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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

telling children how baby gets out of tummy

83 replies

ghostspirit · 24/07/2015 13:20

Just a general post really. i have always been honest to my children about how the baby comes out. when my 5 year old asked i told her some mummys have their tummys cut open and the baby is taken out. and for some mummys the baby comes out of the mums private parts.

someone i know feels their kids dont need to know that and told their children the baby comes out of the belly button. then my daughter told them it does not and told them it comes out of the private parts.

so im wondering if familys tell their children different things and then children like my daughter say no thats not true its like this...how do you deal with it? without causing any offence to the other parents.

OP posts:

BrianButterfield · 24/07/2015 22:03

DS is 3 and had obviously been having a Hard Think about babies coming out of tummies, because he sort of sidled up to me and asked if it exploded and made a really big hole when the baby came out! So I went with "mummies have a hole near their bottom where a baby can come out after they push and push" which he thinks is absolutely hilarious and keeps wanting me to act out! So it's gone from a bit of a worrying thing to a huge joke

CrapBag · 24/07/2015 22:11

Ok not 100% factual but I don't use the word vagina anyway (because it's not something I generally discuss in daily conversation ) and I'd rather DD says minnie whilst she is young than go around saying vagina, then some posters get all ansty about that because vagina is only the bit inside, not the bit you can see, no, that's vulva (like anyone uses this in real life ).

Plus I cannot imagine my uptight DGPs faces if DD starts coming out with words like vagina, you aren't even allowed to say periods or bum there, it was them with the horror at my J17 magazine.

Minnie is the female version of willy. Penis/vagina. Willy/minnie. Cock/fanny.

trollkonor · 24/07/2015 22:12

Coming out of the belly button sounds horific, reminds me of the alien film ?Much better to be told about a uterus and exit designed to work that way.
I dont see how explaining that a baby comes out of a belly button makes it nicer or easier for a young child to understand.

HippyChickMama · 24/07/2015 22:15

Dad was 5 when DD was born and he had a vague idea of how babies are made and born but he was really worried about me giving birth. He knew I'd had an emcs with him and was hoping for a vbac. I bought him a book about conception and birth that's aimed at primary school children and told him he could read it if he wanted to and ask anything he wanted to know, I didn't want to overwhelm him with facts but was worried that he'd dwell on it and worry himself. He disappeared off upstairs with the book and came down a little while later hysterically giggling. 'Mummy, it says in my book that you've got eggs in you' 'yes ds, I have' 'like a chicken!!'. He laughed about it for days.

DrHarleenFrancesQuinzel · 24/07/2015 22:21

My mum told me this story once. When I was about 5 or 6 a friend at school told me that they came out of bums and not out of the belly. Of course, me being me didn't believe her so went to ask my mum. She told me the truth and said that she had to push me out. I still didn't believe her and decided that I was still right and she was wrong so gave up asking.

HippyChickMama · 24/07/2015 22:38

*DS not dad! Bloody autocorrect, their dad definitely had a more than vague idea about conception and birth!

LadyCuntingtonThe3rd · 24/07/2015 22:49

My 10 yo DS who was born via CS is still sometimes mocking his cousin "you came out of vagina".
Luckily she knows that that's how everyone should be born and obviously don't take offence.

Lurkedforever1 · 24/07/2015 22:52

hippy I guessed it was a mistake but it still made it hilarious thinking dad didn't know!

thegreylady · 24/07/2015 23:00

I just said that ladies had a special opening where the daddy could put the seed and where the baby came out. I said the opening was very stretchy like an elastic band and the baby pushed its way out when it was ready.
I didn't tell them anything about c-sections when they were little.

Saz12 · 24/07/2015 23:09

I had a C-section with DD, so when she asked about the funny scar I told her. She knows where most babies come out; it's no biggie either way. I'm happy for her to know that sometimes things don't go to plan and doctors/nurses are fab.

PS- My obstretrician told me "it may've been easy enough to get the baby in there, but how the heck we get it out is a problem". A fair reflection of my medical issues, and she was a fabby dr.

Ineedtimeoff · 24/07/2015 23:15

I have been quite honest with DD (5) explaining that babies come out of your front bottom......... and yet she has still managed to miss understand and I heard her and her friend playing at babies come out of your poo hole. She was disappointed when I pointed out her mistake.

Gruntfuttock · 24/07/2015 23:17

I just want to know how on earth 'minnie' became a synonym for vagina and how widespread it is, because until this thread I'd never heard of it.

CrapBag · 24/07/2015 23:50

Really grunt? I remember referring to it as that when I was younger and I wasn't told it by my GPs (who I lived with). It may be a regional thing. It is a drunk conversation we have had and people who came from elsewhere did call it something else. Most mums I know refer to it as a minnie. Definitely better than a 'tuppence'. Now that is awful!

