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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Those of you with teens at home...what do they do to help around the house?

73 replies

Happyringo · 17/07/2015 07:23

DD is 15. Does nothing, literally nothing, other than tidy her room (under duress). I have definitely been at fault for allowing this situation to develop and I just wonder how much do other people's teenagers do?

This kind of came to a head yesterday when I asked her to play with her little sister for half an hour while I cooked dinner and she made out I was asking something outrageous.

(For info, the house consists of me, DH (not 15yr old DD father) DD age 15 and our 3 yr old DD. 15yr old DD stays at her father's alternate weekends).

OP posts:

Original poster

Happyringo · 17/07/2015 20:04

It's good to know I'm not alone thanks everyone for your responses!

Lots of you seem to have a good balance, which is what I want to achieve too. Some definite arse-kicking over the holidays I think ????

OP posts:

froggyjump · 17/07/2015 20:10

DS1 (16) lays the table for dinner every night, washes up 3 times a week, takes the recycling out regularly.
DS2 (14) clears the table, washes up 3 times a week, feeds the cat daily.

On top of that they hoover downstairs, dust and polish and look after DS3 (4) when asked - often reluctantly, but they do do it!

However, their bedrooms are absolute hovels, and I have to threaten to bin everything to get them to clean/tidy.

crustsaway · 17/07/2015 20:14

Not a lot :) but neither did I at that age.

IHaveBrilloHair · 17/07/2015 20:18

Dd 13, now tbf she has to do stuff because I can't (chronic illness), but even without, I expect that she does the bins, scoops the litter trays, hoovers each day.
The kitchen is my domain, I rarely ask her to do anything in it, and I swipe over the bathroom most days.
Her room is her choice, and if I ask her to do do mine I pay her.
It's not perfect, many huffy sulks but we get there.

Hellionsitem2 · 17/07/2015 20:24

My 13 year old unloads and reloads the dishwasher every day. Also cleans bedroom daily. Plus a bigger job at the weekends

Scooby2015 · 17/07/2015 20:35

DS (16) & DD (11) clear table, load dishwasher, empty dishwasher, feed 3 pets, walk dog, and any other random request daily. Putting recycling out.

At weekend, both share vacuuming, dusting of one floor of house, (I do the other), both come shopping with me (unless out with friends) (usually have at least 1 of them with me as I have a bad back) and putting shopping away when get home. Peg washing out. Put a load of washing on and can sort it for tumble dryer too. Neither have mastered the art of putting washing on a clothes horse though!

Weekly DS puts bins out. They change their own beds.

They both have pocket money at the end of the month, £40 for DS and £30 for DD.

At the moment they want to earn extra so DS has cleaned cars and next week as both have finished school they will clean cupboards out in kitchen.

When we are getting caravan ready to go away they help pack it.

They do get treats though, DS gets magazine bought for him weekly and DD gets make up/ stationary or something.

Rules are if you don't do your chores you don't get pocket money! If they want something and haven't got the money, I will buy and they work the debt off.

Both have money going directly into the bank and they manage it themselves.

I am fairly confident they would be pretty self sufficient now.

I am preparing them for uni! Both can cook basic meals.

Don't trust them with the ironing though!

Yarp · 17/07/2015 20:39

15 and 12

No regular chores, but both of them will do things when asked. Occasionally without being asked three times

e.g. loading/emptying dishwasher, hoovering, stripping their beds, putting laundry in basket, sorting socks, putting washing away, put washing out.

The 12 year old is lazier than the 15 year old

Yarp · 17/07/2015 20:44

I don't put up with flipping out about being asked to do things. I don't ask them to do much, so I have no truck with that, and nor does DH

crustsaway · 17/07/2015 20:48

I dont tell my son to do chores either, I ask for little and he does it. As for preparing for uni, well no, let him get the shock of looking after himself I say thats what its all about.

windchime · 17/07/2015 20:50

DS 15 puts the bins out every week . Otherwise he does nothing. I think their teenage years are hard enough without forced drudgery around the house too.

Mistigri · 17/07/2015 21:05

Mine are 12 and 14. Between them, they lay and clear tables, help clean their bedrooms, strip and help make beds, water the garden and help with sweeping/ hoovering. Oldest cooks quite a lot (prepares salads and vegetables for me, and will make complete veggie meals on her own) and will wash up if asked.

And i always think they dont do nearly enough!

Eva50 · 17/07/2015 21:22

I did very little before I left home and strangely I survived.

