Those of you with teens at home...what do they do to help around the house?

[Happyringo]

DD is 15. Does nothing, literally nothing, other than tidy her room (under duress). I have definitely been at fault for allowing this situation to develop and I just wonder how much do other people's teenagers do?

This kind of came to a head yesterday when I asked her to play with her little sister for half an hour while I cooked dinner and she made out I was asking something outrageous.

(For info, the house consists of me, DH (not 15yr old DD father) DD age 15 and our 3 yr old DD. 15yr old DD stays at her father's alternate weekends).

DD (16 with SN) daily recycling, empty dishwasher and put pots away, play with dog in garden, tidy room, helps hang washing, gets washing in.

DS (15) has a daily paper round and a kitchen job (2x weekly) in a restaurant, cleans room, fills dishwasher, looks after DD if we go out.

happyringo - I can see how you family situation led to that and I'm sorry for your loss, that must have been tough. I also did masses of chores when I was young, too much really - my sister and I had lists every day including cleaning the whole of a large house, doing all the weeding in a big garden, etc etc. We had 2 working parents, no help at home and it was down to us. So I also don't want my kids to have the same level of drudge and I probably let untidy rooms slide more than other, tidier mothers might. It is about finding a balance and also being appreciative of efforts - my mother never thanked us for our work as she thought it was our duty, and I remember when I stayed with an aunt who thanked me for emptying the dishwasher, I was amazed, but it felt great.

Eldest turns 16 soon, youngest is 14 next week. Both boys.

Eldest cuts the grass. They both weed the patio and water the garden.

Eldest sweeps and hovers. Youngest dusts and waters indoor plants.

Both have to keep their own rooms tidy and put their laundry away.

They quite enjoy helping with cooking and baking. One sets the table for the evening meal and the other clears.

Hoovers, not hovers... Thank you spellcheck!

I expect DD's 11 and 12 to tidy their rooms, sort out their washing, put washing away, make beds etc

I expect DD aged 6 to do most of that as well

my eldest also likes to cook tea and hoover and the middle one cleans out the guinea pigs - this is done in exchange for cash!

DS is almost 14 and does very little. In term time I don't mind as he is at school 6 days a week. Now it's holidays though I want to get him to do more. And I know he will moan.

He currently puts his washing in ghe laundry basket in his room eventually.

DS is fussy about food and finds a lot of things 'yuck' so will only clear certain things off the table.

He does mow the lawns - ride on mower so not exactly taxing!

Might have a chat tonight over dinner and give him a few things that are his responsibility over the summer.

Mine don't have any regular jobs because I found checking they were done just made an extra job for me! Also, I like to give them more/less according to how much pressure they're under at school.

However, neither would dare say no to anything I asked them to do and they regularly mow the grass, do some weeding, wash the car, clean the bathroom, wash up, cook, hoover etc. Just not a set loads of jobs every week IYSWIM

I did hardly anything at home because Mum found it easier to do it herself and TBH was pretty rubbish at everything for the first 5 years I had my own house!

Mine does very little but that's true for all of us as we work FTOTH so have a cleaner. He's 18 soon.

If I give him a list of chores though he'll do them.

DD1 age 16. Only one regular job (put laundry away for whole household), but will also when asked: lay the table, help with cooking, look after little sister, get things for me from upstairs etc. However I am a SAHM, and until recently she had a full time 'job' preparing for GCSEs.

I have 2 years to prepare her for independent living. We may well need that 2 years, but she will be ready when needed.

No kids here yet but growing up my DB and I did the weekly house clean, emptied bins, put away clothes, prepped dinner (DM did cook but it was never her job to clean up afterwards and to this day she makes DF and my younger DB clean up after dinner)

As adults we are all able to cook, clean, run a house etc. This is a hell of a lot better than my DH who never did anything and needs to be told what to do now. When he visits PIL he doesn't even have to make a cup of tea.

Mine have to change their bedding and are expected to help when asked whether it's shopping, preparing a meal, unloading/reloading the dishwasher, etc.

DH and I don't have specific jobs for them they're simply expected to be part of our family and muck in.

