To tell my workmate to F*** Off?

[hilzypop]

For no apparent reason my slightly cookie collegue who i am very kind and tollerent of even though she is both lazy and annoying at work has taken it upon herself to be very blunt and tell me I look really old and have lots of lines around my eyes and look like I am very tired and grey! I apparently look older than my 29 years and when she first met me she thought I was 35. Last night i made some effort with my appearance on a work night out and she said oh you look really awful really old and tired so i told her to f off- it was that or burst onto tears and run to the toilet! She left shortly after that i shouldnt have used the f word but i was provolked! X

Is she a supermodel?

I'd not be kind and tolerant at work. I'd just avoid her and any future comments on your appearance would be met with a raised eyebrow and a sharp 'go away'.

How about telling her that perhaps you look so knackered because you're covering her lazy cow ass most of the time. Cheeky cow. YANBU and I bet you look great

Yanbu she is borderline bullying you. Good on you hopefully she will keep her mouth shut.

Can I slightly derail here, as hearing a lot of people point out it wasn't in the office: it can still be classed as being "at work" - the protective umbrella extends to works events out.

I just don't want a MNer who (for instance) has been sexually harassed by a colleague at a works do to read that and get the wrong idea she's got no protection.

All that said, the protective umbrella also brings anti-bullying measures. OP, you were provoked and nowhere near as 'at fault' as your colleague. The F-word? Yeah, maybe not your finest moment (it is from here: damned proud of you!), but clearly nothing was getting through to her and this wasn't a time for subtlety.

Have a lovely weekend.

Thanks everyone- wish i thought of a witty come back. Ha really like the churchill one...though feel the c word would have been a step too far! ok no grovelling on monday and will have an f-ing great weekend! Ah its kookie! Woop woop!

You're not being unreasonable. It's a bout time she was made to sit up and think about what she says. Honestly some people really do think they can say what they like to people without any come back

er, I still a work night out as being an extension of the workplace (for those who commented that OP wasn't at work) - though that might be a sad reflection of where I work

Reading the OP, this colleague doesn't come across as 'kooky' to me, just as a B.I.T.C.H.

Good decision re the non grovelling return to work.

Now you don't have to respond at all, simply hold up one hand, in that really annoying "Talk to the hand" manner... OK add "I have already told you..."

Leave the kooky mare to work on her own social skills.

YANBU. I very rarely swear, and never out of the house, just my personal choice, not judging, but I think that I would have been tempted in this case. It almost sounds like gaslighting.

Nasty git.

I wouldn't make any attempt to approach or acknowledge her at work, much less grovel.

We once had a temp in our office who on her first day (having already insulted our entire IT dept) said to me "such a shame you don't wear a primer under your foundation... then you wouldn't look like shit by 11"

Perhaps she should have waited a day or so to find out who made the decision over if she stayed or not ;-)

Well, it wasn't within the workplace. And honestly, if I kept telling someone how dreadful I've decided they look, I'd fully expect worse than a swift 'fuck off'.

YANBU.

How unbelievably rude of her to continually comment on your appearance, who does she think she is?

Perhaps you could memorise a few put downs, (nothing nasty, personal or rude), that you could say if ever she mentions your appearance again.

Well she certainly had it coming! I like to think I would have responded the first few times with "I'm baffled as to why you think it's appropriate to make such rude comments on another person's appearance". But if I had let it lie and she kept on, I expect I too would eventually have cracked with a "fuck off you rude insensitive bitch!".

YANBU.
she sounds like a wanker to be honest.
sounds like she's had it coming for quite a while.

and absolutely DO NOT apologise for it should she challenge you about it when you see her at work next.

What a bitch. I agree to the no grovelling on Monday, just pull the 'did you mean to be so rude?' card if she tries it on at work though. And definitely post an update after Monday to let us know how she was!!

YAtotallyNBU.

Any apologising should be coming from here but with a bit of luck she and her kookiness will be giving you a very wide berth from now on.

her

YANBU - she was outrageously rude. She sounds like a bully.

What age is she to be telling a 29 year our they look 'old' ffs!?

Employment lawyer here. Whether it is classed as work (and therefore normal work rules apply) all depends. In my view a group of employees choosing to organise a night out is not work night out. A night out organised by the company is different. That being said of course if someone kept harassing someone outside of work it may become a work problem if it has an impact on working relationships.

Good for you, she probably had the shock of her life and I agree with some of the other comments, don't apologise. Unlikely that she'll bother you again. If she does, look her up and down disdainfully and say "I could say a lot about your appearance but I'm too polite".

YADNBU I hate disingenuous people over the age of twenty. It can be cute and kooky when you're young, but is no substitute for social skills and I expect everyone will lose patience!