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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this bother you? Nursery staff and Facebook.

68 replies

AHatOnACat · 20/07/2015 12:11

nc.
I'm Facebook friends with a few of the staff from ds nursery. He starts school in sept and they like to add some of the parents to see how the kids are getting on.

It was on of ds's classmates birthdays at the weekend. On Saturday, one of the staff posted a photo on fb of a little miss chatterbox toy, wrote 'present for one of our class, very apt don't you think?!' And tagged the other staff members. One replied with 'haha yes defo!'

The child's parents weren't tagged although I know the mum is on fb and friends with the lady who was tagged and who commented so will probably have seen it.

I know if it was about ds I would be a bit upset tbh, like they were publicly making fun of him.

Aibu to think it was a bit unprofessional?

OP posts:
RachelRagged · 20/07/2015 12:54

Report to Facebook I meant to add.

Oh I see it was Saturday ,

Original poster
AHatOnACat · 20/07/2015 12:56

Rachel it's been there since Saturday. The mum isn't friends with the person who posted it, rather the one who commented. I don't know if she has seen it, she hasn't commented if she has.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 20/07/2015 13:06

I'm glad I don't do a Facebook - means I won't ever have to decline requests from parents or pupils to add them!

Mind you I have no idea if you "decline" or how it all works anyway! Grin

cuntycowfacemonkey · 20/07/2015 13:09

could have been worse if she posts this on your ds's birthday the definately complain

cdn.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/599bbeea2b0866cba55ee5c7dccfd8c3e6.png

cuntycowfacemonkey · 20/07/2015 13:11

this rather

Would this bother you? Nursery staff and Facebook.
Missda · 20/07/2015 13:15

Sorry but I would never be friends with parents of FB.

trufflehunterthebadger · 20/07/2015 13:17

Very u professional. I am a notoriously relaxed parent but i would be unhappy with this

I understand why the staff want to keep in touch but it would be better to set up a nursery page instead of using personal accounts.

mynewcrush1 · 20/07/2015 13:18

It is standard and has been for years that childcare professionals should not have parents as facebook friends. I have worked in social care for over twenty years, and have never felt the need to leave the profession because of this guidance. I always saw it as common sense, and not in anyway an attack on me personally. But then again I hate facebook!

LazyLouLou · 20/07/2015 13:19

Well, contrary to popular opinion here it is not illegal or punishable by sacking for a teacher to have parents as fb friends.

No one has said anything about children as the parents of children should be responsible enough to ensure their under 14 year olds aren't on fb anyway.

There are guidelines as to how teachers can best protect themselves from onslaughts such as this thread, but nowhere is there a T+C that says a teacher cannot use fb or have friends who are also parents of children they teach. That would be ridiculous.

As for this particular instance, well, imo it is a little bit daft as someone is bound to take it personally, but most of the replies here have been a tad precious considering the chid is not named, no picture and the comment was not malicious and could probably apply to about half of the female kids in any class of any age.

PurpleSwirl · 20/07/2015 13:20

I think its unprofessional that staff are FB friends with parents, to be honest.

This. At our school, teachers aren't allowed to be friends with parents. Good idea really, as it prevents scenarios exactly like this one! Smile

SummerHouse · 20/07/2015 13:23

If it was my child I would be proud. What's wrong with talking a lot?

LaLyra · 20/07/2015 13:25

Like many I'm surprised the nursery staff have parents as FB friends. At our after school care everyone is volunteers, but they are still only allowed parents as FB friends if their relationship is not primarily through the ASC and there are strict rules about never discussing anything ASC related through personal FBs with parents. It's fairly standard everywhere I'd have thought.

Not professional if it was obvious which child they are talking about.

muminhants1 · 20/07/2015 13:26

What happens if you are friends with a teacher or nursery nurse before your child starts at that school/nursery? Are teachers/staff expected to remove the parent, even if they have known them for years? I was friends with one teacher who did unfriend me once he started teaching my son, but we were only friends because I was a school governor, we'd not been friends socially.

Some teachers have kids at the school they teach at. Their kids are friends with other kids at the school. They see each other after school, gosh maybe even have sleepovers! Are the parents not allowed to be friends just because one is a teacher?

I totally accept that you shouldn't go looking for parents to befriend but saying you should never be friends on FB is going too far. Also I don't quite see why it's a safeguarding issue - surely it's the CHILD you shouldn't be friends with, not the adult? Not seeking out parents to be friends with is about maintaining professional boundaries, which is different and similar to not being friends with work colleagues or clients.

DonnaKebab66 · 20/07/2015 13:27

I think it's odd the staff jave parents on their FB, unless it's FB page or group for the nursery. However, I don't think the comments were malicious. Children do have personality traits which make them endearing to others, and it sounds like the staff are fond of her chattiness.

