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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to know which problem to tackle first

37 replies

colourdilemma · 20/07/2015 13:01

I'm in a bit of a slump, but also at a crossroads and wanting to move myself forwards. I am a stone overweight (health wise-if i were considering looks probably at least two) pretty sure I'm addicted to caffeine and sugar, on antidepressants that had been working well but feeling snappy all the time, over anxious about my children and lacking motivation, not enjoying spending time with 3dc (last about to go to school), struggle to keep tidy and on top of things. I also don't exercise and my diet, beyond sugar and caffeine isn't great.

I absolutely know things need to change. But I'm going round in circles over which to change first without being an been grumpier mother in the process.

What small change would you make to start the ball rolling? I fear changing masses at once and it not being sustainable.

OP posts:
Sandbrook · 20/07/2015 13:09

I feel for you. I can be quite like this, wanting to improve my diet, lose weight, be a better mother but motivation is at an all time low.
Cutting the sugar and caffeine first and foremost will help not only your moods, but your energy levels and weight. Take little steps.
Get walking. I find a walk gets me in the mood for other things while also making me sleep better. A good sleep means you're less tired and cranky.
Cleaning, take a room at a time, maybe a little paint job and a good clear out. Once one room looks great it motivates you to start another.
Think back on what you love about your dcs, and make an effort to give them one to one attention even once a day if possible.
Slow steady steps. You know you want something to change and that's the start.
I wish you the best of luck

DextersMistress · 20/07/2015 13:12

I'm no expert so this is just opinion. I think everything you've mentioned is actually linked, so changing the first thing will likely have a knock on effect and help you with the others.

I'd probably start with caffeine, I'm a tea addict so I know it'll be hard. Switch to decaf for a while, I think it may help with your anxiety. Don't look at each thing as a massive challenge, tidying for example. Just get up and do a bit, then a bit more. Easy to say I know, but if you look at everything as a big battle you'll struggle more.

Good luck Flowers

Lurkedforever1 · 20/07/2015 13:13

More exercise, not necessarily gym or high intensity stuff, something like a bike ride with the kids or dancing on a wii, nature walk etc. not only are you doing something with them to reduce your 'guilt' but exercise releases endorphins that make you feel happier like a natural high which will roll over into other areas.

Original poster
colourdilemma · 20/07/2015 13:13

I think the sugar is probably where to start. I crave it, I want it first thing in the morning and it gets in the way of me eating better food.

I forgot to add spending small but cumulative amounts of money on things like magazines, craft materials and charity shop/supermarket clothes.
And my phone. Filling any small space of time with Facebook, news etc. Not so much mumsnet!

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milkandmarmite · 20/07/2015 13:14

Well, I'm going cold turkey but that's because I am absolutely totally and utterly fed up. I feel lethargic, grumpy and at the end of my tether. Only way - for me - is to jump in with both feet. Got to be better in the long run? Just got to push through the hard bits right?!

If you want to do it in bits what should you do first? I'd suggest eating a bit better and moving a bit more :)

Original poster
colourdilemma · 20/07/2015 13:15

And the exercise, and the caffeine! Maybe a bit of everything. You know what, I'm going to take the "look at my phone" or "eat sugar" or "buy something" urge as a sign to do one of the other things instead. So tidy something, or run up and down the stairs or go for a walk. Or make something. Perhaps that will help.

OP posts:
DextersMistress · 20/07/2015 13:16

I crave sweetness in the morning. I now have porridge with sweetener, satisfies the craving and is very filling.

Lurkedforever1 · 20/07/2015 13:17

I'd have said caffeine and sugar last because however badly you get it, reducing your energy isn't the step that will get instantly noticeable results, rather you feel worse before you get better which at first might not be the best motivation

Original poster
colourdilemma · 20/07/2015 13:18

Right. Thoughts developing. Sugar cold turkey. Caffeine-one coffee am but cut out diet coke. Tea okay for me as its soooo weak. When struggling with sugar, do something positive. Now-how do I get through the foul grumpiness that is likely?

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Original poster
colourdilemma · 20/07/2015 13:19

Lurked-good thought. I need to go round in circles with this for a bit and listen to everyone's ideas. I love mumsnet. I don't need expert-I need real people. Thanks.

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Original poster
colourdilemma · 20/07/2015 13:21

Porridge for breakfast would be a good plan. Perversely, I might have with maple syrup. A little sweetness but with the porridge to counteract.

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ThumbWitchesAbroad · 20/07/2015 13:21

Have you considered joining the Low Carb Bootcamp threads on here? I find them very supportive, although I keep falling off them due to circumstance; and they do help with information and support when trying to low carb. It helps with energy, weight loss and most importantly helps to break the sugar addiction cycle.

I'm not sure where they're at just now, I suspect that one has just finished its 10 week run, and they won't be starting again until probably September - yes, just checked, they've just finished a 10 weeks stint, www.mumsnet.com/Talk/low_carb_bootcamp/a2424140-Week-10-Low-Carb-Bootcamp-its-the-final-countdown but if you have a look at the whole topic, you'll find other useful threads on there for recipes etc. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/low_carb_bootcamp

Of course it might not suit you to try it, but you can at least have a look and see how you feel.

