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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to ask that he wear pyjama pants?

31 replies

User543212345 · 15/07/2015 08:12

I've had an eleven year old bed wetter staying with me this week and she's wet the bed every night. Because she's quite big, and quite a wriggly sleeper, she tends to not only soak the bedmat but the rest of the mattress she's sleeping on, which then needs scrubbing and airing, and the duvet and pillow (not just the cases) which I'm tempted to burn when she's gone

I appreciate its not intentional and that it's a hormonal or a stress thing, and I know I'm being a bit unreasonable because it's not her fault but it's driving me nuts! I worry that asking her to wear effectively a nappy might be distressing for her, and there are schools of thought that say the pyjama pants don't help as they don't learn to wet less by subconsciously responding to a damp bed, but every night she's flooding the place!

WIBU to ask her mum to put her in pyjama pants when she stays?

OP posts:

Original poster

User543212345 · 15/07/2015 08:13

she in the title. Damn you morning fat fingers.

OP posts:

woowoo22 · 15/07/2015 08:15

Have you got matress protectors on? YANBU at all.

Original poster

User543212345 · 15/07/2015 08:18

I have disposable bed mats, but they don't stay in place and don't help protect the pillow/duvet which are also getting so weed on that the covers don't protect them.

OP posts:

AspieAndNT · 15/07/2015 08:22

I dont think that is unreasonable at all. Has she been referred for help?

Failing that then I think I would refuse to let her stay next time. I am all for helping others out but not when it becomes a major inconvenience/cost to me

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 15/07/2015 08:23

You can ask.
She can decline.
She may be relieved (no pun) not to wake up soaked.

What does she do at home?

Is she a friend or relative?

Chat with her, suggest some options.

Full waterproof cover
Pyjama pants
Somebody waking her in the night and taking her to the toilet

At 11, she is big enough to help with clearing up any accidents.

AlwaysDancing1234 · 15/07/2015 08:25

I understand how frustrating it must be. DS is almost 8 and has to wear pyjama pants as he has muscle weakness and can't yet always control his bladder overnight. We've used bedmats but I know what you mean about the duvet and pillow getting soaked too.
DS gets embarrassed about it but prefers to wear pyjama pants rather than wake up soaked.
Can you talk to the girl or her parents and see if she would be open to wearing the pyjama pants? The Dry-Nites ones are not too bulky

AlwaysDancing1234 · 15/07/2015 08:26

Also try masking tape to keep bedmats in place

MissWest80 · 15/07/2015 09:18

As someone with a 10 nearly 11 year old bed wetter YANBU. It's better for her to wear pj pants as she can manage her accidents without anyone knowing. Yes it is a nappy but my ds would be more embarrassed by wetting someone else's bed. It's also your house and not reasonable to be expected to clean up unnecessary wee. You have tried bed mats, they don't work so pj pants are the logical option.

Also I doubt wearing them will increas her wetting. This may be true at 4 or 5 when you need to get them to learn to wee before bed ext, but not at 11. At her age it will be a hormonal problem (like with my ds).

Ask her mother, she should agree. Even offer to buy them, you can get them in any supermarket in her size. Drynites are the best as they are not to babyish and hold as much as a nappy. This way the poor girl will get a good nights sleep.

Chunkymonkey79 · 15/07/2015 09:40

Yanbu

I don't see how wearing pj pants is more distressing or embarrassing than soaking the bed and having somebody clean up after you!

chloesmumtoo · 15/07/2015 09:56

yanbu
I remember buying pyjama pant type product when DD had a bad tummy bug and they were so tight and small. How about an incontinence pad to try, less nappy ish? Always descreet maxi night? just a thought?

Viviennemary · 15/07/2015 10:00

I don't think that's agood idea at her age. But the problem needs to be tackled if it's happening every night. I knew somebody who got an alarm for the matress. I don't think it works for everyone but it might be worth a try.

Passmethecrisps · 15/07/2015 10:05

What about a full waterproof cover for the mattress?

I think incontinence pants are a good idea as she can manage her own accidents. But what help is she getting? Alarms can be put on the mattress or worn on Jammies.

TendonQueen · 15/07/2015 10:08

What does she use when at home? Am a bit at her parents if they didn't discuss some options for dealing with this, other than scrubbing the whole bed clean every night, before her stay.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/07/2015 10:13

Yanbu.

you can't keep scrubbing the mattress Al the time. and it's equally if not more embarrassing to wet the bed than it is to wear pyjama pants. what the parent dies at home is up to them but this is your time and money (fir anything you need to replace)
and if the parents kick up a stink then just say no to staying next time.

