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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

only been split up two weeks and he's already back in touch with his ex :(

33 replies

fedupofthisshit · 17/07/2015 19:04

Hi All, I feel like I am being unreasonable with this and I know it shouldn't but it's really upset me. Posted about a week ago about ex and I splitting up and all the problems caused by it. It was me who initiated the split as I just couldn't bit with him any more with everything going on and then things went massively downhill from there. We've been split up for about 2 weeks now and I've just found out he's back in touch with his ex. He stopped talking to her when we were together (his choice) as the only 2 reasons they ever spoke was 1) when she wanted money and 2) when one or both of them wanted a shag. Now he's back in touch with her already. They're only chatting about normal things so far but I can imagine where he wants it to end up :( They're chatting really publicly on his facebook, I know I should delete him but finding it hard to fully make that break. I know I have no right to be upset about this but it just seems really shit that we've been split up less than a month and he's already out looking for someone. Just feeling a bit down about it all really.

OP posts:
penisland · 17/07/2015 19:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FinallyHere · 17/07/2015 19:09

Don't look.

Honestly, you have to rip a plaster off quick, go slowly and it hurts more, over a longer period.

Go on, you know it makes sense, rip out the canker now and delete him everywhere, phone, facebook, the lot.

Let us know when you've done it,

PtolemysNeedle · 17/07/2015 19:10

If he's looking for someone already, that tells you that he's needy and a bit pathetic really. It won't be about her (or you), it will be about the fact that she is the easiest person he can get some positive female attention from.

I know it must hurt, and you might not be ready to see him as the pathetic wimp that he is, but you can only go upwards from here.

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter · 17/07/2015 19:11

Horrible post, penisland. Did you mean to come across as a misogynistic tosser?

InTheBox · 17/07/2015 19:13

This sort of thing is a bit like self-harm. I do understand your compulsion to look but it's not good for your emotional health. It's stopping you from moving on and pursuing your own life. Please delete and don't contact him again. It's normal and natural to grieve after the breakdown of a relationship but you need to put yourself first here.

PuntasticUsername · 17/07/2015 19:18

I vote penisland gets a pass, for making me laugh Grin

Original poster
fedupofthisshit · 17/07/2015 19:21

well penisland as blunt as your post is, that's precisely the reason I think IABU and know I have no right to be upset. I was expecting more like yours tbh.

Thanks though to all the sympathetic posts. I know I need to delete him, but I feel bad just erasing him from my life :(

OP posts:
penisland · 17/07/2015 19:24

Blunt I know, but the more you think about it like that the quicker you'll move on.

oabiti · 17/07/2015 19:28

Op, we could be on about the same man. These type of 'men' always seem to have someone who seems to be waiting for them in the wings. When I broke up with my ex, I took him off everything because I knew it would do my head in. He got back with an ex a few days after we split (he's living with her now)/and is also back in contact with a Woman who he had an affair with for a few years when he was with me Hmm If anything, it just shows how fickle they are and how they are so quick to replace, so long as their basic needs are met. Or at least, that is how it comes across to me.

ilovechristmas1 · 17/07/2015 19:30

he knows you will see the posts,hes trying to make you jealous

delete him,bet that shocks him,needy idiot,him not you op

Tiptops · 17/07/2015 19:35

You're not being unreasonable to be upset. Not at all.

I do think that blocking him is the best thing to do though, he may be acting like a dick but that doesn't mean you have to suffer seeing it.

Betty2012 · 17/07/2015 20:41

Completely agree with ilovechristmas, he's only doing it to make you jealous as you dumped him and he doesn't like it! Blatant move to make you jealous otherwise he'd be doing all this talking via text, not Facebook for everyone to see! Rebound is all she is!

Betty2012 · 17/07/2015 20:43

And no I don't think you're bu, just think it's a bit pathetic of him to be honest. Don't let him upset you

123Jump · 17/07/2015 20:45

My brother has just broken up with his partner of 5 years. He had the new girl all lined up, started seeing her days after they split.
What an arse, my mum told him it straight too!
You're well rid OP,he is just out for a shag anyway.

youareallbonkers · 17/07/2015 21:19

You ditched him, it's none of your business

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 17/07/2015 21:33

People like that can't bear being single. They look for validation in the opposite sex (or same, whatever) and being single precipitates a frantic search for the latest attention giver.

TheRealAmyLee · 17/07/2015 21:37

The fact he is trying to get back into his ex's pants so quickly says this:

YOU DID THE RIGHT THING.

Delete him now OP. The longer you leave it the worse it will be. Assuming you have no need to keep ties to this guy (ie no kids) then DELETE DELETE DELETE.

butterflygirl15 · 17/07/2015 21:45

block him on facebook and block her too. And make your own as private as it can be. And stop digging to find out what he is doing.

londonrach · 17/07/2015 21:46

Op, surely his behaviour now shows you that are amazing strong woman to call time on your relationship with him (defriend and book his facebook. You dont want to read about his attempts to himself feel better after not getting his first choice...you...Grin ). Look forward op after defriending him... Onwards and upwards..

TTWK · 17/07/2015 21:47

He's single, he can smash the hole out of whoever he likes.

You always did have a way with words, you silver tongued old charmer you!

However, the less than eloquant message contained therein is correct.

CoteDAzur · 17/07/2015 21:56

YABU. You left him. Why shouldn't he be in touch with his ex or another woman he might want to have a relationship with?

"we've been split up less than a month and he's already out looking for someone"

How long is the minimum time he should have spent in mourning for having lost you? Hmm

TTWK · 17/07/2015 22:15

How long is the minimum time he should have spent in mourning for having lost you?

I think it's bad form for him to try and hook up with his ex whist he's still walking down the OP's path. He needs to be completely out and have shut the garden gate behind him. That's when he's free to do as he pleases. So, about 30-45 seconds. Anything less is disrespectful.

Original poster
fedupofthisshit · 18/07/2015 00:04

Thanks for all the responses. I've deleted him on facebook but had a torrent of texts shortly afterwards. Unfortunately we still share a flat together for another week - well it's actually my flat but since the tenancy is running out in a week and I can't be around him, I've moved out and he's still living there.

Fair comment about how long he should wait but really, it's been about 2 weeks since we split up. We were together almost 4 years and he's still living in my flat! I don't know, as I said in my OP I think IABU, it's his life. Just sad he's trying to get someone new so quickly :(

OP posts:
DawnOfTheDoggers · 18/07/2015 00:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fatmomma99 · 18/07/2015 00:51

The thing is, for old people like me: When we had splits in the 1980's/90s we just didn't know what happened after, because all these things like facebook, twitter, snapchat, etc didn't exist.

So we hurt like fuck, and then we moved on, because we had to.

It was probably better for our mental health than following people's status-s is now.

so I would say "don't do it". But I would say that, wouldn't I: It's not my natural world.

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