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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not using seatbelts or car seats ... Ffs

72 replies

nicoleshitzinger · 24/07/2015 21:21

DS just come back from a day out with a school friend and his younger siblings. According to DS the 2 year old was on the front seat, not in a car seat, and kept u doing his seatbelt and at one point opened the door while the car was going. The other children (7 and 10) wore no seatbelts and the 7 year old was scrabbling about on the back seat. It was a 30 mile journey (each way) on a very fast 3 lane A road. DS wore his seat belt - he has Aspergers and is very fixated on following rules.

It now makes sense to me why the school friend and his 7 year old brother were being difficult about wearing seat belts when I gave them a lift the other day. I had to threaten to refuse to turn the engine on to get them to comply.

Should I say something to the mother or refuse to let DS go anywhere with her again? We're not friends, just acquaintances, it's just our two oldest who are good friends. Is my DS in more danger in the car if the other kids aren't restrained?

I'm flummoxed as to why anyone would do this. She isn't English but she's been here a long time. I don't get it.

OP posts:
Littlecaf · 25/07/2015 14:08

An old school friend posted a video of her DD the other day in the back seat of the car dancing around to Fame. The DD is 6 and had no seatbelt on or car seat. The car had white leather seats so clearly had good taste so clearly had enough money for a car seat. The video was entitled "my DD is mad isn't she!" I was Hmm.

PrimalLass · 25/07/2015 14:30

I would, and have, called the police.

TheBobbinIsWound · 25/07/2015 15:00

Report them. Take the reg number and call 101. It's not the children's fault. Their parents have grossly let them down and need to be caught and appropriately reprimanded for the safety of all concerned.

NobodyLivesHere · 25/07/2015 15:03

I think it's a bit of stretch to assume not using belts means you won't bother with car insurance. But OP yanbu to not let your ds in their car again.

tobysmum77 · 25/07/2015 16:23

It's amazing, not sure what else to say. It also fascinates me how few dc are in high backed boosters, even those just past 15kg (or even less) I was in a car with a friend and her son fell asleep sideways Shock . But of course on mn you are then flamed for facing a child forwards before about 6 Confused .

unlucky83 · 25/07/2015 16:28

YY I saw an unrestrained child of about 2.5 and the parent isn't from another culture. They were driving away from the school and the child was standing on the back seat leaning out of the half opened window. I know the DC in question is 'hard work' (a SEN diagnosis seems likely) but still I was Shock. Same parent has form for being 'lax' in other areas - various things have made me Shock eg letting an older DC go trick or treating at Halloween on their own at 7.
Having said that I am surprised at some of the 'sensible' parents attitudes to boosters. Our DCs are now all getting to the point where some are tall enough not to need one -but a year ago one loaded up their car with a bunch of DCs who mostly should have had them and their attitude was they nearly don't need them and it is a one off ...another whose child who has a fit if I make them sit in a booster and they aren't quite tall enough...I just insist.
But opening the door - my DC did that from her car seat when she was 3ish. Used to have the child lock on that door but with bigger DCs on a lift share it was a PIA so I used to take it off and put it back and one day thought actually DC doesn't really need it anymore ...she obviously did!
(We had been going along a 60mph two lane A roads-thankfully she did in on our way through a 30mph village - don't know what I would have done if she'd done it a few minutes before or after...

CrapBag · 25/07/2015 16:40

" It also fascinates me how few dc are in high backed boosters, even those just past 15kg"

Yep! Mine are both in high backed boosters. I got sneered at by my friend when I handed DS's seat over as in "you still have that seat!?" Our DCs are 7 FFS. A lot of people seem to see it as some badge of honour that their DC is so grown up that they don't need 'babyish' equipment. I'll take the safety route thanks. Nearly everyone I know uses just a booster cushion, there was talk of them being banned at one point because they aren't really safe enough. I wish they would! Then everyone I know also let's their DCs ride in the front when the safest place for a child is in the back. I don't let mine in the front unless we happen to have an extra passenger (think it's only happened once) in the back. It's not worth the risk IMO but I know I am very much in the minority with people I know.

MoonriseKingdom · 25/07/2015 16:56

Attitudes have, in the main, really changed in this country for the better regarding car safety. I am mid 30s and as small children we had a booster cushion to use adult seat belts in the car. At the time a lot of people thought my mum was very overprotective and none of my friends even wore seat belts.

I know of a family (2 adults, 3 children) who were in a car crash unrestrained. All badly hurt except the baby who was in a car seat and had not even the tiniest scratch. I am always shocked that some people don't make their children use seats/ belts etc.

You are right that your son is at risk. I would be very wary of him travelling in the same car as unrestrained passengers.

tobysmum77 · 25/07/2015 17:08

moonrise my mum was the same, it was one of her soapboxes and I'm a couple of years older. I remember before getting an a-reg volvo with seatbelts in the back having some kind of red harness that fitted to the seat somehow. Previously to that we had some kind of car seat. I dont know how safe they were but she tried her best.

I remember her rants over children standing in the middle of the front seats well ......