MissWest80 · 15/07/2015 10:13

I remember buying pyjama pant type product when DD had a bad tummy bug and they were so tight and small.
How old was your DD and what size did you use? My DS fits the largest drynites perfectly.
How about an incontinence pad to try, less nappy ish?
Drynites are good at not being nappyish. They come in a nice bag and have fun designs on them. She is only 11 and will appreciate how age age appropriate they are made to look.

deepdarkwood · 15/07/2015 10:15

I have an 11 yo bed wetter too. He has gone back into pj pants recently, and it does make things easier to manage in terms of the cleaning up. At 11 I think it needs to be her choice though - but if she chooses the no pj pants route, no reason she can't be jointly responsible for sorting out wet stuff in the morning (DS does) we don't position this in any way as a punishment, just a consequence of an accident - like he should wipe up if she spills the milk!

In terms of keeping bed mats still, we do double (even triple) layered sheets - so sheet/bedmat/sheet/bedmat/sheet. Doesn't help with the duvet but avoids the mattress issue.

I'm sure her parents are aware, but at 11 if she goes to the GP there will be medication options and probably a specialist clinic where she can get help & support (although with ds, nothing made a difference!)

Jackie0 · 15/07/2015 10:16

I would insist on the PJ pants.
As another poster said it is no more humiliating than flooding a bed every night.
If her parents want to scrub a matress every day that's up to them , no one should expect you to do the same.
So she wets the bed, obviously there are reasons that I assume are being addressed that doesn't mean she gets to make the decision to give you a massive clean up operation everyday ,no way.
Yanbu

Superexcited · 15/07/2015 10:20

Disposable bed mats are a waste of time. Get a terry waterproof sheet and put that on the bed instead, it will be easy to wash and will protect the bed properly.
When she has gone home just bin the duvet at pillows and if she comes to stay again ask her mum to send a duvet and pillow.

ArcheryAnnie · 15/07/2015 10:24

I'd think that was a much less embarrassing solution for her than having a soaked bed every morning.

If the drynites are too small, look for the most absorbant Tena Lady product in the sanpro aisle at Boots.

deepdarkwood · 15/07/2015 10:33

Drynites will certainly be available in her size - but you are more likely to find th me in a larger supermarket - not everywhere stocks them.

Those ppl saying 'it's no more humiliating than wetting the bed/just tell her...' I disagree a bit, and think you need to approach this carefully (I'm sure you would OP!) Unless she is very unusual she will be aware that her bed wetting is no longer normal behaviour, and embarrassing. She will also presumably have a system that works for her and her parents at home. She has probably had advice from HCPs. I wouldn't mKe any changes without discussing it with her parents, and then her. We've had times when ds has been out of drynites on medical advice, or because he decided he didn't want to be in 'nappies', and I'd be unimpressed with someone interfering without checking with me. That said, I'd never send ds off without spare duvet/sleeping bag/bed mats/sheets etc so I am surprised you weren't better 'briefed'.....

hibbledibble · 15/07/2015 10:39

Full waterproof cover for the mattress, and pyjama pants.

From my extensive experience of bed wetting, you cannot get rid of the odour from the mattress by scrubbing. We have had to bin several mattresses because of this.

I now put 2 full waterproof sheets on the bed, in case one slips.

chloesmumtoo · 15/07/2015 11:17

MissWest80 my DD was mid primary I guess but I do know the pyjama pants were above her age at the time.
Op mentioned in her thread 'she worried that wearing effectively a nappy may be distressing for her'. That's why I stated the incontinence pad being less nappy ish due to her concerns, just an idea.
I think pyjama pants are fab if they get on with them for situations like this- temporarily. My DD did not like them but that was just her, they may be a lot different now too from when we tried them?

sleepyhead · 15/07/2015 11:28

Ds1 is 8 and I consider it my responsibility to protect the bedding of our host if we're away from home.

I usually supply Ã full size mattress protector and waterproof duvet cover, but at the holiday cottage we're staying in next week ds1 will be wearing pyjama pants as I've explained to him that we need to keep the bed dry (no tumbler for a start).

I'm not sure about you approaching the 11yr old about pullups directly (ds1 would be utterly mortified), but yanbu to approach her parents.

sleepyhead · 15/07/2015 11:31

The biggest size of Dri-nights is age 8-14.

MissWest80 · 15/07/2015 14:11

She might be relived to see that they go up to such a high age. That was how I got my ds to wear them, I used the 'they wouldn't stock them if no one wore them' line and he was fine with it.
As others have said you may want to place a bed wetting mat down as well as they occasionally leak with ds, but I'm sure that varies with each child.

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