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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To end this friendship

54 replies

BelindaBagwash · 23/07/2015 17:10

A and I I have been friends since primary school - less so as the years went on as I got married and had kids and she didn't, so not so much in common. She did get married later and we found ourselves working together.

OH got a job in a local company after a longish period out of work. A's DH sacked him a few weeks ago, on some very minor allegations - no verbal or written warning - just dismissed. His parting shot was, "Don't bother going to a tribunal cos you haven't been here for two years"

I really don't think I can be friends with her any more, OH says that I shouldn't let it kill our friendship as it wasn't her doing, but I can't see her behaving the same way if it had been the other way round.

I am just so angry at the unfairness of it all that I don't want anything to do with either of them again.

OP posts:
Original poster
BelindaBagwash · 23/07/2015 21:00

Lazy My OH moved to this area to be with me. It's an area with high unemployment and he took the first two jobs (which were well below his ability) because there simply was no other work on offer. They were seasonal contracts so didn't last long - not really his fault.

OP posts:
BobbyGentry · 23/07/2015 21:18

Sorry to hear about the distress you have undergone recently.
*"Don't bother going to a tribunal cos you haven't been here for two years"

  • Has your husband worked a full year? Unfair dismissal is unfair so have you thought of contacting ACAS (free service) www.acas.org.uk/contact You can do as you wish with your friend, your life; take control.
Penfold007 · 23/07/2015 21:23

OP your OH hasn't been sacked, he's been let go after probationary period. It's horrible but it's not the same as being sacked.

Your OH is a real star and very generous. It isn't your friend's fault but it would be easy to blame her and he hasn't. Whilst you loyalty is amazing you need to work with this woman, falling out with her isn't going to help.
Stay polite and professional. Hopefully OH will find a job and then if you still want to end friendship etc look for a new job and move on.

Original poster
BelindaBagwash · 23/07/2015 21:24

He has worked there for 15 months. Thanks for the info - will pass it on to him.

I just feel he has been treated shittily (if there is such a word)

OP posts:
LazyLohan · 23/07/2015 21:45

There's some stuff on here about rights with dismissal under 2 years.

www.morton-fraser.com/knowledge-hub/dismissing-employees-less-two-years-service

I would still have a word with your friend though. It just wouldn't add up to me, I would want to see what my friend had to say and get the other side of the story.

HoldYerWhist · 23/07/2015 21:55

I think our "friendship" has been waning over the years and maybe this is the end of it.

And I honestly think that's fine. Of course it is. I just don't think her dh's behaviour needs to come into it tbh.

Original poster
BelindaBagwash · 24/07/2015 08:11

Penfold he has been sacked from this job. His first two jobs were seasonal and they finished after a few months.

He had a 3 month trial for this job and everything was fine, so they kept him on for another year.

Then he was called to a meeting and told he was dismissed, without any warning.

OP posts:
summerainbow · 24/07/2015 11:22

Are you totally sure that DH is telling you the truth.

Original poster
BelindaBagwash · 24/07/2015 12:09

I have no reason to think he isn't telling the truth. He has shown me the letters he got before and after the meetings and they would appear to show that he has been got rid of on very flimsy excuses.

OP posts:
Aramynta · 24/07/2015 12:36

What are the excuses? Don't worry if you wish to keep them private. I am just curious as to whether or not they are accusatory or if it's a "we can't afford to keep you" sort of thing.

Either way, they are in the wrong and you and your DH need to fight it, at least for any pay he might be owed.

Original poster
BelindaBagwash · 24/07/2015 12:53

They said he had shut early to go home and watch something on telly on 2 occasions. There had been no customers for 2 hours. Hardly grounds for dismissal.

OP posts:
YouMakeMyDreams · 24/07/2015 13:08

Did he shut early on two occasions? Had he been told he is allowed to shut early?

LazyLohan · 24/07/2015 14:00

I would say they were perfectly within their rights to dismiss him for that. It's gross misconduct. It doesn't matter how many customers there were, if he was paid to be there for a particular set of hours, that's how long he stays. It's not up to him to decide what time he fancies closing. The management have decided that's the time they want to close and he stays until then. That's basically an unauthorised absence. And if it's a shop then they will presumably have CCTV evidence. It looks incredibly crap and unprofessional if a customer makes a journey to a shop based on it's advertised opening times and it's shut.

I wouldn't expect anything other than a dismissal in a case like this. If an integral part of his job is being trusted to work alone and he's proved himself untrustworthy he is not suitable for the position.

As for your friendship, I suspect you may find that it has ended anyway. Your friends seem to have gone out on a limb to help out you and your OH and he's thrown it back in their faces by proving unreliable and untrustworthy. I imagine they would be a bit cheesed off with you which would be even worse if you don't acknowledge that he's treated them badly after they did you a favour (and you by not acknowledging that are also treating someone who did you a favour very badly).

Beyond that I think you are an absolute mug not questioning your relationship with this man. He sounds unreliable, ungrateful, shiftless and untrustworthy.

HoldYerWhist · 24/07/2015 14:09

Well if he did that he deserved to be sacked!

Penfold007 · 24/07/2015 15:14

Belinda sorry I thought you meant he's only been there three months. That said shutting up early without permission was a major breach of trust.

HeyDuggee · 24/07/2015 15:25

There's nothing worse for business than a customer rushing to their shop with 10 minutes til closing time, only to find it already shut.

Namchang · 24/07/2015 15:37

Well he shut the shop early!! Fgs YABU

queenrollo · 24/07/2015 16:06

When I ran a retail business if a member of my staff shut up shop early without my express persmission I'd have sacked them too.

Original poster
BelindaBagwash · 24/07/2015 17:07

He was told that he could close if he hadn't had any customers for a long time. It was a private organisation not a shop with no fixed hours

OP posts:
TattieHowkerz · 26/07/2015 13:54

Oh YABU.

You don't sound like you like your friend much. But don't blame her for your husband getting sacked. It sounds like he bears some responsibility, and even if he didn't it wouldn't be her fault anyway.

Loletta · 26/07/2015 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RhiWrites · 26/07/2015 15:29

I think maybe your OH should check what his rights are here. From what you report it doesn't sound as though the company have done their due diligence in managing any perceived poor performance.

It's understandable that you feel off with your friend. Why don't you let the situation settle down and see how you feel. There's no need to "unfriend" her with a big statement or drama. Just draw back a bit from the friendship and see if you miss her.

Original poster
BelindaBagwash · 26/07/2015 22:33

I don't want to go into too many details in case it identifies either of us. It isn't a shop, but somewhere there isn't any passing trade and people are not likely to pop into on the spur of the moment, so in his opinion it wasn't cost effective to stay open for hours on end, paying his salary (he was only paid for hours actually worked), when he wasn't taking any money.

If they weren't happy, they should have had a quiet word and told him not to do it again. They were obviously happy with the premises being open, losing money.

As for the friendship, I will see if she broaches the subject next time we meet and take it from there.

OP posts:
HeyDuggee · 27/07/2015 07:46

Every business has fixed hours. Ours only gets clients in if a meeting is scheduled. But if the receptionist decided to bugger off an hour early because no calls came in for last two hours... To "save" our firm money, she would be sacked.

And you don't get to dictate how a company "should have" dealt with your DH's repeated errors at work.

DeeWe · 27/07/2015 08:13

If he said that then it sounds like there was probably a heated exchange between them which included op's oh saying "I'll take it to a tribunal."