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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is a bloody horrible way to treat someone?

64 replies

Everythingwillbeok · 20/07/2015 06:31

My DD age 17 started a new part time job on Friday, serving food in the local pub.First shift went ok was a little bit quiet but she kept busy cleaning ect.

Saturday was a washout, instead of working until 7pm she was sent home at 3:30 as it was really dead, she's full of a cold so this suited her fine, it was a shame about missing out on the extra money but she felt ill anyway.

Yesterday she rang me from the toilets sobbing saying a large amount of money which was in an envelope in the kitchen had gone missing and as she was washing up she had heard her boss talking about her to three regulars at the bar saying well its funny its never happened in seven years and suddenly when the new girl starts there's money going missing, I don't trust her.

She was so upset saying mum I wouldn't even take a pound coin if it wasnt mine. I managed to calm her down and told her to hold her head up high and carry on with her day. She text me a bit later saying she wanted to come home as she felt embarrassed as she felt like people were thinking it was her.

She carried on working all day knowing what had been said, was meant to finish at 7pm but was still washing up at 7:45pm.

Once she left she rang me saying the owner had reported the lost money to the police but she didn't want to go back as she felt so upset.

Part time jobs over summer are really hard to find where we live, I'm torn between telling the owner to fuck off and how dare she make my daughter feel like shit and slag her off to three blokes who've never met her before and telling to ride it out, it will blow over and see if it gets any better before she packs it in.

Any opinions would be helpful. I'm not thinking straight as I'm so angry.

OP posts:

dontrunwithscissors · 20/07/2015 11:53

Do you know other people who do/have work there? Did your DD actually see the envelope? just wonder whether there was ever an envelope & this is an opportunity for the owner to make an insurance claim? This is entirely speculative and others may know whether this is something they could claim on the insurance. I only mention it because I remember s bar in my uni city that made a living off exploiting new/young/Desparate workers. The owner had all manner of ways to make money--most commonly, get them in to work for s few weeks and then refuse to pay them, accuse them of taking money out of the till. As I say, it's just something that comes to mind and whether there's a history of people being treated this way.

dontrunwithscissors · 20/07/2015 11:54

Sorry, that should have read 'never an envelope in the first place'

Mintyy · 20/07/2015 11:56

totallybewildered can I ask you to be honest about your agenda here?

totallybewildered · 20/07/2015 12:03

i don't have an agenda, mintyy, but I remember when this sort of issue would be described and discussed at the end of the day, rather than emotional installments arriving at random intervals..... it did lead to calmer and more considered responses.

DopeyDawg · 20/07/2015 12:07

If she leaves now she will 'look guilty' even though she is not.

Ideally she would approach her boss, by letter if she cant do face to face.
If not, you do it for her.
A letter might be better anyway, as then there is proof of what is said.
It might well be the sort of scenario dontrun outlines above.

I would just be very straight and say:
'overheard inappropriate conversation. Appreciate I am 'new' and you don't know me but once you do you will see I would NEVER behave that way. Please can you assure me that you now have procedures in place for cash handling, so that I cannot be put in such a position again (of being unfairly accused.) as I do not want my working record potentially compromised.

I would stick it out until it was obvious that I was 'in the clear' and then either stay or leave depending how the rest of the job was panning out.

CrystalCove · 20/07/2015 12:14

What Dopeydawg says is how I would approach it.

araiba · 20/07/2015 12:19

if your daughter is old enough to have the job then she is old enough to resolve the issue.

you can offer advice to her at home but she must deal with the issue at work herself.

if you go in there, having a go at the boss, she will never get another job again as she will be known as the girl whose mum comes down to shout at the boss

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 20/07/2015 12:26

Agree with all the people recommending head held high and address this herself. You won't do her any favours if you ring up for her - they're employing her, not you, and if she's able to do the job she's able to address issues with it.

Not that I don't sympathise - my dd was treated really badly in a waitressing job and I wanted to storm in and give them a good talking to etc, like you do as a mother - but it's not appropriate and won't help.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 20/07/2015 12:28

Oh god don't call them! She needs to deal with it as the young adult she is.

The5DayChicken · 20/07/2015 12:33

I don't think I'd be able to help myself. Chances are I'd go in 'for a drink' and play the gushing mother asking this bloke how her precious little girl is doing in her first job. He'd likely say she's doing well, out of politeness when faced with your enthusiasm if nothing else. I'd then change to 'angry bitch' face and as why, if that's the case, has he told customers that he thinks she's a thief. Then I'd tell him what I think, get your DD and leave.

ilovesooty · 20/07/2015 12:39

Please don't contact them yourself. Offer support to your daughter at home but you'll make yourself and her look utterly ridiculous if you get involved. She's an adult in the workplace and needs to deal with this herself, albeit with your support, advice and help at home.

Sometimesjustonesecond · 20/07/2015 12:45

Id rather be known as the girl whose mum came in to shout at the boss than the girl who steals money!

If she can deal with it, then great. But this isn't a little falling out over a rota or something. She's being accused of theft and that's a big deal. Kids in their first jobs are relying on the adults around them to behave like adults - they are not always equipped to handle situations where they don't.

