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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think my neighbour shouldn't just stroll into my house and garden??

40 replies

Calminacrisis · 24/07/2015 14:24

My do and I moved into our house last year. The previous owners were a lovely couple, been here 40+ years and were good friends with next door neighbours. We were friendly and introduced ourselves, invited them to a BBC in the summer but, frankly, whilst I am happy to be a good neighbour, we are not likely to become close (v big age difference,monster other things). Over the last few months, we have been having work done. The woman from next door has taken to following the builders/ gardeners in and asking them about the work, getting them to do jobs for her etc. I was just on phone and found her walking in through my back door to talk to the painter and decorator about a job she wants him to do. Threw her a dirty look but she wasn't obviously bothered. Last week she walked through the whole of the ground floor to find the builder - doesn't knock on the bloody door or call out! Also last week, found her in my back garden inspecting patio just laid with landscape gardener. I was wandering house in my Jammies (school hols, Ffs!) and found it v intrusive. Normally very calm but think I might explode on contact. DP thinks I should deal with it calmly as she's oldish and it always happens when he is at work. AIBU to explode?

OP posts:
DoJo · 24/07/2015 16:34

Is she allowing access or putting up with a lot of noise as a result of your building work? Not that it is necessarily an excuse, but if she feels that she is accommodating your plans by not complaining about dust, noise, builders' vans being parked outside her house etc, then maybe she feels as though she is more 'involved' in the work because of that.

I would be careful about letting your frustration show too much - a polite word about how difficult you're finding it living in a building site with the lack of privacy etc might hit the spot, and you never know when you might need a friendly neighbour to lend you their loo or a torch if the builders hit a snag so I wouldn't want to antagonise her!

Phoenix0x0 · 24/07/2015 17:09

Having just completed some building work, our neighbours did hear constant banging and had disruption to their lives for many months.

However, she really has no right in walking as and when she wants too (my retired neighbours didn't do this whilst our build happened...and they too asked to have things done to their house by our builders).

I would ask that the builders close off any access when they arrive to help deter her just following them. I would also (as others have suggested) talk her about how difficult it is etc.

If you do catch her, then I would do the following

You: Can I help you?
Her: Oo I just need to speak to the builder/plasterer/electrician, won't be a moment.
You: Oh ok, well would you mind coming back later as I have an important call and the builder etc is actually having a chat with DH/popping out to get materials (or some other excuse).
Her: well, ok can I not see them now, it won't take a sec
You: We/they should be finished in half an hour (or give an actual time), if you knock on the front door I'll go and get the builder/electrician etc for you Wink.

Rainbunny · 24/07/2015 18:05

Sounds awful! Is she asking your workmen to do jobs for her on your time/money? I'd shut that down right away! Hopefully the work won't continue too much longer so you can get back to a peaceful existence with locked doors and gates!

Calminacrisis · 24/07/2015 18:24

We've got a detached house on a wide plot so the vans and guys haven't caused her any issues. And as we don't have any party walls, any noise disturbance has been in the house rather than outside. Think, like someone said earlier, that she still feels very much at home in MY house because of her friendship with the previous owners. And yes, as a couple have asked, she is trying to get the guys to do her jobs to suit her, so trying to eat into my paid time. We know the builders well, having used them on a previous project so they're old hands with us.

OP posts:
ratspeaker · 24/07/2015 18:35

I take it she is payng separatley for any work she asks for, that it's not being added to your bill.

you'll have to speak to her outright but if you don't want confrontation maybe take the tack that you are asking her to knock or ring before someone lets her in for Health and Safety, after all it is a worksite.

HouseBot · 24/07/2015 18:45

Like ratspeaker, I wondered whether the workmen are doing jobs for her on your time and money. That needs to be addressed pretty urgently, I would think.

Melonfool · 24/07/2015 18:49

I don't think you need to make excuses about builders being in the middle of stuff (they are!) or being a H&S issue - it's your house, she can feck off out of it.

I wouldn't be asking 'can I help you' - you're not bloody M&S. If I turned round and found someone I hadn't invited standing in my garden or house I would probably scream. It's worth a go actually :)

ListenWillYou · 24/07/2015 19:41

I'd keep it a simple and straightforward. I don't see any reason to get angry with her yet.

Next time you see her I would say something like

Hi neighbour, I wanted to ask you something, I've noticed that you have called around to see the builders a few times. I hope you understand but I'd prefer it if you didn't. I don't want them getting distracted and I don't want anyone coming into the garden while they are there. I can give you their details afterwards. Thanks

Then smile and try and chat about something else.

Summerwood1 · 24/07/2015 19:57

Try and keep it kind. You never know when you might need your neighbours.

Siennasun · 24/07/2015 20:17

I'm going a bit against the grain here, but where I grew up (rural England) neighbours would just walk into each other's houses and gardens. It was just normal and what everyone did there. Personally this wouldn't bother me at all, but I can see why it would bother others.
Maybe it hasn't even occured to ndn that OP could object to her coming into her house uninvited. As pp has said, if you are going to talk to her about it be kind. Or just lock the garden/back door and tell workmen to keep it locked so she can't get in without knocking?

Calminacrisis · 24/07/2015 20:21

Summerwood1 honestly, we are nice neighbours: make sure bins go out if people aren't well/in hospital, take parcels in etc etc. I just feel we gave an inch and she's taken 800 miles!

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 24/07/2015 20:22

good that the builders know you well. i would ask the neighbour to contact your builders after your job is finished as you're worried about their time. i would also ask her to ring the front door bell. you like to know exactly who is on your property at all times.

Calminacrisis · 24/07/2015 20:24

I grew up in a horrible not very nice inner city place. I moved ASAP to the burbs. Have lived in increasingly nicer places for twenty years. This is the ONLY time in my life a neighbour has invaded my family's personal space uninvited.

OP posts:
Calminacrisis · 24/07/2015 20:26

listen I think that's the tack I am going to take, thanks Smile

OP posts:
ChilliAndMint · 24/07/2015 21:56

Be thankful that you have neighbourly neighbours,.

I'm a country girl and our house was an open door..miss that.

Live in a slum area now...small inconvenience your neighbour. You'll grow to like the fact you have people around who actually care about each other.

Double edged sword and all that..

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