AIBU to think you can't expect friends and acquaintances to fund your postgraduate dreams?

[FickleByNurture]

A friend of mine in his late 20s has just asked me to donate to his GoFundMe. He wants to do a PhD but says he can't afford it. He's looking for ~£20k in donations.

He says that he's been accepted for a PhD, which IME you will be if you offer to self fund and all that is standing in his way is his supposed poverty.

My problem with it is that it's not in a subject that will benefit society by its study, like medicine, science or engineering. It's a humanities subject. It's not at a prestigious university either, in case that is stopping him from getting a concurrent job. His family isn't really loaded but they aren't on the breadline - all the kids went to private school, live in an affluent part of the country etc. I'm not even sure it'll get him a better chance at employment to be honest. I'm struggling to see why he thinks that his friends, acquaintances and friends of friends (he's nagging us all to "share" the campaign) should fund him to potter about in higher education for a few years. AIBU?

Can't he work his way through university like most people do?

Don't imagine there's too many who work their way through a full-time, three year PhD. Discounting the odd bit of tutoring/marking.

Of course, that throws up a whole new question about why can't he do the PhD part time and work to fund it.

I actually have a problem with people defending the humanities on the grounds that they 'benefit society'. I don't think they have an instrumental benefit in the same way as sciences or social sciences may (but don't always). They're valuable for their own sake, not because they lead to something else.

That will be the impact agenda Theycallmemellowjello - we've all internalised it

I can't wait to see someone post about a bride who's trying to GoFundMe her wedding.

Erp yep REF has a lot to answer for unfortunately.

YABU. Then just don't donate, no need to go online and start thread dissing him. Some friend.

YANBU to think it is beyond cheeky for him to expect others to support his studying. If friends or family want to donate, who cares? But to ask for money is rather crass. Why isn't the university funding his PhD?

YABVU to say that humanities subjects don't benefit society. Genuinely LOLed (rather sardonically) when I read that.

dontrunwithscissors - no, not a genius. There's tons of stuff I know nothing about.

But if an acquaintance was asking me to donate my own money to fund their PhD, then yes, (to expand on "approved of") it would have to be on a subject that I thought sounded either beneficial to society or interesting before I'd consider handing my money over. I really don't see what's particularly arrogant or ignorant about that.

YABVVVVVVVVVU, rude and ill informed too. I think you have quite the chip on your shoulder reading between the lines. I'm guessing you'd quite like to have done, be doing a PhD but couldn't for some reason and you're more annoyed at him trying to find a way, than asking you for help, as others have said, just don't give him any money. The perpetual student guff is all about how others feel too, and late 20's is not old to be doing a PhD either, many of our friends didn't begin theirs until mid 30's!

I was specifically thinking of places like Oxford which tend to frown on people taking on jobs in addition to their degree work.

fickle, not that it matters, but Oxford doesn't care if you do a PhD part-time with work. Nor Cambridge. You are thinking of undergrads.

I am pretty much with you in thinking this is grabby, but you have a lot of misconceptions about universities/the Humanities that make you sound a bit rude, too.

Apologies if I've sounded rude. I assumed that I was allowed to give opinions on certain types of degrees based on the fact that I have one.

I have said before but yes he is pressuring me. I call him a friend but I have not actually spoken to him since university. I am not impressed with his begging and honestly can't see why he can't put in a bit of hard graft if he wants to pursue an interest.

I don't see why having a certain type of degree makes it any more ok to stereotype?

Why would it? So you have a History PhD: that doesn't mean you can imply everyone else who has one too, is not likely to be doing important work.

I do totally agree it is rude of him, and I don't think it is a great idea anyway. But it isn't fair to assume this is because of the type of university he's at, or the type of degree he's doing.

Humanities subjects are of benefit to society.

Kind of like how women are entitled to have an opinion on being a woman.

I thought you said you had an MA in a humanities subject? Not a PhD in History?

I don't get what you mean, that it's like women being entitled to have an opinion on being a woman.

Being a woman simply means you were born with girlparts and brought up as such - the qualifications aren't exactly academic! The whole point is that anyone might be able to bring a valid perspective.

The issue here is that you seem to be saying that because you have this degree he wants to take, therefore you can write off degrees like that as being unimportant. But you obviously don't know how they work these days, or you wouldn't have said what you said about part-time working/working alongside a job.

You aren't wrong to be annoyed with him, but you will keep coming across as knee-jerk judgmental if you make generalisations that don't hold up.

I don't think the OP has the degree her friend wants to take Jeanne.

He is being a dick, obviously.

Pleased to see such staunch defence of history/the humanities. We should have a humanities lovers thread!

She does, george:

I assumed that I was allowed to give opinions on certain types of degrees based on the fact that I have one.

But, I don't agree with her. She is right to be irritated with this bloke for being greedy, but to assume his degree isn't socially worthwhile because hers wasn't is daft, frankly.

No, she posted earlier that she has a masters in a humanities subject. Not a Phd (and not in History).

Oh.

I completely disagree with the idea that 'there's no harm in asking'.

Asking other people to fund your non-essentials is rude and entitled, and v tacky.

*Can't he work his way through university like most people do?

Don't imagine there's too many who work their way through a full-time, three year PhD. Discounting the odd bit of tutoring/marking*

Well, when dh was doing his, he used to work 3 nights a week in a local bar. Then additional jobs in the holidays. He'd done a lot of random jobs suring his degree too. We also worked out, that, as two fully functioning adults, who were old enough to get married - as this chap has - we also had to fund any lifestyle choices we made. So I was working. We also had a baby (well baby and toddler by the end) and we were exhausted and broke, but there is no way in a million years we would have gone with a begging bowl to random friends and acquaintances. There comes a time when you have to either fund your own life, or commit to whatever debt it costs to live the life you choose to, and not rely on people giving you their money.

bold fail

What are the perks?!
£10 will get you your birthdate history
£20 you can come on a student pub crawl
£50 will trace your family tree
£100 will come to your house and bore your arse off with my thesis