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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask MIL not to by 12yr old Elle Magazine?

90 replies

chocoLit · 14/07/2015 23:44

Seriously? Am I? Not sure if I'm just being over tired & previous but DD literally just turned 12. MIL doesn't see them for months at a time so very little understanding of our parenting choices/style. Has bought her Elle Magazine whilst out today and it's not something I would normally let her read. I need a more rational opinion than mine as It has been a loooooong few weeks.

OP posts:
MalmseyWhine · 15/07/2015 14:06

Donny Osmond's favourite colour was purple Blush.

MalmseyWhine · 15/07/2015 14:09

Or so they told us Sad.

Toooldtobearsed · 15/07/2015 14:16

I just cut and pasted it from your last post Grin

But, I will be using it daily from now on. It rolls off the tongue.

limitedperiodonly · 15/07/2015 14:20

It was almost certainly not MalmseyWhine.

At school I had to plump for my favourite Bay City Roller. It was a a really quick poll decided by the cool girls and I was panicked into Eric. As soon as I said it I realised I should have gone for Les.

At least I didn't go for Alan who I think was the much older brother who had the van.

To ask MIL not to by 12yr old Elle Magazine?
LaRiojaAlta · 15/07/2015 14:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

limitedperiodonly · 15/07/2015 15:01

Look at Woody in that picture.What is he doing with his flies?

Actually, what are they all doing with their flies?

Original poster
chocoLit · 15/07/2015 16:30

Metacentric at NO point have I claimed to be a better parent ffs. I have three girls, we lead the way with DD1. DD2 has lived as a boy (by her own choice since she was 2) and DD3 is a complete princess. We accept there are some things we are powerless in influencing.

I am however VERY aware that none of our DDs are going to be petite or stick thin and would prefer not to have them pouring over magazines that promote that as a desirable state over and above health/fitness.

I haven't read the thing, I don't read glossies nor have the time to be remotely interested in their content. I'll admit I was being lazy as was tired and just wanted an opinion so hopped on here.

Some people on here have given brilliant advice and appreciate that I haven't over reacted or gone mental. Others just seem to be cruising for a bashing which is very much a reminder of why I can't be arsed with MN these days. Esp AIBU.

MIL was in bed. DD1 was in bed. I couldn't ask who chose/why she chose and I only knew she had it by the 'free gifts' sitting in the living room. So when I went up to see which magazine she had, having worked out this is where they came from due to an age appropriate magazine for both DD2 & DD3, I found Elle stuck down the side of DD1's bed. I have no doubt she is completely aware that I wouldn't have let her choose that. For the same amount of money she could have bought a book, which she has her nose in constantly.

They were still asleep when I left for work this morning. Will have a chat with DD1 AGAIN tonight when I go home re the content but I have NO doubt that MIL will have not checked content or language or articles before she bought it. I don't know if it was her choice or DD1's either.

It's hardly the crime of the century to ask people on here if it's too old and if I AM BU by not really wanting her to have it.

OP posts:
Original poster
chocoLit · 15/07/2015 16:39

And had I come back on to find you'd ALL gone 'yes, you're being a twat, stop being so bloody precious' I'd have said, fair enough and let it go.

There seems to be a slight division in opinion and I'll admit I'm erring on the side of wanting to keep her from that for just a little while longer. As soon as she's at high school I've no chance but maybe just a wee while more?

She's already wearing size 7 shoes and adult size clothes so we have to deal with age appropriate clothing issues as it is thanks to New Look and Primark's clothing lines LOL

OP posts:
Ruledbycatsandkids6 · 15/07/2015 16:41

imperial how very dare you! Donny is minds favourite colour was purple wasn't it? Lol

They had 2 older deaf brothers tommy and verl.

Me and my sister learned sign language, from the Osmond annual, incase we should meet and marry them!
Grin

Ruledbycatsandkids6 · 15/07/2015 16:49

I liked David Essex myself. And Alvin stardust! Think he's dead now?

Ruledbycatsandkids6 · 15/07/2015 16:52

choco honestly asking a question and not having a go but how does a 2 year old live like a boy by choice? Do you mean she's a Tom
Boy so prefers trousers etc or actually wants to be a boy.

If the latter do you mind me asking you how you cope with that?

