Dsis is a bully and I think it's getting worse ...

[SomeBastardStoleMyName]

My sister has been living with her DP for a year now, he has a 10 yr old DD whom he has 50:50 care for with his ex.

My DSis has gone into this relationship like a bear with a sore head for this child, initially she was trying to take over and wanted to attend all the child parent teacher meetings, tried to instigate extra intervention and all sorts (child struggles at school) whilst it was admirable she wanted to be involved, she has now backed off a lot and gets nothing more than annoyed and snipes at this girl. As I think she realised she was boldly going no where with that attitude (she even told me that she was fed up with the mothers lack of initiative and wanted her DP to go for full custody. I told her not to be daft as her mother had done a lot for her and no matter what she was doing it looked like she was trying to take over and was threatened by the ex wife.)

There have been several meet ups over the last year and whenever the daughter raises anything about her mother my sister point blank stares at me with a very hard stare and glares at me for even mentioning her mother in any respect (all I did was ask if she had looked at senior school !). She is always talking about them presenting a united front to the daughter and how she has had to be taught a few house rules etc, (DS has a VERY short temper) there has been several blow ups over the last few months between the daughter and DSis – she will think nothing of just blowing her top and yelling at the top of her voice at the girl until she does as demanded. Her DP does nothing in these situations as she has given her permission to ‘sort her out’ and when the arguments get to much he goes out.

Whenever there has been meet ups without the daughter my sister has done nothing but bitch and whinge about her, I’ve kept my mouth shut but have at times said to her to be lenient as she is only a young girl and she is adjusting to this situation as much as my sister was, this has resulted in a ‘Tough, I’m the adult she is the child she must do as I say.’

Today there was a family gathering on her DP’s side, I asked how it went and have received the following messages
DS - It would have been fantastic but April (not her real name) was with is, so she ruined the whole day.
Me - Why ?
DS – She constantly kept moaning and making demands, I couldn’t relax as she claimed she had to go out TODAY, and she kept walking in front of me when we were out, but she won’t do that again.
Me – Oh how come ?
DS – I had had enough of her moaning and cutting me up, that I tripped her up, she has a cut on her lip know where she fell over but it made her aware not to piss me off.
Me – WTF ? Are you serious ! You’re mental !
DS – She won’t do it again and I had had enough.

How in the world do I carry on with this ? I feel SO sorry for this girl, my sister is being nothing but a bully to her. What can I do ? Talking to her DP won’t get me anywhere as he won’t do anything to upset the apple cart and wants to appease my sister at all costs.

And she has the child's fathers full permission to "sort her out"... Report it, for God's sake

Keep the text messages. Save them on your computer.

I would be telling your sister that's what she has done is totally unacceptable and child abuse.

Then I would be contacting step daughters mum and showing her text messages.

You need to stop this now before your sister damages this girl anymore

She is a child abuser sister or not you can't let her do this. If she has done this in public what the hell is she doing behind closed doors. If it was one of my relatives bragging via txt that they had abused a child I'd be ashamed.

That poor girl please please don't brush this under the carpet

I'm so sorry you're in this position but this is child abuse and its escalating.
For the young girl's sake please speak to her mother, keep the evidence and show her. She needs to know the full extent of what is happening. Your sister needs stopping, she is not a nice person and will be damaging that poor child. Please step in.

Report to SS and show them her texts. Or get in touch with girl's mother and be prepared to testify against your own sister in court, if needed.

If you do not report this and provide the evidence to the relivant authorities (if UK police,nspcc or children's services) you are colluding with child abuse and you will be allowing your sister to get away with this.

if you are the same poster as before this poor child has already been being emotionally abused 50% of the time for months and months. She is 10 she is a child someone needs to stand up for her.

There is little to no point just going to the mum all that's likely to achieve is the mum beating the shit out of your sister and whilst it may be very well deserved it would be further damaging to the child and its grossly unfair to put the childs mother in that position because it's then likely that she will be treated as if she has harassed or abused her ex and his new partner and that will make it incredibly difficult for her to protect her child from her ex's neglectful failure to protect and the emotional and physical abuse the child is experancing.

It will also make it harder to instantly prevent the child coming to more harm as a result of the abuse being found out.

A better idea would be walking into a police station when you know the child is with her mother (given its school holidays so you can't choose her being safe at school)asking to talk to a specialist child protection officer giving them as much info as possible including showing the texts. It then places a duty of care onto professionals who can with some authority advise the mother not to send the child back and provide mum with enough to get cp related legal aid if needed or some assistance if a court order exists.

If you do nothing it's almost as bad as if you were abusing the child yourself

You need to speak to the mum first. Don't tell your sister you plan to call SS on her - all that will happen is that she might even escalate this behaviour but not tell you about it. You want her to feel 'comfortable' enough with you to send you incriminating texts. Your sister is a nutcase sorry. Poor kid.