Original poster

ghostspirit · 25/07/2015 00:16

when i was a kid it was a minnie or a fanny :/....why did my mum call me fannyanne...was she calling me a c*

OP posts:

Coffeemorris · 25/07/2015 01:49

My 2 year old DD asked how babies come out when she saw a pregnant cat on holiday. I wasn't prepared and told her the babies would just pop out at which point she looked horrified, probably imagining kittens bursting out of the tummy. Later, when she asked me whether the cat would be left with a hole in her tummy, I think I disgusted her even more by saying they didn't really burst out of the tummy, it was more like doing a poo. When I told her my SIL had a baby in her tummy right now, DD anounced the baby would POP OUT (arms outstretched for dramatic emphasis) of her bottom!!
I've learnt it's best not to be too vague - it's very confusing!

mumof2oneofeach · 25/07/2015 02:12

My 1st (3yr old) was at the birth of the 2nd so knows all about how a baby comes out and delighted in telling people "baby came out of Mummy's bottom", " Mummy cried", Mummy did a wee wee " being some of my favourite quotes...

Hadn't thought of telling him not to tell other children though, maybe that's something I should try to do.

Clawdy · 25/07/2015 13:13

thegreylady I really like your explanation. That's the best and most sensible one I've heard.

Sidalee7 · 25/07/2015 22:51

I have told my dc they come out of vagina, and sometimes through cutting stomach open as my friend recently had a c section.

Belly button story v confusing for the child, and when will they learn the truth?!

Sidalee7 · 25/07/2015 22:53

Also, I always thought babies came out of bottom not vagina until early teens! Although I do think in labour it does feel like baby is coming out of your bottom...

Amummyatlast · 25/07/2015 23:01

I'd never heard of Minnie until I came on mumsnet. My DPs just called it privates. DD will learn vulva and vagina (whether DH likes it or not) as all the cutesy names make me cringe.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 25/07/2015 23:18

When ds (then just 3) asked I told him there is a special hole and when the baby is ready to be born it opens up so the baby can come out.

He looked at me very thoughtfully and said is that next to the hole where your wee comes out? I said, erm, yes, it is.

Job done (for 3 anyway)

featherandblack · 26/07/2015 00:08

We've been watching cows, rabbits, kittens and foals being born on youtube with DD since she was two. She understands it all perfectly but still chooses to say (at 3 years old) that her baby brother hatched out of a tummy.

dodgypinz · 26/07/2015 06:58

TTWK I totally agree with you. Children ask what they want to know. Obviously it is incredibly important to tell them the truth BUT you have to take care to ONLY answer what they ask and don't get carried away with a fully fledged science tour of human reproduction.
Obviously your answer needs to be first truthful and equally importantly age appropriate.
For example for a child under 8 who asked me for the first time how babies get out of mummy's tummy (assumption being at some point previously they had asked what was in the bump and been told a baby or maybe a new brother/sister) then I would say something like there is a special place between mummy's legs where the baby comes out. If the child asked another question like say how does the baby get from your tummy to that special place between your legs. I would say there is a clever tunnel filled with muscles which stretch to let the baby out. But actually most children will be content for a while with your first answer and onky come back with supplementary questions when they have had time to absorb the first bit of information.
Once by replying honestly to your child's questions he/she has a basic grasp of things then is the time to offer them a good book with plenty of simple ACCURATE pictures. I had left two or three of this kind of books amongst the general family books they were used to having access to...along with a good atlas, dictionary, some encyclopedias, Bible etc. In this way information about the human body could be seen as a natural part of general knowledge.

dodgypinz · 26/07/2015 07:23

Oh forgot to respond to the bit about other children getting accurate info from your child when they have been told "stories" ie lied to.
Any parent foolish enough to allow their own anxieties to tempt them into lying to their child is quite simply on s hiding to nothing as it is only a matter of luck how quickly their lies are exposed and their children discover the uncomfortable fact their parent can not be trusted. Don't apologise just say I always try to tell my children the truth about important things. That leaves you some wriggle room if you want your chikdren to enjoy the myths of tootg fairies and Santa.
Telling the truth about important things ( but only as much truth as they ask for) is the right way to go in my book so don't be embarrassed into fibbing by other people's odd views about the human body.
Funny story when responding to six year old's question about how the baby got in mummy's tummy. I had told him about mummy's egg and daddy's seed. A while later was asked how daddy put the seed in. Explained about this so evil tunnel between mummy's legs and daddy puts his penis in that tunnel and after a very special mummy and daddy cuddle he squirts some special liquid into the tunnel and all the little seeds swim up to find mummy's egg and when they meet a baby starts to grow.
I am feeling quite good having given simple truthful answer. Brief pause then he takes his penis out of his trousers and says. I am not putting mine in (name of girl at school) no matter how much she wants s baby. She will judt have to put up with her peeing baby doll.
I nod agreement and spend a lot of time over the next few days "wondering" about the conversations these two six yearbokds were having.

dodgypinz · 26/07/2015 07:25

Oops darn this predictive text. Not evil tunnel. Meant special tunnel.

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