Ds1 (19) & Ds2 (17) have some s/n's so I do make allowances but ds2 hoovers the living room, hallway and stairs once or twice a week, unloads the dishwasher every day and looks after ds3 (9) when I need him to. He keeps his bedroom tidy as he cant stand mess.

Ds1 changes his own bed and makes an effort to tidy his room once a week but really needs me to give him a hand. He sometimes pays ds3 (9) to tidy it for him. He is good at popping to the shops for me. He will do jobs like painting the fence or shed.

Ds3 (9) doesn't have any real jobs but does any odd job he is asked to, mows the lawn and waters the plants.

missymayhemsmum · 17/07/2015 22:11

My dd1 at that age did a lot of the cleaning, ironing (because she liked ironed clothes) and cooking (if she was home first. Her brother did what he was asked, eventually, and often with poor grace. As a working lone parent I sat down with them, made a list of the jobs that had to be done, put my name against the ones only I could do (bill paying, supermarket trip, providing lifts to activities, and did a fair divvy of the rest. I think that's the key, a family meeting, starting from the point of we all live together, this is what needs doing, this is my fair share, this is your fair share. It's about treating her as a contributor, not a passenger.

Am plucking up courage to try the same on dd2 (8) who has a major drama to avoid doing anything at all!

MissWest80 · 18/07/2015 00:46

14 year old soon to be 15 ds cooks basic meals, tides his room, hoovers occasionally. Over school holidays he is very good with ds 3 (age 5) and ds 4 (age 3.5). He plays with them, gives them something to eat or drink, he even changed ds4's nappy the other day . Hopefully it will continue all summer long...

cranberryx · 23/07/2015 12:51

I felt I had to comment, as this sounds like MY mother who would leave list upon list during the summer holidays and every day the list got done the next day it would be twice as long.

I have nightmares about this bloody list and I haven't been a teenager for a decade.

I think my main thing with this would be just to stress how important it is that they clean up after themselves, any dishes for lunch cleaned away, room fairly tidy.

Anything else is just putting stress on time that they may need to reset before they start the school year.

Babyroobs · 23/07/2015 13:39

Mine 3 ds's ( aged 16, 14 and 12) don't do a lot. My eldest takes the dog for a decent walk most weekdays to help me out and my 14 year old has been watching his younger siblings for a few afternoons this week while I have to work ( not really a chore as he just watches TV and makes sure they are ok, but it does mean he can't go out with his mates !). They have to do a bit of washing up and pegging washng out etc to get pocket money.Occassionally they will do some weeding or wash the car to earn extra money.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 23/07/2015 13:45

Ds1-20 and is home from university, he does his own laundry,hangs it out hoovers as required and puts out the recycling, he'll start any cooking off if I ask but I'm off for the summer holidays now and I love to cook.

DS1- 18 mows the lawns, does the recycling, cleans the kitchen and hoovers as asked.

Ds3-15 doesn't do a great deal tbh.

GasLIghtShining · 23/07/2015 14:06

Bugger all basically although my DS who is 16 will sometimes start cooking if I am late home

muminhants1 · 23/07/2015 14:29

My 12 year old will make himself a sandwich. Under duress he will tidy his room and put clothes in the washing basket.

What is this "making a bed" chore? Do you all have sheets and blankets? Making a bed takes less than 10 (5?) seconds to pull a duvet straight. Am I missing something?

EllenJanethickerknickers · 23/07/2015 14:36

I had a small meltdown one Mother's day over an inappropriate card. (Am divorced and it was a 'funny' card praising dad. )

Since then DS1 empties the dishwasher every morning, DS2 makes all the drinks for evening meal and DS3 lays the table. They all help making their beds, (cabin beds, too high for me) and put their laundry in the wash basket.

DS1 babysits often. He gets regular pocket money of £10/week. The other two only get £2.50/week.

EllenJanethickerknickers · 23/07/2015 14:37

Muminhants, I mean putting clean sheets on and clean duvet cover. Daily bed making not necessary.

Twugaroon · 23/07/2015 14:51

Almost nothing. Which drives me MAD!!!!!!!!!

SAHD63 · 23/07/2015 15:01

Happyringo Perhaps ease her into some chores over the holidays? Both my DDs do a lot but had jobs as soon as they started getting pocket money (and pets) so have been used to helping out from an early stage. We are also a 'shared household' so everyone joins in with all tasks until they are completed. The only thing I would say is that I eased off expectations at certain times as I wanted study and homework to be the priority.

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