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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Perhaps it's the holidays; But does anyone have in-laws, especially MILs who are NOT a total PITA?

88 replies

FargoFGS · 23/07/2015 17:22

That's basically it. Does anyone have normal in-laws? Does anyone have a great mother-in-law? Do women change when they become a MIL?

Why all the angst and anger toward them? Surely no family is perfect. I can't understand why MILs get such a bad rep on here.

OP posts:

DirtyMugPolice · 23/07/2015 17:25

My MIL is wonderful. Truly - I prefer her to my own mum. As a MIL my mum is awful. Said to my H after we moved in together "good enough to bed, good enough to wed". Among other things. Sheesh.

MissDemelzaCarne · 23/07/2015 17:26

My MIL is lovely!

supermariossister · 23/07/2015 17:26

my Mil ( by all accounts and purposes) is fab. from the moment I met dp she treated my son as a grandchild and sees him as so. she is lovely to chat too but doesn't overstep we do little things to help each other without seeing each other too often. I lost my mum to cancer two years ago and although she has never tried to replace her I know she would be there if I needed her

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 23/07/2015 17:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TurnOverTheTv · 23/07/2015 17:27

Love my MIL. Her habits drive me bonkers, but in a funny way. My Ex-MIL is fab as well.

LooseSeal · 23/07/2015 17:28

I like my MIL, I get on well with her and we've never had any kind of falling out. I think there are two good reasons for this though.

One, DH isnt actually her son, he's her stepson. DHs mother died when he was very young and FIL married again when DH was in his teens, so while she cares about him very much he's not her "little prince".

Two, MIL and FIL live on a different continent to us.

feckityfeck · 23/07/2015 17:31

I love my MIL, and not even in a 'she drives me bonkers but...' kind of way. She's just brilliant.

MakeItACider · 23/07/2015 17:31

No, not everyone's perfect. But a MIL is someone who, whether you like it or not, has the ability to have the most unwanted impact on your life out of everyone else.

Because they are your DH's mother, you can't (usually!) get away from them. But they are not someone you yourself have chosen to have a relationship with.

My MIL is pretty good all told I guess. She has her moments of absolute brilliance, but I've had a few clashes with her which have caused me to hesitant at sharing with her at times. If push comes to shove I know she will fight her Son's corner. She knows I know that, but she also knows that I'm unlikely to be a vindictive cow but sure as hell wouldn't be a push over.

I'd say we have a healthy respect for each other, with a lot of affection as well, but with a wariness. We've managed to survive sharing a house for 6 weeks on numerous occasions (both hers and mine).

I'm not her favourite IL, but I'm not her least favourite either. (She has a lot of DSons so a lot of DILs). I suppose I'm an oddity to her more than anything. Quite frequently she just doesn't GET me.

HumphreyCobbler · 23/07/2015 17:31

People post about challenging relationships, not about relaxed ones. Or one could just as well say "Has anyone got a good marriage/nice DH?" in relation to these boards.

I am not a fan of these kinds of posts, generally they come across a bit smug. Good for you that you have a nice MIL. I have one too. Doesn't mean everyone else has, unless they are all lying to get attention.

Mulligrubs · 23/07/2015 17:32

My MIL is great. Really like her a lot, she is a lovely woman and a fabulous grandma. FIL on the other hand, can't fucking stand the wanker.

I also really like my DPs grandparents (MILs mum and step dad) they are lovely too. I get on OK with BIL and his partner.

GooodMythicalMorning · 23/07/2015 17:32

Yes my mil is one of my closest friends. Shes brilliant.

LegoLady95 · 23/07/2015 17:33

Mine is fab, I couldn't wish for a better one. Of course we haven't seen eye to eye sometimes, as with any other relationship I have (including her son of course). there is an underlying respect from both us for each other. My own mum loved her MIL and saw her regularly up to her death, despite being divorced from my dad for 20 odd years.

Siennasun · 23/07/2015 17:34

My MIL is a nice person and a really good grandmother. We aren't very close and have nothing in common except DH and DS but she has always been very good to me.

feckitall · 23/07/2015 17:36

I am often a bit about MIL threads and often wonder what the other side if the coin is!
I didn't really know my MIL..she had little to do with DH either as a adult or as a child.

I am a MIL now..get on well with DS2 and DDs partners...DS1 partner and I have a rocky relationship. I'm sure she would slate me but believe me the situation is not one sided. I predict she will be a nightmare MIL herself in 20 years!

Original poster

FargoFGS · 23/07/2015 17:37

HumphreyCobbler I'm not being smug. I don't have a husband ergo I don't have a MIL. It is just an observation. That's quite a leap of logic there. But if anything it's more to do with a spate of IL threads on AIBU. Not my own experiences. If you've felt any offence then that wasn't my intention.

OP posts:

DorotheaHomeAlone · 23/07/2015 17:37

Mine is nice. We're very different and it can be tricky as her relationship with DH is sometimes tense. But generally she cares and tries and loves our DD. That's all I really need from her.

Original poster

FargoFGS · 23/07/2015 17:39

feckitall me too, I often wonder what the flip side is. Surely there can't be an army of women out there with pitchforks at the ready to take down their pfb's or otherwise partners!?

OP posts:

Bunbaker · 23/07/2015 17:40

Mine is (Or used to be) lovely. Sadly she has alzheimers, and she is not the person she once was.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 23/07/2015 17:40

I have a Fantastic MiL.

She has never interfered how we brought up our ds's..

Would babysit when asked.

Calls round once a week for an hour then goes home.

Insists on hosting Christmas lunch and does everything them comes to us for cards and buffet in the evening and we do everything for her, she doesn't lift a finger.

DH calls her once a week for a chat and she's happy.

She's fab!

Cocolepew · 23/07/2015 17:40

Mines a cunt nothing to do with being a MIL, its how she is.

HamishBamish · 23/07/2015 17:41

I have very nice PIL. Of course they do things which annoy me from time to time (and vice versa!), but they are generally good and kind people. They adore their GC and have done a lot to help us out over the years. This summer they are having the boys for around 3 weeks in total. I trust them completely and know my children will be exceptionally well looked after when they are there.

I understand I'm very lucky though. There are some real nightmare PIL out there.

hesterton · 23/07/2015 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LavenderRain · 23/07/2015 17:43

Mine was lovely but alas she is no longer with us. Died to early at 63

catsrus · 23/07/2015 17:43

My MIL is now my Ex MIL and is still a good friend - she was a fantastic MIL and gran to my dc, I see her at least once a week, she still has a key to my house and lets herself in when she comes. Love her to bits.

LavenderRain · 23/07/2015 17:44

*too

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