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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think getting a mortgage on a property is not something worthy of congratulations

77 replies

sallyknowsit · 24/07/2015 22:08

Maybe its me but I don't get why people see getting a mortgage as such a congratulations moment. Paying off the all the mortgage is.

A mutual friend has just got a mortgage on a flat, other friend thinks its the the done thing to send a congratulations card for "buying a flat".

I see it as the bank has just bought a flat and she will have to pay them back or she will very quickly find herself homeless. And has the risk of always needing a well paid job for 25 years and could have her disposable income slashes if rates do rise.

Am I just being too cynical?

OP posts:
Spartans · 25/07/2015 08:26

Yabu. Because for some people is an achievement, if it's something they have really wanted.

Achievements are subjective really. It's not bad or weird you don't think its an achievement or worthy of a card. Just don't send one.

We are all different and have different goals

Agent160 · 25/07/2015 08:39

Surely the mortgage is the means to an end though and your friend is really sending a new home card not a 'congratulations on a mortgage' card. Just like it would be odd to send a 'well done for having sex card' but nice to send a 'congratulations on your baby' card.

Not sharing the same life goals as someone doesn't make you a bad friend. Not being happy for them when they achieve their goals does.

sanquhar · 25/07/2015 09:29

charlesroi-

it was a massive relief! especially as we have kids and had to move them to different schools twice due to LLs selling and on one occasion wanting to move their friends inAngry that's the trouble with rural renting, very few suitable houses in one area so have to move miles away sometimes.

I also don't have to worry about losing the deposit because the kids have spilled something on the carpet or scribbled on the walls.

BleachEverything · 25/07/2015 09:32

I think it's excellent. Congratulations to her. It's a great thing to be able to be in the position to buy.

CaptainHolt · 25/07/2015 09:36

YABU, and very cynical, and a bit odd. It's not 'getting a mortgage' that your nice friend is sending the card for, although it is an achievement, but the enormous milestone of getting a home. You talk like the bank randomly bought a flat and she has drifted into it and she is now completely at their mercy, rather than a sensible adult who has bought their first home.

RachelRagged · 25/07/2015 09:38

YABU

Mind your own business.. If you don't like it then don't congratulate or send a card. . Good job she has other friends

Athenaviolet · 25/07/2015 09:39

She has a lot more protection from homelessness now. Mortgage companies take a lot longer to repossess for non payment than private landlords do.

She will have no inspections, can decorate and improve it as she wishes. Getting a mortgage is very much cause for celebration.

GrumpyOldBiddy2 · 25/07/2015 09:40

Blimey, you're a barrel of laughs aren't you? Hmm

MidniteScribbler · 25/07/2015 09:40

I'd rather celebrate someone working hard, getting a mortgage and paying for their own property than someone who sits back and expects the government to provide them with a house.

Iwantacampervan · 25/07/2015 09:41

I would send a 'welcome to your new home' card when they actually move in - nothing before hand.

MuffMuffTweetAndDave · 25/07/2015 09:55

This is not an either/or. You're not being too cynical, and being gifted a deposit is no achievement at all (but that information should really have gone in your OP). However, your other friend is correct that people often send a congratulations card on such occasions. You're both right.

cookoos · 25/07/2015 10:11

you sound like an awful friend!

Andrewofgg · 25/07/2015 10:13

I celebrated grtting the mortgage and I celebrated paying it off!

Andrewofgg · 25/07/2015 10:14
  • getting
LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 25/07/2015 10:20

Doesn't sound like you are 'friends' op. Sorry but even if you think a,card is a bit naff, aren't you happy for your friend?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/07/2015 10:21

I'd send a card for a new home. I wouldn't send a card for someone buying a buy to let (with or without a mortgage), just as I wouldn't congratulate someone on buying shares or starting a pension.

BackforGood · 25/07/2015 10:49

YABU
ditto what everyone else has said.

PolaDeVeboise · 25/07/2015 11:09

Wow OP - glad you're not my friend. As a few others have said, I think you're just jealous. I also can't believe the bitterness on this thread about those who are 'gifted' their deposit, that's just down to the luck of the draw. Bet you'd all hate me too - I didn't receive any 'help', I just bought at a time when 100% mortgages were available. It's still a great thing to be able to buy your own home and have the security that goes along with that.

Donatellalymanmoss · 25/07/2015 14:19

What's this about painting a door red as a sign you've paid off the mortgage? I've never heard that before. Are their other colours for being on an interest only mortgage or co-ownership?

One of my neighbours recently painted their door red then sold, I wonder if the new people will change it if they needed a mortgage to buy.

Reubs15 · 30/07/2015 09:41

You sound jealous. It's an achievement to have even saved for a deposit! Don't send a card if you don't want but you should be happy your friend is happy.

Pumpkinpositive · 30/07/2015 09:54

I thought this was going to be a thread about the OP's friends expecting her to send them a card celebrating the fact they had secured a mortgage ("HAPPY MORTGAGE DAY!") as opposed to an actual property. Rather than waiting for them to buy the bricks and mortar and sending a card then ("HAPPY MOVING IN DAY!"). Confused

Had that been the case I would have said YABU.

Were you that kid who ran around at Christmas parties yelling "that's not really Santa!" to all the other children, OP? Grin

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 30/07/2015 12:58

Surely having a new home is an emotional rather than purely financial achievement?

LHReturns · 30/07/2015 13:16

Well where I live in central London securing a decent sized mortgage is a mammoth achievement. When I was in my early 20s about 15 years ago I was 'gifted' £50k by my parents as a deposit on a flat, on the condition that I could secure a mortgage of at least twice that (I.e £100k). This was a one-off gift, never received another penny.

I managed to get that mortgage and lived like a pauper for the next 10 years while I built my earning ability...but have since upgraded twice, and now own a much larger, better home with just a 50% mortgage on it. Critically I couldn't begin to afford to rent my current house - literally couldn't afford to rent half of it.

So, OP, for your friend, securing that first mortgage is an achievement, and is step 1 to building her own asset which a man can never take away from her, and living in a home in the future that is would be unaffordable on a rental basis. Getting on the property ladder is a wonderful thing, and many of my successful friends, also in their late 30s, are faced with never being able to buy their own property.

Imlookingatboats · 30/07/2015 13:19

It's not card sending worthy.

yorkshapudding · 30/07/2015 13:19

You sound very bitter to be honest.

One of your friends has done something nice for your other friend. Why does that bother you? If you don't want to send a card, then don't but I hope you will have the good grace to at least try to seem pleased for your friend. You may not be interested in owning your own home but it's something that many people aspire to and feel a sense of pride when they achieve that goal. You don't have to understand it but you don't have to piss on your friends strawberries either.

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