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AIBU to think my neighbour shouldn't just stroll into my house and garden??

40 replies

Calminacrisis · 24/07/2015 14:24

My do and I moved into our house last year. The previous owners were a lovely couple, been here 40+ years and were good friends with next door neighbours. We were friendly and introduced ourselves, invited them to a BBC in the summer but, frankly, whilst I am happy to be a good neighbour, we are not likely to become close (v big age difference,monster other things). Over the last few months, we have been having work done. The woman from next door has taken to following the builders/ gardeners in and asking them about the work, getting them to do jobs for her etc. I was just on phone and found her walking in through my back door to talk to the painter and decorator about a job she wants him to do. Threw her a dirty look but she wasn't obviously bothered. Last week she walked through the whole of the ground floor to find the builder - doesn't knock on the bloody door or call out! Also last week, found her in my back garden inspecting patio just laid with landscape gardener. I was wandering house in my Jammies (school hols, Ffs!) and found it v intrusive. Normally very calm but think I might explode on contact. DP thinks I should deal with it calmly as she's oldish and it always happens when he is at work. AIBU to explode?

OP posts:

DoreenLethal · 24/07/2015 14:31

No just tell her to fuck off out of your garden!


DonkeyOaty · 24/07/2015 14:31

Don't throw dirty looks, it's ineffective. Do say "excuse me, what are you doing in my garden/house. I don't recall inviting you round"
Do secure your house. If your garden is unsecured then consider how to secure it.


GraysAnalogy · 24/07/2015 14:31

YANBU. You don't have to explode. You need to speak to her about it. She's got a nerve, but throwing dirty looks and exploding won't work. Just be frank and tell her.


Salmotrutta · 24/07/2015 14:32


That's very rude of her!

Sounds like she still thinks of it as her previous neighbour house and that they used to be in and out of each other's houses a lot?

I think you might try the icily polite route?

"excuse me, can I help you/did you want something?"


"Why, exactly, are you in my house?"


TruJay · 24/07/2015 14:33

Wow no, totally out of order. Also if she's constantly taking your builders/painters it will be delaying your job won't it?



Salmotrutta · 24/07/2015 14:33

And yes, door chains, garden gate padlocks etc.

Or a buzzer security system...


RachelRagged · 24/07/2015 14:36

The Audacity .

OP YA definitely NBU


Calminacrisis · 24/07/2015 14:38

Donkey, she only gets into the garden when the guys are working as she follows them in through open side gate. Otherwise, yes, it is secured.
The back door is accessed differently so she can get in there and go round the whole ground floor if it's been left open by a workman (really, they might just be grabbing some tools from their van!) . I'm just aghast, never seen the like! Would have said something today but was in the middle of quite an important call.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/07/2015 14:41

Call the Police and report a trespasser. Grin not really but it would be funny.

Just say, I don't like people in my garden and particularly my house, without an invite. Thanks Smile


1Morewineplease · 24/07/2015 14:42

She definitely needs having a few words with. It's downright rude and a bit creepy if you ask me!!! What if you were in the bath or even... Ahem!!!! You shouldn't have to lock yourself in your own home.... If you let it carry on then she'll just think you're ok with it! Let us know what you decide/did!!!


DonkeyOaty · 24/07/2015 14:43


You need to mention general security to the blokes then. Say you are concerned that if your neighbour can slip in so can a more unsavoury visitor. With a Shock face for added value.


goodnessgraciousgouda · 24/07/2015 14:43

You need to tell quite bluntly (but calmly) that they are trespassing in your home, and are being astonishingly rude. Your home is not open to the general public, and if they want to ask the builders something, to do it out of your garden and home. If they try and weasel out of it or make a joke, you''ll just have to stay in pissed off mode and make it clear that if it happens again you will be speaking with the police (more of a threat than anything, good knows what the police could do about it).

You will have to be prepared to lose any sort of friendship, but frankly they deserve nothing less.


DayLillie · 24/07/2015 14:47

Just ask her if she could please knock first next time, as she surprised you.


DinosaursRoar · 24/07/2015 14:50

I wouldn't sugar coat it with the builders, tell them your neighbour is quite frankly a nightmare and can they make sure they aren't giving access to the house to "random people from the street". With her, next time she tries it, can you say something like "why are you here?" Followed by "not being rude, but I'd prefer to know who's on the property at all times, can you call the front door bell when you pop round?"


Calminacrisis · 24/07/2015 14:51

I'll definitely say something when I see her next. And I'm quite happy for any friendliness to go down the pan. Neighbours are a bit like a coven here, all similar ages, known each other for a million years. One over the road took a table out of our skip and asked the builders to give them a heads up if we threw out anything else half decent...

OP posts:

Sazzle41 · 24/07/2015 14:53

Why are they leaving side gate and back door wide open, thats not very secure, anyone could take advantage and wander in! Which she has! Have a word with them about it. I'd be 'have you got what you need from your van i am locking the gate/back door.'


PoshPenny · 24/07/2015 14:54

I have found asking them how they would feel if you just walked into their house/garden without invitation or warning can work... Might not in this instance though. Very good idea to speak to the workmen and discourage them from talking to her - her coming in all the time is slowing down their work on your place, you'd be perfectly reasonable to use that as a reason for not wanting her there.


Calminacrisis · 24/07/2015 14:56

Sazzle, there were three guys working in the garden, a constant presence, and they were bringing wheelbarrows through, so she just wandered in after them. All the guys have had a heads up now.

OP posts:

Fluffyears · 24/07/2015 15:03

I'd just march up to her each and every time and ask why she is on your property. If she wants to speak to the workmen she can do it as a customer by phone like anyone else would do.


Pangurban · 24/07/2015 15:11

It sounds awkard and irritating. The builders at work seem to make her think it is public access as she has access. You'll probably have to go up to her each time and make a point of saying 'What is it you want?' or Can I help you?'. Probably going into 'I hope you're not keeping my builders from work, I'm paying them right now. Can you get them to go and see you about your business when they've finished'.


Pangurban · 24/07/2015 15:11



StealthPolarBear · 24/07/2015 15:53

I'd keep it friendly for as long as possible. When the builders have gone they will still be next door. Mrstp 's suggestion is good


The5DayChicken · 24/07/2015 16:04

How on earth have you not told her to get the fuck out?! I'd have flipped my lid if a neighbour kept inviting themselves onto my property, never mind if they were distracting workers who you've hired to do work around your home.


Tizwailor · 24/07/2015 16:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChilliAndMint · 24/07/2015 16:20

I think she sees your home as a building site and not as your personal space.

I have worked on a building site and had to keep reminding myself that I was going into someone's home and not a factory floor.

I'd be polite to her..after all she seems like a nice enough person and you are lucky to live in a community where people actually talk to each other.

I'd just ask her to knock before she comes in...tell he how stressful it is having renovations done and how you can't wait for it to be completed etc.

The last thing you want is to be falling out with your next door neighbour..that would be far more distressing in the long run.

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