Original poster
chocoLit · 15/07/2015 16:54

No Ruled, she has chosen to be a boy since she was in playgroup. She has short hair, wears only boys clothes and generally lives as a boy. She is completely immersed in it far beyond being a 'tomboy' fortunately she has a name that lends itself to either gender :)

OP posts:
Original poster
chocoLit · 15/07/2015 16:55

If you met her you would think she IS a boy and we have no issue with it. She has as much chance of growing up to be a boy as an astronaut etc Actually more if we saved for surgery LOL

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 15/07/2015 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
chocoLit · 15/07/2015 17:10

Thanks MrsDeV!

It's not teen Elle - it's very def the adult version. I didn't even realise Teen Elle existed till today! I've no issue taking her into the shops to choose one as I'd rather know what she's reading and what she's interested in to help with any questions. I just don't think adult glossies are the way forward

OP posts:
scarlets · 15/07/2015 17:10

I think that it's pretty harmless, OP, as long as she realises that the fashion is very expensive and she won't be getting any of it for Christmas! Lol.

I remember my first grown up mag - Marie Claire! There was an interview with Ines de la Fressange in it.

In my day, models weren't extremely thin, they looked slim, healthy and vibrant.. Cindy Crawford, Karen Mulder, Linda Evangelista etc. We girls wanted to be a size 8-10 not a 4-6. I must admit, if I had daughters these days, I would be a bit concerned about that aspect.

howabout · 15/07/2015 17:14

See Ruled I had forgotten Alvin Stardust had died. Mourning all over again now. Still cannot watch Patrick Swayze movies without getting upset Sad

Choco I have just gone through the stage of not being able to buy anything for pre-teen DD who were over 5 feet and not stick thin. You have every sympathy with that one. Mine live in sportswear most of the time. Finding anything that fitted for their end of primary school dances was a complete nightmare. Choices were looking like Alice in Wonderland after she grew a bit more than her clothes or an underage streetwalker. This was actually one of the reasons I tried to give them a bit of an awareness of fashion so we could start thinking a bit more creatively about clothes shopping as they were never going to look right in the accepted pre-teen look.

Happy36 · 15/07/2015 17:18

I HATE those magazines. Bodyshaming, airbrushing, etc.

However, when I was a teen I loved them and would have read friends' copies or the ones at the library and hair salon if I couldn't buy them myself.

So I would say let your daughter have them, but chat to her about what is in them and make sure she takes a critical, independent attitude to things like dieting, the pay gap, gender roles, and so on.

Original poster
chocoLit · 15/07/2015 17:19

howabout I have just lived through the end of primary school dance hell myself. I am desperately trying to install a sense of 'self' in her as her two immediate best friends are wee teeny tiny petit things where as she looks fantastic in stuff that would look silly on them.

the dark black eyeliner constant panda eyes she's rocking is another challenge ESP when she has such dark eyelashes she could get away with clear mascara.

scarlets you and I obv grew up at the same time, in the era of the 'supermodel' and I STILL didn't look like one of them LOL

OP posts:
Original poster
chocoLit · 15/07/2015 17:22

Happy36 I think that's the route am going to have to take. It wasn't that I'm NEVER going to let her see these mags. I don't have them around the house or in work so never really see content. My best mate pours over them as she is in fashion and gives them to me when she's finished. I have to admit they go straight in the recycling Blush I have a subscription to Living Etc and 'Vintage Life' for the work but don't even read those.

I just didn't have the time or the energy to look over it further than the front cover last night and thought hopping on here rather than asking DH would be the better choice Grin

OP posts:
ouryve · 15/07/2015 17:23

Last time I read Elle, it had a slightly middle aged vibe to it. Or am I mixing it up with something else?

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 15/07/2015 17:24

When I was 14 my friend's mum gave me a copy of Jackie Collin's book about Gino Santangelo. Now that was a real eye opener

Oh my god, I read that one! It was an absolutely shocker. Smile

howabout · 15/07/2015 17:26

My DD with the brown skin, hair and eyes is currently rocking blue mascara but she is not allowed to wear it to school and I threatened her with how it would look if it ran everywhere after gym. Still not got the blue hair chalk out of the school anorak either.

enderwoman · 15/07/2015 17:28

I haven't rtft but just suggest a different magazine. My 12 year old is very interested in fashion but she'd be bored by Elle. She wants to see Zoella wearing Primark rather than a supermodel in Armani.

Just thought of something did the mag come with a free gift? I've noticed a lot of magazines giving away nail polishes etc

Gruach · 15/07/2015 17:29

Her only understanding of our eldest DD is her other similar in age grandaughter.

Well ... she does also have the experience of having been that age herself. (And of having, presumably, successfully enough brought up a child that you chose them as a partner.)

FWIW I'm fairly certain that no good ever comes of banning reading matter.