i have a DD (15months) I had a very up and down pregnancy with DD and and i worked literally until i gave birth (did a 15hr shift the day before i went into labor and then the next day went into labor during my lunch) by about 34wks I was in a rut of going to work, sometimes picking DS up and then going home and passing out in bed as soon as DP could take over. This was pretty much expected, I gave birth to DD and went back to work when she was just weeks old (financial reasons), and we found an ok work life balance that we could live with. Our sex life went down the pan, as also expected but from pretty early on(when dd was a couple months) I tried to salvage it. tmi warning, a couple of months after dd was born I went out and bought some suggestive underwear, tried to woo DP and he burst out laughing and told me to just go to bed :( lots of these sort of things happened and I also tried it on with him almost daily (basically whenever the kids were sleeping and we had nothing else demanding our attention!) rejected. every single time. itd be "im tired" "my back hurts" etc... then my laptop broke, work includes running the work fb page so need access to a laptop, i borrowed dps. Btw DD was bang on 4 months that day. when i clicked on the search bar the most visited web page came up. it was a porn site but not the usual, it was one where you interacted and talked to and could instruct the women on the other end of things (via webcam, i doubt dp cammed back because we have no webcam but still) I went onto this site and scrolled through the cam chats on there, no idea which ones dp watched but still. dear god im crying about it again! on these videos/cams I didn;t see a single woman on there with a hair out of place nevermind one with hairy boobs (ta very much, hormones) stretchmarks and just general flab :(he was on this site at least every other day btw. im not going to lie this destroyed my self esteem, to this day I cannot walk past a mirror unless i walk very fast and am fully clothed, ive been unable to use a full body mirror since then and have cried myself to sleep over it too many times :( Im starting to hate him for doing this to me and for rejecting me like he did, weve tried talking about it but nope hes about as useful as a chocolate teapot!! "its only porn" I didnt fall down with the last shower of rain if he wanted porn he'd have gone to a porn site,not to a sexy chat site. Would it be unreasonable for me to walk out now, about stuff that happened a year ago?
AIBU?
aibu to leave DP over things that happened a year ago?
YUDOTHIS · 19/07/2015 10:18
Oh op - I feel so angry and upset for you.
My DS is 15 months old and last night me and DH had sex for the first time since he was born 
There were a variety of factors in terms of why it's taken this long but the main one is that I lost confidence in my appearance and I didn't want DH to see me naked or touch me. Even last night I wouldn't take my top off 
My DH has never, ever said or done anything to make me have this complex about myself and so the thought of your DP actively making you feel do bad as you do is just horrifying.
If your situation had happened to me there is absolutely no way I could come back from it. A DP/DH is supposed to love and support his partner and recognise when he needs to be there for her, not laugh at her, make her hate her body and then fuck around with women on the internet.
He sounds like an absolute bastard to be honest and despite having children with him I would leave him. He's not the sort of person you need in your life, especially seeing as your DP is supposed to be the one who loves and cares for you through good times and bad.
Don't let him destroy you further 
YDWNBU to ltb. I really feel for you
I am not bothered by a bit of general porn but your 'D'P has crossed lines that I don't think I could ever forgive. Firstly he has used porn instead of sexual intimacy with you. Secondly it was an interactive site - to me that's cheating.
I just asked DH what he thought of sites like that (I know DH occasionally watches generic porn - we can talk openly about things like that), his response was: "its cheating. Actually it's worse than cheating, because those type of sites would charge, wouldn't they? In which case it's as bad as going to a prosititute - the only difference being all you could catch is a computer virus rather than an actual STI - its disgusting and even worse than cheating" - says it all really that even a bloke whos honest about watching a bit of porn would think it's so disgusting and cheating.
Also you don't deserve to have your self-esteem destroyed. You deserve to be with someone who finds you sexy and wants sexual intimacy with you, not some paid woman on the internet.
He's been treating you shockingly badly OP. Certainly you could try couples counselling IF you think the relationship is worth salvaging.
I think some individual counselling for yourself would be a good idea. You've had an awful lot to deal with and not a lot of support by the sounds of it. Your self-esteem is -understandably - at an all time low and counselling might help you accept that this is not your fault and you haven't done anything wrong.
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