To tell my workmate to F*** Off?

[hilzypop]

For no apparent reason my slightly cookie collegue who i am very kind and tollerent of even though she is both lazy and annoying at work has taken it upon herself to be very blunt and tell me I look really old and have lots of lines around my eyes and look like I am very tired and grey! I apparently look older than my 29 years and when she first met me she thought I was 35. Last night i made some effort with my appearance on a work night out and she said oh you look really awful really old and tired so i told her to f off- it was that or burst onto tears and run to the toilet! She left shortly after that i shouldnt have used the f word but i was provolked! X

YANBU to tell her where to go, she'd already made her point at work so banging on about it when you were trying to enjoy your night was completely out of order. It's none of her business what you look like but basic manners usually provoke a response along the lines of "you look nice" when on a night out.

Just thinking about the motive behind sayng something like that - is she worried about you? Do you have a lot of stress in your life and she's trying to tell you that she knows you're having a difficult time? A stupid and very misguided way of doing so, but maybe that's why?

Either way, I wouldn't be overly pleasant to her in future and she might learn to be less rude.

Fuck off was the correct response. Well done. Do not apologise.

So I went into work today as if nothing had happened, I think my approach (although foul mouthed) worked! I did not apologies and have had no more appearance assassinations. For those of you wondering my colleague is 28 1/2 and is not a supermodel, she is pleasant enough looking and reminds me of a chubby toy owl I had as a child, I have kept my opinions to myself!

Ah good, OP, thanks for the update and hopefully that's an end to it.

Well done.
Who are these idiots who think it's acceptable to tell people they look "tired"?
I had this problem with a colleague too, every.single.time I saw her she'd tell me I look tired. I have deep set eyes, she was actually just criticising my face. How is that not rude?!
Wish I could have told her to fuck off too.

YANBU. These type of people have a problem being projected onto you-Well done xx

Yanbu.

Gaslighting? X

I have always felt insulted when told I look 'tired' but questioned if I was being a tad oversensitive.

Nice one, OP. Hopefully she's got the message.

Nice one, OP. Hopefully she's got the message.

Oops, sorry.

Ooh, does this mean I can say that to MIL?! She tells me I look tired and/or ill every single time I see her. Without fail. She then proceeds to run through her suggestions of why this might be - work? children? general inability to cope with life? Just. Fuck. Off.

Last time I saw her was at the funeral of a relatively close family member. Did she seriously expect me to look glowing and full of energy? Idiot.

Very bad form to comment on someone's appearance like that. If she can't say anything nice she should keep quiet!

oh how annoying! I bet she is one of those who says it's always best to be honest...no it's not if you don't have to say anything don't say anything! Totally YANBU

When people tell me I look tired my standard response is, "Well
you look pretty rough yourself". Amazingly they never seem to like hearing it.

When people tell me I look tired my standard response is, "Well
you look pretty rough yourself". Amazingly they never seem to like hearing it.

. Love it. Preferably said with a fake air of concern.
Honestly, there are ways of expressing concern for someone, without telling them they look tired.
I agree with pp who said 'kooky' only works up to a point, in getting away with stuff. It does not give someone a pass to make derogatory comments to others.
I hope she got the message, loud and clear, OP.

I have someone in work who always tells me I look tired, with faux concern, she, always has an audience before she says something.
After a couple of times I said "You're looking a bit shitty yourself, not sleeping due to hot flushes as well?" head tilt.
She was only in her 20's and stopped doing it after that.