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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban him from Prom

66 replies

RachelRagged · 15/07/2015 12:45

I am asking for a friend . She will read these (forum phobic).

Her Son has a prom tomorrow (Primary leaving not Secondary/High)

Last night he was aggresive and rude and he was told if he carried on there would be no Prom . He carried on so she has stuck to her word. However, some school gate Mothers are telling her she's is "out of order" or "that's a shame, poor J" (initial only). Another said "Oh its only the one Prom as well" . which is shit as they of course have Proms when leaving Secondary

Was she BU ? I do not think so personally .

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 15/07/2015 17:52

I wouldn't backtrack.

He needs to learn there are consequences to behaving unpleasantly.

A prom/party/disco is a treat, not a right.

KrevlornswathoftheDeathwokClan · 15/07/2015 18:01

No way would I backtrack. Especially now he has been rude again. She needs to stay calm and reiterate the consequence. If he runs off she needs to ring school and then go and wait outside in the car so she can fetch him. He then spends the evening in his room with no technology.

Original poster
RachelRagged · 15/07/2015 18:05

Well she is sticking to the ban. Thanks everyone, I am going to copy the thread into an email and send it to her to read all the replies.

I am off out now but thanks for your views and opinions.

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 15/07/2015 18:15

Yes Tantrums we all make mistakes and dont always do the right thing. No one is arguing other wise, but he does not even seem remorseful for his behaviour, so what is his mum to do let it go unpunished and in 2 years he is running amock, and got everyone terrified. Then who will be blamed. Yes of course his mother.
You can't win. If you do Instill discipline and punish wrong doing. You're seen as controlled disciplinarian. If you let them do what they like. It's oh I know what I'd do with that child if it were mine. That mother should go to parenting classes. She has no control. Society can't have it both ways.
Now if op was on here saying, her friend's son is really sorry and has made his mum a card to apologise. Then that puts a totally different perspective on things and I would be saying. All children give their cheek. (Which they do. My own included) and he has apologised and seems to sincerely mean it. She should cut him some slack,

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 15/07/2015 18:45

Whats going to happen when he hits high school and gets a punishment? Have a strop? What about work? Its not the packet its rudeness. If a parent has to pay for the kids/clothes/lifts etc he is no doubt being ungrateful. Mom said No and he doesnt like it - his behaviour hasnt improved (he still thinks she doesnt mean it) He should be on his best behaviour trying to win mom round ...,saying sorry and being helpful. If I asked a grown up who dropped rubbish on the floor to pick it up.... would I be unreasonable .... if they had a major strop about it?

LynetteScavo · 15/07/2015 19:46

Eh? Usually mothers of violent, rude advised to phone the police on MN.

Personally I'd back down if he apologised.

Original poster
RachelRagged · 16/07/2015 14:27

Hello

Update for you all .

DF read all messages and has decided, in view of photos being taken and last goodbyes said that her DS can go to Prom.
He has not got away with his cheek though and she has taken his psp thing which he will have returned on Saturday.

OP posts:
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 16/07/2015 16:05

Hooray he's going!Grin

Have to say that's a really soft punishment compared to what she was going to dish out!

Original poster
RachelRagged · 16/07/2015 16:17

I don't think she anticipated how important it seems to be. He came out of school with a face down to his knees with friends chattering about Prom , said he was very really sorry . . she couldn#t carry it out and is now looking for her camera to take some pics.

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 16/07/2015 16:37

Oh well he's said Sorry. That's fair enough. You can't do any more I guess.

drudgetrudy · 16/07/2015 16:57

I think that its a good thing to have a few "punishments" up your sleeve in advance so you aren't tempted to impose an out of proportion one in the heat of the moment.
Your friend got into a bit of a mess. Threatening and backtracking regularly means nothing is taken seriously- but stopping him from going would have been remembered for ever as "cruel and unusual punishment" and led to resentment.

Having got into this situation she has done all she reasonably could and I'm glad she let him go.

I used to regularly impose sanctions and then feel mean and allow myself to be negotiated out of them-it wasn't helpful.

Maryz · 16/07/2015 18:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissMuesli · 16/07/2015 19:46

I'm glad she is letting him go OP, I hope that things get better for your friend!

Original poster
RachelRagged · 17/07/2015 07:58

Good idea Maryz , Thank You MissMuesli , she realised she over reacted but has depression so everything is in the negative right now. Her DS enjoyed Prom.

OP posts:
Maryz · 17/07/2015 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohtheholidays · 17/07/2015 17:56

Bless her,she sounds like a lovely Mum and he's a very lucky son.

I'm sorry your friend has depression,it's a hideous thing to have.I think she's doing amazingly well dealing with a stropping teenager(I have 3 at the moment)and depression at the same time,that's not an easy combination.

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