To think downsizing would set us free?

[AuntieMeemz]

We have a lovely, big house in a lovely area, now subsidised (due to husbands illness and low paid job) by his parents. MIL is clinically (probably)insane and the worst bully I have ever met in my life, and getting worse. It's almost driven me to a breakdown.

If we sell our house, move to a smaller one, and live mortgage free, would it get them out of our lives? We'd still have to see them. If we moved without telling them, you would hear the screaming abuse at the other end of the country. They have a point, the house is an investment but I can't go on anymore.

I agree with horsey. You are at the mercy of a "difficult" mother in law. I'd deal with that first, as moving away won't necessarily solve the problem. And, if she's subsidising the house now, won't she still be subsidising the house if you rent it out? Sorry if that sounds a bit thick (brain not working yet..).

What I mean is: even if your financial problems are less and you are less dependent on her directly, she will still have a stake (I'm assuming here that she has a financial stake in the property..).

Still sounds a bit thick..

So if PIL's stop subsidising the big house. Where are you going to be left re:money you invested in your current house?
Can you afford to rent and keep the other house on the market before it sells?

Do not rent out your 'lovely big house'. We do it because we live abroad and don't want it empty and it is a NIGHTMARE. Unless the property is completely perfect and in great condition it is a headache and will cost you an awful lot of money. I think the other people on this thread are right, you need to be brave and talk to your MIL about how you feel. My MIL has used giving money to my DH as a stick to beat him with for years so I know how difficult these situations are.

Don't let the bricks and mortar control your life. Downsize and get a house you can live in without being beholden to your MIL. Then you can deal with her and her attitudes as a separate issue, without her being able to hold the subsidised house over your heads..

When you sell will you be paying off the mortgage plus the subsidy your parents in law have pit in to your home?

.....in which case you'll have to pay the subsidy back?

Don't rent - you will still be in the same position in that they 'own' part of your home. You need to grow up a bit OP and I mean that in the nicest way possible. If you can't afford your current home then you need to take action to change that. It doesn't matter that your children were born there - what matters is your own peace of mind. Sell your house, become financially independent - it's a no brainer. It's also called cutting your cloth.

We lived in a lovely house in a lovely area, but a few years after the divorce I could no longer pay the mortgage so I sold it.

The DCs had grown up in that house and had happy memories of being there, but selling the family home did not upset them in any way.

Get rid of it.

Having had a visit from a letting agent, and I don't think we will pursue that route, it doesn't look like it would solve anything.

DH and I have come up with a plan to address the behaviour and sell the house. Wish me luck!

Good luck!

purple and horsey joining you. Not sure accepting the cash and wishing them dead is on. It's either or.

Good luck. Make sure you are a long time passing on that new phone number.