My sister has been living with her DP for a year now, he has a 10 yr old DD whom he has 50:50 care for with his ex.
My DSis has gone into this relationship like a bear with a sore head for this child, initially she was trying to take over and wanted to attend all the child parent teacher meetings, tried to instigate extra intervention and all sorts (child struggles at school) whilst it was admirable she wanted to be involved, she has now backed off a lot and gets nothing more than annoyed and snipes at this girl. As I think she realised she was boldly going no where with that attitude (she even told me that she was fed up with the mothers lack of initiative and wanted her DP to go for full custody. I told her not to be daft as her mother had done a lot for her and no matter what she was doing it looked like she was trying to take over and was threatened by the ex wife.)
There have been several meet ups over the last year and whenever the daughter raises anything about her mother my sister point blank stares at me with a very hard stare and glares at me for even mentioning her mother in any respect (all I did was ask if she had looked at senior school !). She is always talking about them presenting a united front to the daughter and how she has had to be taught a few house rules etc, (DS has a VERY short temper) there has been several blow ups over the last few months between the daughter and DSis – she will think nothing of just blowing her top and yelling at the top of her voice at the girl until she does as demanded. Her DP does nothing in these situations as she has given her permission to ‘sort her out’ and when the arguments get to much he goes out.
Whenever there has been meet ups without the daughter my sister has done nothing but bitch and whinge about her, I’ve kept my mouth shut but have at times said to her to be lenient as she is only a young girl and she is adjusting to this situation as much as my sister was, this has resulted in a ‘Tough, I’m the adult she is the child she must do as I say.’
Today there was a family gathering on her DP’s side, I asked how it went and have received the following messages
DS - It would have been fantastic but April (not her real name) was with is, so she ruined the whole day.
Me - Why ?
DS – She constantly kept moaning and making demands, I couldn’t relax as she claimed she had to go out TODAY, and she kept walking in front of me when we were out, but she won’t do that again.
Me – Oh how come ?
DS – I had had enough of her moaning and cutting me up, that I tripped her up, she has a cut on her lip know where she fell over but it made her aware not to piss me off.
Me – WTF ? Are you serious ! You’re mental !
DS – She won’t do it again and I had had enough.
How in the world do I carry on with this ? I feel SO sorry for this girl, my sister is being nothing but a bully to her. What can I do ? Talking to her DP won’t get me anywhere as he won’t do anything to upset the apple cart and wants to appease my sister at all costs.