I have DD 14, 12 and 3. The older 2 have always been expected to help out with DD3. Quite often the deal may be take your wee sister out on her bike or do the dishes. They hoover, put out bins, tidy their room and living room, cook if asked or offer, do dishes if asked and set the table, sort and put on family laundry and tidy away. The only chores mostly reserved for me are ironing as it is difficult to do safely with DD3 around and bathroom cleaning as I am a bit particular about it. We do not have set jobs and rotas but everyone mucks in to run the household. I am in charge of HH management which means I delegate.

Our boys are 16 and 13. The 16-year-old cleans the kitchen a couple times a week, and vacuums the hallway and living room daily. The 13-year-old cleans the dining room and upstairs bathroom a couple times a week, and vacuums the dining room and the stairs daily. He also empties the litterbox a couple times a week. They unload/load the dishwasher a couple of times a day. They take out the trash on Sundays, and clean their (shared) bedroom once a week or so. They mow the lawn once a week in the summer, and shovel snow in the winter.

They also do other things to help out me out, like they haul the dirty laundry downstairs on Saturdays so I can sort and wash it, then they take the clean laundry back up after I've washed, dried, and folded it. When I come home from the grocery, they unload the car and take the groceries to the kitchen so I can put them away.

I feel like they do a lot, but my mom waited on us hand and foot when I was growing up, and it has affected my ability to get things done. I didn't even know how to use a washing machine when I got married; my husband had to show me! I don't want them to struggle with it like I have. We do give them allowances for doing their chores, too.

DS (18) has got away with doing very little up until now other than making up his bed after I have stripped it.

Since he has finished his A levels though I have had him actively 'employed' doing household chores as he has not bothered to find himself a job and I'm sure as hell not having him lying around playing on gadgets all day whilst me and DH run around doing everything.

So far this week he has had to cook dinner twice (from scratch), hoover the whole house, empty all the bins, deep clean his bathroom - including cleaning window and window frames and mopping floor. His response "I thought slavery had been abolished" .

He can iron - but will only do his jeans and shirts if he wants them and they are languishing in the ironing pile.

I have many more jobs lined up for him - all part of his independence training for University life of course

When DD1 is home, she makes dinner sometimes as she loves cooking, entertains DD2 for HOURS on end by playing with her, and does a few other things. My mum died when I was younger so I had to help my dad endlessly, so I'm a bit funny about making her do chores as I remember hating it so much.

Mine is 16 and just finished yr11 so is enjoying his long holiday.

Today he has put the dishes away, washed up, sorted laundry and picked stuff off the floor ready to hoover. Didn't quite make it to the next step of actually hoovering!

We will do kitchen clear up together later.

I travel for work and he is a better housekeeper than my H.

When he's at school I expect less, but I will not have my sons leaving home thinking housework is someone else's job or not knowing how to put a load of washing on.

Nothing if not asked/forced.

Her room is a tip but she will randomly tidy it if a friend is coming round.

She will bring her washing down and leave it in the utility room until I point her in the direction of the machine. Often there are recycled clean clothes in amongst it.

She will take the dog out if asked.

She will visit her grandfather up the road and spend time chatting to him (monetary transactions may be involved in this)

She will load and empty the dishwasher, if prompted.

Really, I have failed as a mother.

I have four aged almost 19, 17, almost 16 and 14. This is a list of what they all do:-

Eldest DS (19 and has ASD and Dyspraxia) likes to cook. Cooks dinner for the six of us three or four times a week. Bakes as well. Looks after all polans in garden, so far this year he has potted up, waters and put the canes up. Hoes weeds everyday (he finds this uber relaxing). Does his own laundry and is just starting to do his own ironing. Cleans his room. Makes cracking cup of tea and offers regularly.

Eldest DD (17) does her own ironing. Cooks for herself twice a week as she does Air Cadets and also does all packed lunches daily. Hoovers entire house once a week.

Youngest DS (almost 16). Does all DIY and odd jobs, has spent today cleaning carpets in lounge, stairs and landing with the VAX. He is regrouting bathroom next week. Makes cracking cup of tea and offers regularly.

