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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you are staying at someone's house you inform them of dietary requirements?!

44 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 22/07/2015 19:26

Agreed to let friend of a family member stay as she has a job interview that's ages and all day so needs to stay two nights.
Made a cauliflower and brocolli cheese yesterday and haven't been shopping so nothing else in. Mention this to her and she goes "oh I'm vegan and I don't eat gluten." So can't even put some pasta on for her.
Am i really not the only one that thinks to tell people of certain requirements?
And I'm eating with work tomorrow night and going away on Friday so do not want to buy any more food. Am I being unreasonable to give her directions to the nearest asda and tell her to feed herself?!

OP posts:
Squeegle · 22/07/2015 19:28

A vegan who doesn't eat gluten is quite challenging! It would of course be easier for her to tell you what she DOES eat Confused

minkGrundy · 22/07/2015 19:29

No you are not. When ahe told you she is vegan gluten free I would just have gone for, oh well, I am not sure what I have in that you can eat but here is the kitchen feel free to make yourself something suitable. Big smile.

Most people with specific dietary requirements are happier sorting themselves out.

JulyKit · 22/07/2015 19:30

Nope, YWNBU to tell her that.

Does she really expect you to provide food for her if those are her requirements, though? Shock

Kittykatmacbill · 22/07/2015 19:31

Gosh yes - but I always ask, in case people think I remember somehow. But with no notice I would just show her the fruit bowl.

MrsHathaway · 22/07/2015 19:31

Vegan and gluten-free are each quite particular requirements, and usually the ad hoc catering for one would preclude the other. Almost everyone would have had to do a special shop and spend time planning suitable menus.

Yanbu at all to feel undermined. Whether you can direct her to the supermarket depends very much on what relationship you have. SIL2B?!

minkGrundy · 22/07/2015 19:31

Vegan gluten free is actually ok to cook for as long as you are forewarned.

MatildaTheCat · 22/07/2015 19:32

Of course YANBU. She should have contacted you in advance to thank you for hosting her and mentioning that she has very specific dietary requirements and will cater for herself if that's ok with you. She sounds a pain.

Definitely tell her she's best to sort herself out and wait for her to leave her dirty pots in the sink.

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 22/07/2015 19:33

It's just so frustrating! I'm a veggie myself and would have had no issue at all whipping up something vegan if she'd said.
I have Erm half a cucumber and some grapes that fit her requirement and with a big smile said I don't need any more food this week but there is a asda 10min walk down the road big grin.

OP posts:
Welshmaenad · 22/07/2015 19:35

YANBU, I occasionally feed a gluten free vegetarian and that's fine as I'm prepared for it! It's the lack of advance warning that's rude.

UngratefulMoo · 22/07/2015 19:38

YANBU. It's very kind of you to let her stay - see no reason why you should also be responsible for feeding her.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/07/2015 19:40

That screams food issues to me.

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 22/07/2015 19:50

God she is a bit of a wet blanket. I'm glad I won't see much of her! She's just moping around now staring into the fridge. Was never even agreed id feed her just offered some of what I was going to have for dinner!

OP posts:
Hellion7433 · 22/07/2015 19:55

It's only doable with notice. I'd probably send her to asdas saying 'Im very sorry I wouldnt have a clue what to cook a vegan celiac'

minkGrundy · 22/07/2015 19:57

Good lord did she just turn up at your house totally empty handed and expect you to do everything? Did you know her well before?

I wouldn't presume to land on someone I knew well and not at least offer to cook/get in food let alone someone who is a friend of a friend.

SaucyJack · 22/07/2015 19:58

Was she actually expecting a meal?

Very strange not to mention you follow such a specific diet.

Oh well, more cheese for you then. Shame Grin

wombatcheese · 22/07/2015 19:58

maybe she didn't mention her requirements as she knows it's a faff and didn't want you to go to any trouble? Directing to Asda seems very reasonable.

enderwoman · 22/07/2015 19:58

Of course yanbu.

My son's a coeliac so I warn the host and send food with him on sleepovers. His friends with allergies do the same.

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 22/07/2015 19:59

I've never met or heard of the girl mink! Sisters friend from where they live (about150 odd miles away!)

OP posts:
morelikeguidelines · 22/07/2015 19:59

I would expect them to tell you if it was that restricted, yes.

If it was just one thing they couldn't eat then fair enough.

The5DayChicken · 22/07/2015 20:01

She's got a nerve to mope at the lack of your general telepathy! What did she expect?!

MaidOfStars · 22/07/2015 20:05

Either dietary requirement on its own would need notice, let alone both together.

But I'm baffled as to why she seems to have thought you'd cook for her.

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 22/07/2015 20:07

Maid I'm glad it's not just me! T was never mentioned I live 5/10 min walk from town centre so not like it's arduous to buy food. I literally just mentioned I'd made enough for me and dp who instead has gone to dinner with a friend (lucky git he's in tomorrow night mwhahaha

OP posts:
minkGrundy · 22/07/2015 20:16

Does it seem like she really was expecting you to cook?

I was assuming before your updates that she'd be happier, under the circumstances, sorting herself out.

maddening · 22/07/2015 20:21

I'm veggi with ibs and an aversion to spicy so would always warn of my needs or offer to bring my own (particularly if was a favour) - I can't understand anyone who has specific to requirements not thinking to advise ahead of arrival.

BeautifulBatman · 22/07/2015 20:23

If I was that much of a pain in the arse difficult to cater for I'd be bringing my own food and sorting myself out