll be particularly sensitive to the negative. I'm not sure exactly what happened - was he on the bimah and pretending to drop her down as some kind of 'game'? Doesn't sound like a good idea to me... But I'm not sure a formal complaint is the way forward. Just speak to him in person and say you heard he picked her up; she doesn't like it; please don't do it again. Or, of course, however you want to handle it. In any case, I don't think you're being unreasonable to be upset about it.

Sorry - slow typing...

Yeah, exactly Sorcha - he was on the bimah and was pretending to drop her into the gabbai's box.

Normally she likes this shul - we've moved away and it's not not the closest, so DH only takes her maybe 1 week in 4. She likes the people, they react well to her (not every shul is exactly child-friendly!), and she likes the children's service. I hope this won't put her off. I don't think it will - she's fairly robust. And we've told her that we will deal with it for her. Hopefully should be OK.

Ah yes, I see what you mean. Poor kid; it must have been scary for her. And I can certainly understand your concerns. Still, it's great that you've found a shul that's child-friendly, and that she enjoys going; and also great that she can have the confidence that the situation will be dealt with and won't happen again.

I would go with the phone call if you can and especially if you mightn't be seeing him for a while. He may be touchy feely/ playful but he needs it pointed out to him that not all children will appreciate this level of playfulness. And that it upset/ hurt your dd. My dad's like this, sometimes we need to remind him that some children won't appreciate his joking around although no harm is intended!

Sorry, 'he' being the Rabbi and you not seeing him in a while being an issue as by then he may have forgotten all about it.

This - I agree. DH is going to have a word this evening.