to look at posters' history on Mn

[norwaypet]

and not be at all surprised that the ones who come over all bolshie and angry on a few forums spend the majority of their time laying down the law on this AIBU forum .

They are the ones who are intolerant, like a rant and it spills over into every post they make....

It's still bad form. But sometimes it helps.

For example a poster posting in aibu about something fairly small their dh has done, then getting upset and abusive that no one agrees with her. Then someone comes along and points out the poster is upset and losing her rag as the partner is being very controlling and it changes the situation.

It of course would be better if people always linked past threads. It's difficult to judge on just one snap shot. I get that people don't want to point out the failings in their marroage on every post. But it's difficult to give advice or comment

You don't have to post on MN you don't have to answer every question. You can hide threads.

Sparkling, no, you're right, I don't have to, but I don't have a huge amount of support here and it's nice to be able to pick up my phone and have a chat with people and unfortunately some things that make me very identifiable are also very relevant. I try to just name change a lot; DH hates me posting on here and I wish I could give up but with a v new baby i just don't feel up to negotiating my way through real life just yet :)

I think you have to be careful that's all I am saying. Just be cautious about how much info you give out if being outed on MN or in RL would be a problem. But that said name changing may go some way to minimising that.

I don't think it's considered to be bad form as universally anymore YouTheCat whenever I've seen it recently it has been greeted with approval.

I've changed my name once. I'd told my Dsis my username and then when I wanted to post something about my not so DH I changed it. I'm very careful now about things I say that RL people might realise is me as my MIL is on here and will send me links of things she thinks might be helpful.

I love my user name and don't want to change it, although I've just searched myself. Bad but could be worse.

I've searched for some one when they have mentioned their previous posts. I feel like I've been invited then.

There's four ways to approach the privacy thing
A) never post anything that would be a problem if you put it on your public FB page for your family and employers to read - so no political opinions, no opinion on abortion either way (even "I agree with existing UK law"), no swearing, no criticism of any family member, no anecdotes about your children, especially regarding bf and toilet training, no expressions of what you'd do to Kevin McCloud given half a chance and a jar of lemon curd.
B) only ever use chat or OTBT
C) name change frequently
D) fudge the details so your 8 year old DD2 becomes 9 yo DS4, you live in Northhampton rather than Penzance, and your DH is a farmer not a graphic designer.

Options B/C and especially D mean that AS makes you look like a troll. Option A makes MN a very dull place.

After being on a particularly frustrating/argumentative thread I looked up the OP. Clear as day was a post that went against everything they were being arsey about.

I was tempted but consider it bad form and left it. I may have mwuhhaha'd and rubbed my hands together though

I think I have an option E. I have hidden almost all MN topics. I am mainly found in Chat and The Litter tray or teenagers/secondary education. It makes my MN experience better, because I can avoid most of the subjects that get people all het up.

I think some people who know me probably recognise me under any name, for some types of posts.

Other people won't though, and you can't AS for a familiar style even if you recognise it whenever it comes along, so that suits me.

I do sometimes wonder what the ratio of names to unique IP addresses posting on a single day is - 1.01:1? 2:1? (20:1? )

I use this name 99 percent of the time, but I do have another name that I use only if I'm starting a thread on a very sensitive subject that would cause real problems if it got out irl. Not this, but something like domestic violence advice. Thankfully, I haven't had the need to use it for a good six months though.

I used to be around here a lot and NCd a while back after my husband managed to tell his sister I'd been on here talking about something very specific and instantly traceable. I like her n'all, but I don't need to imagine my in-laws knowing about everythingI post on here. It's not bad or anything, but it's like real life - I wouldn't swear in a chat with my ILs. Wouldn't tell them about my weird celebrity sex fantasies. Wouldn't share my feelings on abortion, politics etc with them. And don't necessarily want them knowing the gory details of my dreadful relationship with my own mum.