Youngest DD (14 and has ASD and Dyspraxia) slightly more challenging as she is struggling at the moment at school etc., so she bakes a couple of times a week and keeps her room tidy. She can pick up more when she is ready.

As a teen if I wanted pocket money I had to help around the house. Hoovering, dusting, washing dishes, keeping room tidy (if this wasn't done, my mum would set a time it had to be done by, if it wasn't done she'd put it all in black bags outside! Soon sorted us out!)

I will take this same stance with My DC, probably using a rota system. DD 6 years old already has a list of jobs. She helps with the dishwasher, she's responsible for making sure her dirty washing is in the basket, helps set the table and does a big tidy in her room once a week. She gets a set amount of money for each job which she saves for whatever she wants

I fall into the pattern of not wanting my child to have the childhood I had. I cooked and cleaned, weeded the garden, did the laundry and ironing from an early age. I probably didn't do them fantastically well but I did them. DS(15) will do lots of things if asked (walk dog, cook a meal, wash dishes, lay table, mow lawn, empty bins, peg out washing) but I don't ask that often. During the school holidays I expect him to cook a meal once a week and walk the dog once a day.

Mine are no longer teens
From being 11 they had to do their own ironing and make own packed lunches - take turns to wash up, keep own rooms clean and tidy - collect dirty washing and put away clean, change own beds
Would do ad hoc tasks as asked
From 13/14 they took over all household cleaning (paid at above minimum wage)
Now they pay board, but we still share communal area household tasks for example DD vacuums and DS dusts
Everyone does their own rooms, laundry etc
Cooking and washing mainly me - but all are capable and offer as see fit
DS sorts recycling and takes bins out etc he also enjoys baking
DD puts shopping away and helps in other ways
Both will help with simple DIY, painting and decorating
The only task that falls totally to me is gardening - unless I'm unwell then direct accirdinhly

Accordingly

There's 7 of us,me,DH,3 DS 19,17 and 13 and 2 DD 12 and 7.

Myself,DS(13)and DD(7) are all disabled.

Oldest DS does pretty much nothing to help out at all but he does have a full time job that he works really hard at(he's only been there a few months and already been given a pay rise and shares in the company)I have recently stopped tidying his room He can be really good though at sitting down with his DB 13 and DS 12 to discuss they're homework and he'll help them research things.

DS17 is a bit of a gem bless him he'll always ask if me or his Dad want anything doing,sometimes he'll ask if there's any jobs he can do round the house to earn a few pounds,but then half the time he won't take any money of us,he just likes to help.

He walks all 3 Dogs for us every evening,he strips his own bed every week,he makes sure his dirty laundry goes into the laundry bag,he'll hoover/dust sometimes,he often helps me water all the plants and we have a lot of plants in both the gardens.

He'll always help his Dad with getting stuff up into or down from the attic,he's the first one to offer to help his Dad load up the car to take stuff down the tip.He's also amazingly patient with his younger siblings especially his littlest sister,she tells everyone he's her Bestest Love and he says the same about her.He'll sit and read to her and he'll help her with her phonics and a day doesn't go by without him asking me and his Dad if we'd like a drink or anything to eat,he's really sweet like that.

DS13 goes through stages(he's autistic)sometimes he loves helping and will run and do jobs,that myself or DH would normally do and is beaming about what he's managed to do on his own,other days you'd think we had committed the worst crime possible if we ask him to put his shoes away.

DD12 is a lot like DS13,sometimes she's brilliant other days we got a war raging for asking her to hang her coat up,but she is amazingly patient with DD7 and DS13.

DD7 is autistic and physically disabled so we still have to do a lot for her,but she loves helping me in the garden watering plants and weeding and planting out new plants and sometimes she likes to wash up.

OP THANKYOU!!!! For this thread I can show OH that I AM right and my teens are normal

Op don't despair.

My dds are 15/16 and do anything I ask but nothing unless! except tidy their rooms. My older dss were pretty good again if I asked but didn't come natural. They have moved out now and been kicked into shape by girlfriends so were always trainable I was just soft.

I did jack shit at home but soon learned when I left.

As long as she does what you ask with reasonably good grace that's probably fine?

I am a softy though.