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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this is a bit shitty

64 replies

Bonkers1 · 16/07/2015 23:14

I've been given a great opportunity to temporarily cover a vacant position at work since someone left. The job is a promotion for me and I am aware I need to be interviewed for it to become a permanent position, however I am in a very good place to get the job since I've been covering it for a couple of months.

I was telling a colleague from a different dept about this, I know her well, we're always having coffee and lunch etc. I was saying how much I'd love to get the job permanently and she knew how important it was for me. I find out today that she's applied for the job at the eleventh hour. It's not even a promotion for her, it's a sideways step. There are no other applicants.

I know she is perfectly within her rights to apply for the job, I just feel really pissed off about it and think it's a shitty thing for her to do. I would still have needed to pass an interview to get the job but now I have competition and pretty stiff competition she is too as she's better qualified than me. I know it's dog eat dog out there. Maybe I've been naive.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 16/07/2015 23:44

Bonkers I don't think the centre of the universe comment was aimed at you.

LilyMayViolet · 16/07/2015 23:47

I think it's underhand because she sat with op at lunch, listened to op enthuse at how she was applying for a much wanted job and didn't give an inkling she was also going to apply.

StupidBloodyKindle · 16/07/2015 23:48

anon fair play but I couldn't sit there squirming, not with someone I had and with often. I am also a 'last minute applicant' but this is due to disorganisation as opposed to last minute flashes of inspiration... I always thought Sod it, it will end upon the same pile, but do wonder whether the people who process the applications think: last minute tardy bugger!

LilyMayViolet · 16/07/2015 23:48

Yes Bonkers so would I.

Original poster

Bonkers1 · 16/07/2015 23:49

Oh OK! Thanks for all the messages of luck. If I don't get it I'm not sure I'll want to put myself through the process all over again for her job.

OP posts:

FlatWhiteToGo · 16/07/2015 23:51

Yeh - she's not being shitty by applying for the job. She's well within her rights, whatever her motives. But she has some serious personality issue if she can sit there and listen to a close colleague (if not a proper 'friend') talk about the job and get excited and not actually mention "oh by the way...". Even if she felt uncomfortable she could have at least sent a text or email later. Very shady behaviour.

ilovesooty · 16/07/2015 23:51

I don't think it's at all underhand. The OP made the choice to talk about the job. She's not in any way obligated to disclose her own plans.

Anon4Now2015 · 16/07/2015 23:55

But she has some serious personality issue if she can sit there and listen to a close colleague (if not a proper 'friend') talk about the job and get excited and not actually mention "oh by the way...".

Given that I'd already said that's what I'd do, thanks for your nasty judgementalism! No personality issues at all here, thanks. Not even minor ones.

Original poster

Bonkers1 · 16/07/2015 23:55

It'll be interesting when I see her next week around the office. I'd just like to see how she reacts as we do know each other well and it'll be a massive elephant in the room.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 16/07/2015 23:58

Incidentally I went for an interview today. It was common knowledge that I was applying and it would have been next to impossible to hide the fact. (Can't explain why)

Two other colleagues were interviewed,one yesterday and one immediately after me. I only found out this afternoon. I was chatting about the role with them only last week. Neither told me they had applications in. I don't think they were in any way obliged to tell me.

StupidBloodyKindle · 16/07/2015 23:58

urethra great name btw, are you my dh, this is one of his jokes?! I don't think anyone sane thinks the world revolves around their sunny behind, but I am surprised you have not come across this phenomenon...there was a thread just the other week from a woman looking to buy a house whose neighbour then decided she wanted to sell, and lo, behold, going to view exact same house. If the OP was enthusiastic about the post, subconsciously it may have influenced her friend. In an Inception-movie stylee. As Bill Hicks used to say, Just Planting Seeds.
As for babies, I can't psychobabbletheorise on that as mine were never planned/tried for but I have come across the phenomenon of friends having babies which then kind of set off a baby boom in the friendship group so on a subconscious level there may well have been a domino effect or we were just all getting to that settling down age

PourMyselfACupOfAmbition · 16/07/2015 23:59

Hang on. How did you find out that she had applied?

LilyMayViolet · 17/07/2015 00:03

It's one of those situations where someone hasn't done anything wrong as such but where the manner in which they've done it affects the way you view them negatively. A bit like telling a friend you fancy someone, they listen intently and then, without saying anything to you go and make a play for them!

ilovesooty · 17/07/2015 00:11

I wouldn't view anyone negatively for it. Jobs are something everyone's entitled to go for and play close to their chest as far as I'm concerned. Someone's decision to talk about it isn't another potential applicant's responsibility.

I doubt whether most men in the workplace look at job applications from an emotional, personal or relationship perspective.

LilyMayViolet · 17/07/2015 00:17

You may be right about that ilovesooty. I just can't imagine doing that and saying nothing though. Fair enough if I hardly knew them but if I'd actually spent time with them and they'd discussed it with me? Fine to go for it but not to mention it? I'd feel really deceitful.

ToastedOrFresh · 17/07/2015 00:21

StupidBK - I agree with you actually. It wasn't I'm the centre of the universe post either. Fucking 'dog in the manger' attitude is the same over just about everything that anyone wants to be dog in the manger about.

Or just outright juvenile copying. How many kids throw a tantrum that someone else has something that they didn't know they wanted until they saw the other person with it.

Some people don't let on when they are taking their driving test in case they fail then they can keep it to themselves.

Some people seem to take this view regarding applying for a job either internally or externally and with good reason too.

Bogeyface · 17/07/2015 00:33

You think people change jobs, buy houses and have babies not because they want to but to get one over on you? hmm Wow, you really think an awful lot of yourself! It must be hard being the centre of the universe.

Presumably that was aimed at me.

No I dont think that I am the centre of the universe but I do know that there are people out there that would do anything in order to "beat" someone else to a life goal.

My ex best friend bought a house she didnt like after viewing because a colleague of hers said that she was planning on viewing it and was glad that she wouldnt be stepping on my ex BFs toes if they made an offer. She hated the house and it was back on the market within a year, she just didnt want her colleague to have it.

She did the same with TTC but I cant tell the story as it is too identifying but she "won" that one too. It cost her a marriage because her DH didnt want another child and she lied to him to get it, but that didnt matter because she had won.

It is never about what you want to do, it isnt about being the centre of the universe, its about fucked up people hating the thought that you might have beaten them in a competition you didnt know you were a part of.

AyeAmarok · 17/07/2015 01:04

There really are people like Bogey describes in the world. I've known a few.

But there could be a very innocent explanation for this too. I never tell anyone about job interviews, driving tests, TTC plans etc because I don't want the extra pressure.

Original poster

Bonkers1 · 23/07/2015 21:31

Quick update - I got the job!!!! Ner Ner!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

tilliebob · 23/07/2015 21:32

Good for you Bonkers

keepingsecrecy · 23/07/2015 21:33

Congratulations

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 23/07/2015 21:34

Congratulations!

irie · 23/07/2015 21:36

Well done you!

Motherinlawsdung · 23/07/2015 21:36

Hurray! glad you got it. And remember this episode as a valuable lesson for the future.
Congratulations.

AyeAmarok · 23/07/2015 22:02

Hurrah!

Chuffed for ya.

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