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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To contemplate not taking maternity leave

62 replies

OopsIAteTheWholeToblerone · 21/07/2015 13:20

I think this isn't as insane as it initially sounds but welcome other views:

Am unexpectedly pregnant with DC2, and am currently a student. For family financial reasons, I really need to crack on and finish my course as have already had a year off with number 1. DC2 is due at the beginning of a 3 week holiday, and as I have gestational diabetes I know I won't be going over my due date. There is then a four week block of 9-5 lectures, before a 10 week clinical placement, before a four week study leave block and a four week holiday.

I keep thinking that a) I could take the baby with me for the lecture block on days DP is working. He does shifts so often off weekdays. (Huge, dark lecture hall- I'd sit at the back and wouldn't disturb anyone- of the baby cried I'd take them out. A baby that young is realistically going to do nothing other than eat and sleep.)

B) If DP saved his annual leave and paternity leave and swiddled his shifts we could then just manage the clinical placement. It's only three days a week, the baby would be between 6ish and 14ish weeks old.

c) I'd then be on study leave for a month and off entirely for a month, which would get us round to almost five months, which isn't an unreasonable time to start nursery? PFB didn't go til he was 13 months as I could be off but I know a few little ones who started between three and six months and it doesnt seem to have scarred them.

The alternative is to take another whole a academic year off, which is doable in terms of the course but just makes everything else harder. We're stuck in a tiny flat in an area we hate and cannot move until I'm qualified and working, which is three more years if I don't take a break.

Am I mad to think just gritting teeth and cracking on will be best? I don't know what to do.

Apologies for epic post!

OP posts:

littlejohnnydory · 21/07/2015 19:29

I think the taking baby into lectures would be the least difficult part of all this! At that age all of mine would sleep in a sling / breastfeed all day and I could easily take notes with one hand whilst feeding. I couldn't have left a six week old though - I mean physically. I also wouldn't have been physically up to shifts etc at that stage after losing a lot of blood with one of them.

Is it nursing? Do they have a March intake? Could you rejoin the course then rather than having to take the full year? Is there any way you could keep up to speed with lectures then catch up on placements in the holidays in time to graduate? Have you discussed it with tutors?

Mistigri · 21/07/2015 19:37

You won't know if it's doable until you try. It will depend partly on whether your new baby cooperates - I couldn't have taken my first into a lecture but I might have got away with it with my second.

I took no mat leave either time due to being self employed - worked up until going into hospital and then back to work when they were about 5 days old. There were times when it wasn't much fun but it wasn't as awful as it sounds.

maccapacwac · 21/07/2015 20:06

For an unplanned baby it sounds like you've planned it perfectly! You get a few weeks off post birth and I would think you would be ok with baby in a sling at the back of a lecture theatre.

I've got 2 DC and doing a PhD - completely different kettle of fish of course but if you're doing medicine you are obvs v motivated. Definitely don't give up! Student welfare , hardship fund, maybe apply to one of those charities that gives money to students (the London places like the worshipful company of something or other give money) ... That might free up DH to take a little bit of unpaid leave.

I admire you! Your children will be proud when they're older too!

Remember you shouldn't be discriminated against for having a baby, don't know how good unis are with that kind of thing but they could potentially be very helpful. It helps if you're doing well academically as well of course!

Skiptonlass · 21/07/2015 20:14

I'd go and talk to your university pastoral department - there is more support than you might have realised for student parents.

I think it's possible to carry on if you have sufficient support - but as someone who has been on the other side of the podium, I think it's unlikely you'd be able to bring a baby into lectures. All sorts of insurance issues, health and safety etc... And students are pox riddled creatures at the best of times, even if they allowed it I'd be wary.

duckydinosaur · 21/07/2015 20:43

YABU! Why have a baby if you can't even take the minimal amount of time off to look after him or her!?! That baby needs its mum when really young. You really need to get your priorities in the right order.

Nolim · 21/07/2015 20:45

You really need to get your priorities in the right order

Getting a degree is a priority. There is nothing wrong with being a profesional working mum.

Peshwari · 21/07/2015 20:55

Do you limit your options re deferral if you start the year and find it's too much?

If no, there seems to be no harm in seeing if you can make it work, with the backup that you defer for a year. If you had to defer for a year it might be possible to get some work to boost the family finances?

yellowdinosauragain · 21/07/2015 20:56

I worked with a junior doctor who did this this. It was her first child though and she had a dream birth. It was pretty tough but she did it. Good luck !

Athenaviolet · 21/07/2015 21:01

You're doing medicine!

You don't want an easy life do you?

Right, you are going to have to pay for childcare. You should be able to get childcare costs as part of your student funding. Also you can apply to your university's hardship fund which is for cases like yours.

Contact your Uni now. Talk to the welfare department and your studies advisor.

Start investigating childminders/ nannies/nurseries. You will need more hours than your actual lectures/placements to do all the extra work. I assume your DP is fully supportive and does a lot of childcare and housework? This is vital for any woman in your situation.

Juniper404 · 21/07/2015 21:46

Check if you're eligible to use a hospital nursery too; they give discounts for NHS staff but I don't know if that applies to students.

Best of luck, though. Sounds like a really tough position to be in.

maccapacwac · 21/07/2015 22:18

My DH has an old friend who wife had 3 DC during a medical degree. She managed to give birth to them all during the hols and qualified a few years ago now. The marriage didn't survive though but I'm not sure it was that strong in the first place...

A baby just need milk and warmth, you can do that while you're looking at your lectures online.

Pippioddstocking · 21/07/2015 22:56

I tried to take an 8 yr old into lectures with me ( inset day) I had colouring books etc at the ready . The lecturer said they couldn't come in due to insurance reasons and we both had to leave . Worth checking ...

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