I would take the messages to the local police station and let them press charges.
If I could I would contact the girls mum and let her know that police and possibly ss will be in touch and why. The sis and father can wait unt they are contacted. They don't deserve any warnings.

mimi the op already has one where the sister admits intentionally tripping the girl up.

Ofcourse she shouldn't tell anybody she's going to report when physical abuse is an issue telling is never a good idea.

Telling solely the mother or even the mother first creats a huge barrier that could potentially prevent the child being protected.

Unqualified parent questions child it tends to mean that anything the mother reports the child as saying will get ignored she could be accused of priming the child.

Sadly abuse reported via parents when residency/contact ect is an issue can be a huge minefield and it will be more likely to be dealt with ineffectively,going straight to the police or nspcc or childrens services prevents this happening

Firstly tell her mother. If I was that girls Mother I can tell you quite categorically that your sister wouldn't get within a mile of my dd ever again and neither would her disgusting, ineffectual, cowardly father. The one who should be protecting her.

Nicki

Out of interest exactly how would you do that?

I'd rather not say, but it's something I already have done to a certain extent.

You definitely need to let the girls mum know.

Is her dad aware of what's going on or us your sister sneaky with what she does. Was he there when the trip happened. It could be he's unaware of what's going on.

You can't ignore it. She's moved onto physical abuse what happens when it escalates

Could either of your parents advise or intervene?

Ok - i worked in child protection...

As youve realised your sister is a bully. Dont forget she is also trying to bully the girls mother too. Her partner seems either cowed by her temper or some other reason for his inaction.

She has a short temper. She thinks it ok to bully and also physically assualt a child... And BOAST about it. She is not a responsible adult.

Please ring your local socials services. KEEP THE TEXTS/ do screenshots.

Do NOT tell your sister in advance. Dont give her a chance to think up excuses/lies.

Please do this today. In fact you can do it now. There will be a local out of hours number. Im sure someone will iinvestigate this today. They have a legal duty ti investigate.

It is important to do it while this poor kids injuries are still fresh. Horrid but true.

Please update here.

Jesus Christ. Wtf is wrong with her! What a nasty nasty woman. And why on earth is this man not kicking her to the curb and saving his daughter? That poor, poor girl.

Do the right thing and save those messages for SS.

PS as has been said up thread - the child wont even have the protection of being at school now as we are in the school holidays. The poor child has weeks of this abuse to look forward to.. As youve already said its escalating - it will only worsen.
The authorities will investigate this - in my old authority someone would be seeing her today.

These are not the actions of a caring step parent.

Please act! I know it's scary but you ARE doing the right thing!!

Assault against a child is a criminal offence.

I have worked in child protection too.

Please don't tell either the mother, father or the sister.

Take the evidence to the police and speak to the child protection unit.

They will act.

This child is surrounded by at least 2 abusive adults, one passive perhaps as in your bil but maybe not. He may enjoy seeing or knowing your dsis inflicts control and pain in his dd. your dsis is a child abuser.

We know nothing of the mother here.

Trust none of them op and go to the police. Far better than SS and more instant powers of action.

Do NOT tell your sister in advance well its on here, so it is hardly secret. By all means report it, but nowhere does it say the tripping up was deliberate, and even if it did, there is very little chance of ss or the police doing anything what so ever, in my experience a complaint like this will most likely not even be recorded.

As far as I can see the the OP has not come back.

She will not report her sister to SS, very few sisters would. Despite it being the right thing to do.

Her sister has no children, so does not understand that her Step daughter is a young person, behaving like a young person. She will attribute adult cognitive ability to her. She will think she is capable of plotting.

The only hope here is for the OP ( if you are still reading these replies) is to meet with the Father and threaten him. ( tell him that you are going to go to the Police) He is after all an accessory to abuse. Document everything for him as well.

You do realise OP if everything comes out and it becomes known that you knew all along that this poor child was being abused, your name will be mud.

I realise what a dilemma it is for you, but just think of the poor 10 year old.
Your sister is hardly going to stop what she is doing without a serious wake up call.
You are obviously a lovely caring person, please do the right thing.

Just wanted to add another voice saying go to the police/social services. If you don't you are agreeing to this, condoning it. Your are another face that turns away knowing a child is being abused. Do you want to be that person?

It doesn't matter what the family fall out you have to act on this.

I did want to add I wouldn't tell the mother first because if she were to bring up the complaint the father and his new partner could claim she was simple making it up to be vindictive towards them because she didn't like their relationship. It might harm the chances of it getting taken seriously.

Personally I would go straight to the authorities, reporting it to both the police and NSPCC. Someone should do something, you have proof.

Good post Holeinmyheart.
I think it highly unlikely OP will report her sister to SS. I think she can speak to the girl's father. It's what I would do.