I call my niece Little Miss Naughty. She laughs and says ''I'm not Little Miss Naughty, I'm Little Miss Sunshine.''

LazyLouLou · 20/07/2015 13:30

But Purple, it is unwise to have parents as fb friends, not unprofessional.

Comments made on fb are judged on their own merit, but merely having a friend who is also a parent is not in and of itself part of your employment law.

That's the point I am trying to make. This has gone through so many Union/law/government reviews and the law is still the same, teachers, like any other profession MUST take care not to bring their employer into disrepute. Every other caveat is simply a guideline.

Original poster
AHatOnACat · 20/07/2015 13:31

Lazy there was no doubt who the child was tbh, she was having a party and the whole class were invited, including the teachers.

Maybe I'm being a bit precious. I just looked at it from my point of view, if I stumbled across a post between 3 teachers that was obviously about my son I'd be a bit uncomfortable with it.

OP posts:
Idontseeanydragons · 20/07/2015 13:33

Extremely unprofessional - both the comment and as everyone else has said, being FB friends with parents.
Having said that I'm a friend of one of the pastoral staff at DS's school but we've been friends for decades a while and she doesn't even mention where she works on her personal page let alone make comments about the place or the students.

themarigoldsmarigold · 20/07/2015 13:38

You really can't stop staff and parents being friends at all because in a community that happens regardless of where people's kids happen to be in any one year. I agree people shouldn't be fb friends if their only connection is professional, but you can't ban it if they're just normal friends.

What you can do is make sure all staff behave professionally, with a secret group available for photos of for example staff Christmas parties. That still shouldn't be used for poking fun (even gentle fun) at pupils though. That should be saved for chat in the classroom as you never know which parent will in two years time suddenly appear in your closed group as a new member of staff!

LazyLouLou · 20/07/2015 13:44

If it was that clear then those who posted could/should be admonished by the HT. They should have been more careful not to cause offence. They have been indiscreet, the HT can decide whether or not it brings the school into disrepute - report it, let the HT decide. That's one of the things they get paid for.

But I can only repeat that having parents as fb friends is NOT unprofessional, it cannot be by definition.

To use the work laxly, incorrectly is to malign the profession for no good reason.

Theycallmemellowjello · 20/07/2015 13:47

Yes definitely unprofessional. Would not be ok for teachers, so why is it ok for nursery staff just because the children are younger. Yanbu op. I'd report to ofsted, but I'm a meanie.

jamdonut · 20/07/2015 13:52

It's hard if you are friends before they become a ' parent' but if you know them that well they should understand.

We are not allowed to have parents of pupils as friends ( although we get away with it if it is a staff member with a child at the school) but more worrying is the amount of children who want to add me! I tell them In not allowed, at school,and ask them why they have even got a FB account anyway?!

I have my settings rigourously applied though, as do all our staff, to try to avoid any mishaps.

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 20/07/2015 13:54

I think it's both unwise and unprofessional to become FB friends with parents. I also refuse to become FB friends with ex pupils or even parents of children I taught at a previous school.

If I was friends with the person beforehand then it would not be a problem. In fact, it wouldn't really be a problem to be friends with any of them since I would never post any information about my school, my feelings towards my workplace or the children I teach. I just choose not to, for my own privacy as much as anything else.

Hard to maintain a professional relationship if they've seen personal information on FB, IMO.

Regardless of whether they choose to be FB friends, they should not be commenting about the children within their care on FB. That really is unprofessional.

LaLyra · 20/07/2015 14:08

It's unprofessional to have parents as FB friends if you are going to post comments about children (theirs or otherwise).

MNpostingbot · 20/07/2015 14:19

I would have been on the "why on earth would you have nursery staff on facebook" two weeks ago.

Since then we've had two nursery staff that we and our DC were very close to give their notice to leave. One is due on maternity leave and won't be returning after, the other going to be a nanny. Both of those people would be ideal to do childminding / nanny role when our DC are in school and we need holiday cover. So DW has added them both for future reference. I know we could probably find them through other means, but this is easier.

Doesn't add much to OP but gives a practical reason why you might have nursery people on social media.

Re OP, I don't think its malicious, but depending on my mood I might take umbrage if I read that about my daughter.

For me, as with so much on facebook, why bother putting it on there. You can have that joke in the staffroom without the risk of people being offended. Why do people bother, well that's because a lot regular facebook users are massive narcissists under the misconception that their opinions / jokes are interesting / funny and have to be heard by as many people as possible as soon as possible.

RachelRagged · 20/07/2015 14:20

Missed that bit .. Thanks AHatonACat