It was a shame really, felt like I'd built an identity here, but there you go. BTW, usual you knew me before - hope I'm not one of those instantly-recognisable types that think they're being so cunning by NCing and aren't

I occasionally AS people if they're a bit sus. Anyone starting a fighty thread who has a number at the end of their name is liable to get searched (awaits bollocking by hordes of bona fide posters called 'mummy1982')

One thing I have noticed is that if someone is being a bit cagy and leaving out some details in an OP it makes people suspicious of them. It may be because they are trying not to be identifiable but people assume they are holding something back as they are not being open. Or people will ask for more details which they may not feel comfortable giving. I have sew this a few times.

That happens all the time quite a lot lilac

But sometimes the OP gives so few details you can't really advise/have an opinion/help without further info.

I agree sparkling but I do think if the OP says 'I can't go into that' people should stop quizzing, but they don't. It's very easy for things to seep out.

Oh yes, that's fair enough picking. if that's the case and they don't want to say and they have given no info i would probably give up TBH.

But again, just because people are asking for info doesn't mean the Op has to give it.

the problem with that is that people can then make assumptions on the back of that which either leads to the thread being irrelevant (when you really need support) or that if then you contradict information at a later date, you are accused of lying.

i know what I mean, anyway!

I do know what you mean too picking.

I think an OP has to at least give enough info for help to be given, if not and a poster doesn't wish to reveal any more, it's all a bit of a waste of time asking for help IYKWIM.

Yes, I agree. I am terrible for gabbling and then think 'ooh shouldn't have posted that ... Done it now, hung for a sheep as well as for a lamb!'

Preview post is quite handy. I have often previewed and then thought 'Nah, won't bother actually' and deleted it.

Nice one sparkling I shall remember this!

Do you think the OP has been scared away?

I know this is way upthread, but I saw Duran Duran on tour recently (ish) and John Taylor, sadly, is not aging well. I do not have words to describe that disappointment!

I agree about MN demanding/needing more info than the poster wants to give and all you've all said about it. I think you're all right on both sides of that argument. I've seen people being almost bullied into providing more information than they want to give, or threads being derailed by people screaming "drip feed".

I'm pretty new to MN (in 2015) and loving it. I started off by changing various details of my life because I was trying to make sure I was anonymous. So I changed the length of my marriage, the age of my DD and a couple of other things. But then I saw thread where people said "but your DS was age XXX in your last thread and is aged YYY in this, so how old IS your son and why are you lying about it" so I stopped changing details.

I feel really sad, because there were posters I felt I was getting to know (def Worra, but several others too), incl some I've been sharing PMs with. But I did a really stupid, horrible post. (late, drunk, responding to an earlier post, but having mis-read a really essential detail, and mentally writing the response [sober] but drunk by the time I got to the end of the thread and instead of the pithy comment I'd originally composed, did a horrible long rant). Really horrible. I'm so ashamed.

I'm quite a gobby cow in RL, and often get myself into trouble. In RL I do go back to people and apologize and try to explain (sometimes to good effect, more often having destroyed relationships, which upsets me deeply). But MN isn't RL. So I haven't apologized. I haven't explained that I mis read the original post and missed a very important point. I took the cowards way out and just NC'd. I have thought about going back to the threads and saying "sorry", and I have thought about PM-ing the person I flamed: I was brought up to take responsibility for my actions. But I thought - f^uck it - this is a website, we are all who we want to be. I don't HAVE to say sorry and grovel, I can... just... be someone else.
But I'm posting about it, so I am still feeling guilty. I could have asked for my horrid post to be deleted, and I haven't as an atonement to myself for my crime (and my new name is a further reminder to me to not be horrid and drunk!) [it's v late now, but I'm not drunk - I need to jump in the car any second and pick up DD from her trip which is V late home].

Went out with my mum yesterday and confessed to her my crime here, and she said I 'needed' to go back and say sorry. I dismissed her "You don't know MN, you don't have to apologize, you just come back as someone else". Not sure this is working for me... I still feel so bad!

(sorry if I'm hijacking the thread to rant about myself!)