LazyLouLou · 25/07/2015 17:25

About 3 years I drove about 6 miles behind a young woman driving whilst chatting on her phone. A young boy, about 3 or 4 years old, was bouncing around the car like a jack in the box. On the parcel shelf, off again, into the front seat and all the way back again.

She pulled into a driveway and I followed her (parked on the verge) and waited until the kid was indoors and knocked to speak to her. Her dad answered the door, I explained why I was there and why I wanted to speak to the young lady... that if I saw her again I would phone the police and give them her address as well as her plate number.

He was horrified. The small child was his youngest, the driver his eldest. His eldest lost all car privileges with immediate effect.

Oh, how she hated me. She told me, in loud sweary language, how much of an interfering old cow I was as her dad walked me out to my car.

I have used that story, changed a bit, in all car safety talks since! Most people are just horrified. Those as old as me smile guiltily, remembering when we were that small child and no-one would have batted an eyelid Grin Shock

feckitall · 25/07/2015 18:42

I know someone who does this and threatened to throw out their partner for disagreeing with it! Hmm

Booboostwo · 25/07/2015 19:02

I am in France and about 70% of the children at DD's nursery/primary who should be in seats are not and often are completely unrestrained. It seems to be the norm here which is shocking as I thought France was more up to date with recommendations. I have not seen any other parent, other than foreign friends, have rear facing seats and one mum has spent the whole year driving the short trip through the village and back with her toddler in her lap.

SeenSheen · 26/07/2015 14:11

Of course the law has changed for the better and there are fewer accidents. However this does not mean that you will automatically be injured every time you get into a car without the appropriate restraints.

If minicabs and buses are ok'd by the government to not have to comply with this then surely the draconian fine process applicable to private cars is just a money making scheme.

Personally however I do agree with you OP and would not let my kids go without the correct seats but I'm just trying to keep things in perspective.

specialsubject · 26/07/2015 14:18

the 'we all survived' was in an era with considerably less traffic. And a lot more people exiting through the windscreen.

loulou pity you didn't call the cops. There is NO excuse for driving while jabbering on the phone, the kid in the back is irrelevant to that. As it sounds like the criminal didn't care, she'll do it again. Hopefully she will hit a tree and not someone else.

Tobeemoree · 26/07/2015 14:23

Yep, my (relatively small) 8yr DD is still in a HBB. I've had the sneering and "Really??" comments too. But she's not tall enough, and still sleeps on long journeys. I'm not precious about it, but I'd like her to stay in it as long as possible.

SeenSheen · 26/07/2015 14:46

me too Tobe - kid's always in correct seats and never in the front. My DS often asks to not use his seat when his friends are with us as they see it as babyish.
I always tell them that in my car they use the seats as it is me who would pay the fine.

Sirzy · 26/07/2015 14:52

DS was over 5 before he came out of a 5 point harness and that was only when his weight hit 18kg. He was pretty much the last in his class to come out of one even though there are quite a few who are considerable smaller than him.

It seems for some moving up a seat size is seen as some sort of milestone they have to race to! I don't understand using the wrong seat let alone no seat

LazyLouLou · 26/07/2015 14:53

Special, I didn't own a mobile (I only got one a few months ago, I am such a luddite). Following her home was the best I could do at the time.

I should add, we all lie in the middle of nowhere, no phone boxes, street signs etc. I doubt I could reliably find the house again, let alone work out the address.

TalkinPeace · 26/07/2015 14:54

On the other hand having the HT of the school asking me not to put the roof down on my car when giving lifts to Y4 and Y6 kids did make me snigger.

I suggested she spoke to the manufacturer if she had a problem with the concept of convertibles.

specialsubject · 26/07/2015 18:49

should have got daddy to call the cops - but as you didn't know the reaction you would get, understand why you didn't!

specialsubject · 26/07/2015 18:51

buses are not as dangerous as cars in a crash, hence no insistence on belts/car seats.

fining the stupid for not putting their kids in car seats is not a money making scheme from 'big brother'. It is a voluntary tax, same as a speeding fine. And can be just as fatal if ignored. It is a way of making the stupid comply; they are too ignorant to do it for the obvious reasons.

Lweji · 26/07/2015 18:55

the 'we all survived'

Clearly we did. But quite a few (who are sadly not posting here) didn't.

geekymommy · 26/07/2015 22:48

We all survived- except for the ones who didn't. I had a classmate who was killed by a drunk driver (I have no idea if she was wearing a seatbelt, or if it would have made a difference if she were). My best friend broke her elbow riding unrestrained in her family's van. I don't even think they were in an accident- just a sudden stop or sharp curve at the wrong time.
Supposedly Sweden has a very low rate of deaths or serious injuries for young kids in cars because most people there keep kids in rear facing car seats till age 4.

geekymommy · 26/07/2015 22:57

If you grew up in the 70's or 80's (like I did), at least in the US, there were a lot more fatal car accidents then than there are now. What you remember people doing when you were a kid probably isn't as safe as what people do now. Car accidents were and are one of the most significant causes of injury for kids, so this is not something to mess around with.

ErrolTheDragon · 26/07/2015 23:09

Too many people don't understand the laws of physics. Sad

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