If she cant cope with this, I still think it's okay if you do. They hired a child, not a 25 year old with lots of life experience dealing with shitty employers.

I had some awful jobs as a teenager and was treated quite badly at times. I was pretty self sufficient but there were occasions when I would have benefitted from some parental intervention. I didnt tell my parents but I wish I had.

DJThreeDog · 20/07/2015 12:53

I find it very weird that there was a conversation about the missing money, it has now been reported to the police, but no one has spoken to OPs daughter?

It sounds like the pub owner is trying to get her to leave (possibly because there is no work!) or is trying to pull an insurance scam.

Hissy · 20/07/2015 12:57

He is going to work her for the week, and not pay her at the end of it.

there is something NOT right about this, he's up to something.

DopeyDawg · 20/07/2015 13:08

I agree best IF she can 'do it herself' but it is quite a big thing to handle at that age in your first job.

Lots of adults would struggle when accused of theft, Boss slanders to co-workers, Police called in etc... it IS pretty nasty and stressful.

A letter has the advantage of there being proof of what she said.
Also puts the onus on the boss has to respond (hopefully in writing too).
She is seizing the initiative rather than being passively stressed about it.

It sounds as though the boss or other co-workers are pulling a scam.

It's important:

Her name is 'cleared' for future work
She extricates herself from this place with her self esteem intact so that she can hold her head up in her next job.

IF she needs op to step in (and OP needs to ask her) then OP should, imo.

silkoversatin · 20/07/2015 13:09

Have the police spoke to your DD yet?

The5DayChicken · 20/07/2015 13:15

It'd be great if OP's DD did sort it herself but many 17 year olds wouldn't. It can take several years of experience working before a person gains the confidence to confront the boss. When this happened, OP's DD hid in the loo, cried and rang her mum. That doesn't strike me as the type of teen who'd be able to brazen it out.

honeyroar · 20/07/2015 13:17

She needs to go back and hold her head up. If she doesn't feel that she can speak up and say what she heard then I would mention it for her. I'd drop her off for her next shift, ask to have a word with her boss then say that daughter heard him telling someone that he thinks she stole the money and that she is really upset he would think that. Tell him you don't want to get any further involved as you hope that the matter is being investigated properly by the police, but that he ought to know how he upset her, probably without realising.

silkoversatin · 20/07/2015 13:25

What an utter twat this 'manager' is, accusing her, behind her back to some complete strangers. If you're in a small, or even a large town then that's a truly terrible thing to do.

CatMilkMan · 20/07/2015 13:37

I would expect her to try and deal with it herself by going back and speaking to the manager BUT I would think she has over reacted in the first place.
I don't know your daughter so I really don't have any advice, sorry.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 20/07/2015 13:54

I would deffo go the dopeydawg suggestion... Apart from getting involved yourself. Although obviously continue to support her.

It may also be a good idea to get her to speak to the police asap... And get her to show them her letter she has written.

Lost count of number of times thieves have used new staff starting to deflect blame... Also cleaning staff are often wrongly blamed.... Horrid!

A similar thing happened to me when i was 17- the equivalent of a couple of weeks salary went missing from a til i was using. It was horrid. I inadvertently made it worse for myself by leaving in a fit of indignation- made me look guilty - i wasn't.

Hope she gets through it ok!

Damnautocorrect · 20/07/2015 14:04

I had a similar thing happen to me at 16, existing staff member stole 10k and blamed me, the newbie.
Head held high, if she's brave enough tell the manager what she heard. If she's not, she keeps going in and doing a great job. If she hears him again, perhaps prep with her something she could say as a good response.

differentnameforthis · 20/07/2015 14:05

DJ & Hissy have said pretty much what I was thinking...

differentnameforthis · 20/07/2015 14:14

All those saying that OP shouldn't intervene..why the heck not!

Her daughter is being treated awfully by someone who thinks they can either use her (the thief using her as cover) or someone who lacks enough integrity that he (the boss) has no idea how to deal with a theft! Someone is banking on her naivety to pull a fast one. If she is accused of & investigated for theft, that will reflect on her career. And no matter how much she tells of her innocence, many won't believe her.

No decent boss sounds off to employees about theft/any working situation, within earshot of another employee.
No decent boss outright accuses someone of theft without investigating first!

In my opinion he deserves all he bloody gets for his lousy behaviour & I wonder if his lack of customers is because he has form for this.

I worked in a pub for a while, the landlord's wife drove away pretty much all his best regulars with her shitty pissed up attitude & he wondered why he couldn't pay the bills [sarcasm]

I don't think I'd let my daughter take the wrap for a thief.

LaLyra · 20/07/2015 14:14

She needs to speak up. I also think he'll have her work for the week and then refuse to pay her, I'd be the cash in the envelope will be a bit more than her wage and he'll take it to 'settle' the matter.

If she can't face speaking to the boss then I'd take the initiative and speak to the police (I bet you there's a fair chance they know nothing aout a theft and her overhearing was intentional).

Let's be honest if you genuinely thought the new kid had stolen a whack of money from them you wouldn't have them back in the next day!

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