I have to say, when I went on it, I lost 1.5st the first time, and 1st the second - I need to do it again.

KeyserSophie · 20/07/2015 13:22

I'd use the caffeine as a compensation prize for giving up sugar because as least then you'll (1) probably lose weight and (2) have energy to exercise and start on the house. I drink a tonne of caffeine and find so long as I knock off it by 4pm I can still sleep. I guess what I'm saying is that as addictions go, it's fairly benign.

Totality22 · 20/07/2015 13:23

Barring the depression I have recently been in a very similar funk. (I was also 2st overweight - well 3 actually but shifting 2st would put me in healthy BMI!)

My kids are also younger 2.8 and 6 months but I must be the only person in the world who has gained weight whilst breastfeeding.

I decided about 6 weeks ago to cut out all refined sugar, walk 10k steps a day and use My Fitness Pal to help plan what I eat. I have now lost almost a stone, and feel tons better.

A foot injury means I can't undertake serious exercise yet but even these small changes have made a difference. I also go carb free for my evening meal 3-4 times per week.

Original poster
colourdilemma · 20/07/2015 13:25

Good thought about the caffeine as compensation. Think the diet coke might need to be reduced tough.

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Totality22 · 20/07/2015 13:25

Ps I am sugar addict but not caffeine.... I do have 2 cuppa's a day but that is it (always my limit, less when I was pregnant as I went off tea)

Original poster
colourdilemma · 20/07/2015 13:27

Well done totality! Know what you mean about exercise-I can't do lots of things for fear my insides will fall out after three kids and also have a bad ankle. Going away on hols soon and intend to swim after kids in bed to get me started.

OP posts:
Lovewearingjeans · 20/07/2015 13:28

I've been there too, but seem to be coming out the other side. Sounds silly, but giving up diet coke has really helped, as the fake sweetness can give sugar cravings. Being outside is really important to me and gives me an energy boost. I know what you mean about magazines. Really easy to buy, gives you a small lift, then they lie around the house. I have given up 'tabloid' weeklies such as Heat and Closer. I still fall off the waggon when I feel bored. I am weaning myself of Facebook too as I get missingoutitis. And not missing it as much as I thought. Do a bit at a time.

thunderbird69 · 20/07/2015 13:35

How much caffeine, and in what forms, do you currently have per day?

School summer holidays seem the perfect time to start this - spend loads of time outdoors with the kids being active. Go for it and good luck!!

(and watch the Shia LaBeouf motivational talk shout Wink)

Lurkedforever1 · 20/07/2015 13:37

I'd second the giving up diet coke even if you replace it with a coffee with milk and sugar, pure sugar, dairy and caffeine is still better than caffeine and additives.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 20/07/2015 13:42

How is your sleep? It is hard to get your caffeine and sugar intake under control if you are also knackered. Perhaps add the odd early night into things you can do? I know I find it easier to keep my eating on track when I have had almost enough sleep.

Original poster
colourdilemma · 20/07/2015 13:42

I agree about diet coke. When I make coffee at home it's very strong (which I could reduce) and with hot milk-latte style although a barista would faint if I called it a latte. So I do get half a big mug of milk and I don't add sugar. I started the diet coke to avoid the second coffee I "need" with three kids (although it might not be the number of dc rather the amount dc3 sleeps!). Which is crazy really.

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Original poster
colourdilemma · 20/07/2015 13:45

Funnily enough, sleep is an issue too! Ours are early wakers and last night I gave in, sacrificed my evening and went to bed at 8.30. I don't think I need to be that drastic all the time but I do need to accept that, until my smallest (who is four!!!!) properly sleeps all night, I have to stop trying to have a whole evening with dh. And although my mates seem to cope, I can't do late nights. The only thing I don't do is drink. So there is that!

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Cheesecake1980 · 20/07/2015 13:48

colourdilema
This was me a year ago. I used to drink a lot of coffee & coke zero. Could never understand why I felt so anxious & snappy all the time.
Also 2 stone overweight.
This is what I did ;

  1. Limited myself to 2 coffees a day, drank decaff after or green tea.
  2. Stopped drinking coke zero, it is so bad for you. Sparking water instead.
  3. Tried to eat sensibly, no white bread, pasta etc. Lots of salads, protein & veggies.
  4. Had 1 cheat day a week when I could eat & drink anything I liked.
  5. When I had a sugar urge would eat full fat greek yogurt with strawberries/ rasberries & chopped banana.
  6. Started taking vitamin d & zinc tablets.
  7. Tried to get a 15- 30 minute walk each day.
  8. Gillian Michaels 30 day shred dvd. This is amazing and I found it easy to do as it's only 20 min a day. Did it almost every day when the children were in bed.
  9. Stopped beating myself up about everything. If I started thinking a negative thought I would push it straight out of my mind.
My life is so much better now. I have lost 2 stone, am happier & healthier. Take it slowly it won't happen overnight. But believe me, If I can do it anyone could do it. Good luckFlowers
FunnyNameHere · 20/07/2015 13:55

I think I'd adopt a proper plan. You might be more organised than me it wouldn't be hard!! but I can't keep to a made-up routine that I invent as well as I can to a proper diet/exercise regime invented by someone else.

If you follow a diet, you'll lose weight effectively and immediately eat less sugar.