To rant about attention hogging 5 year olds at school drop off?!

[Imsooverschool]

Yes, I'm genuinely annoyed by a five year and need to get over it!

Crap morning for DS1, tired and upset over everything after a bad nights sleep. At the school door there was the usual group of mums having nonessential conversation with the teacher. And a little boy crying who often does -with both teachers fussing over him. He often does this and then gets to sit with the teacher for register. I know I should have compassion but I know this child well. He loves attention and being fussed over. Its part of his morning routine. He's horribly precocious and knows exactly how to get attention.

My tired little son squeezed past everyone, no one said so much as a good morning. He never fusses no matter how bad he's feeling but he looked so glum. I want to go to school and give him a hug.

DS loves affection but can't engage the teachers as easily as other kids.

YAB a bit U. If your son is tired and needs some particular assistance, then assert yourself to ask for it. Or maybe encourage your DS to ask for help or a cuddle if he needs it. It's a good skill to ask for your needs to be met, rather than quietly fuming that others are getting the attention.
It's up to teachers to decide how to manage both parents who overuse their time and overly clingy children. It's not the crying child's fault. In year 1, I expect no parents will be allowed in the classroom.

Yanbu about the parents -very very inconsiderate and adds to the distress of kids in the morning.

Yabu about the 5yo. I had one who cried every day going into school. It was due to unrecognised dyslexia so he was stressed. Every. SingLe. Morning.
It wasn't attention seeking, he just hated school. He is now fine and very independent 6yrs later. I imagine the fuss round the door is making that particular child feel worse too.

Sorry OP I understand your child is your first concern - rightly so. But speaking as a parent of an "attention seeking" crying child - she spent most drop offs through 2 years in pre-school, Foundation year and most of year 1... crying/ clinging to me - I do think YABU.

It is not unusual for a 3/4/5/6 yo to seek attention - some struggle with separating from their parents, or going into school or are in a habit they are struggling to break. Inconvenient though it may be for all around them. They are small children and that is how they roll. The way my daughter (my youngest) acted was a shock to me as my two older children (one ASD the other on the spectrum) had generally trotted in to school easily - never clingy or crying.

I understand feeling resentful of children getting more attention than you feel is fair but unless you are in school all day with your child - how do you know he gets no attention? I feel anxious on behalf of my dd1 (ASD diagnosis) as she is not as charming and 'cute' as dd2 (for want of better words) so I can imagine she will get less favorable attention as the 'awkward/ unusual' children, often get singled out by their actions. But that does not mean dd2 is manipulative or calculating in a grown up sense. A teacher should be well aware of how their attention needs to be fairly divided between the class members and that may not always mean evenly but they are/ should be able to manage attention seeking children in a way that does not exclude the other children.

Grown ups hogging the teacher is very annoying but I find sending an email is a good way of communicating with a teacher - unless it is something urgent in which case you have to sharpen your elbows and get into the scrum sometimes to get your point across. It is annoying but people do not always do what they should so you do what you have to! Good luck - hope your son has a decent nights sleep and a better start to tomorrow.

Do some schools actually allow parents in to the classroom in the mornings? Wow, I think I would hate that if it was the done thing at my children's school.

At our school parents have to leave the children at the school gate (where the head teacher meets and greets them). We are not even allowed in to the playground. I like it like this; less hassle for the teachers.

Sorry I am of no help OP but I do sympathise with your DS having to push past adults to get in to his class. That is not right.

My daughter is 'that child', my son probably will be as well. They struggle with change, are shy, and youngest in the class. 4/5 is very small! The issue here isn't the child's, it is the parents blocking the way and yours, you need to get attention for your child if you feel they need it, or get there earlier!

We have to go in in reception, not sure about further up the school though.

The issue really is the parents, I do know what you mean its always the same parents every morning. And a small handful of children get relentlessly fussed over , that are always NT!!!.....I have a SEN child and it does annoy me.

Why wouldnt you resent parents who chat to the teacher at drop off when they are obstructing classrooms, preventing teachers from maybe even being able to see the children properly, holding up the staff etc.

is it ok to make school so daunting for the other kids till they become so tearful they need to sit with the teacher too?

move out the frickin way.

YAB a bit U. What are you actually judging this boy by? School drop offs?

with DD school parents say goodbye ok the playground and they go down a few steps in to the building. You do get the odd parent that always seem to be in the way though I'm with you on that.

Fgs the op is not vile! Precocious means advanced for their age. I am not sure how the child the op is referring to fits this category as they seem to need a lot of teacher support and attention. I think it has become a shorthand for being a PITA attention seeker. But teachers are well used to dealing with those" and those children will gradually learn better social skills

Really the teacher needs to manage the situation better, Mrs x please can I ask you just to step away from the doorway so the children can come in, thank you'

'And a small handful of children get relentlessly fussed over , that are always NT!!!.....I have a SEN child and it does annoy me.'

Mmmm...well as a parent to one child with diagnosed SEN (special school) and two children who are supposedly NT, I can tell you that looks can be deceiving.

DD2, who I am convinced has ASD, will appear happy. In fact the more distressed she is in school, the happier she appears. It's a defence mechanism and coping strategy. When she's really stressed, she actually bounces on her toes and tips her head back with the widest, glowing smile I've ever seen. Sadly, it means it takes a long time for teachers to listen to me. Not out of malice, but because she appears happy. We're on school number 3 because she fell apart at schools 1&2.

DD3 is the crier. She just does. She hates it and punishes herself for it, but still she cried. It took encouragement and praise to get her to go into school without tears.

DD1, with 'actual' SEN has been fine since day 1, despite going to school on a minibus from the age of 4.

Our school hasn't rules about going in in the morning. A few parents go in. I like to go in occasionally. I wish there was a termly "open morning" when you could go in and look at your child's work on the wall etc.

I do think some parents baby their kids.

I understand your frustration but you are focusing on the wrong thing here.

The other boy is not your concern (in the sense of grumbling about).

Your own son IS your concern.

What you need to do is take your focus off any other children and put it firmly onto your own child. Either wait to speak to the teacher in the morning, or make an appointment for after school. Explain that your own son is in need of some extra reassurance at the moment and you wondered if they might pay him some extra attention, make sure he is welcomed by name etc, as that would help. Tell them that different children deal with things differently and your child isn't one to make get visibly upset but he hasn't been as happy recently and can they help him with that.

Bring it to their attention. Then check back on them after a day or two if nothing seems to be happening.

Forgot to add: no point being cross with another child, you can't change it, or them. What you need to do is advocate for your child. Shoulder your way in if you feel it's required. Speak up for him. What you are really looking for here is attention for your child from the teachers. Carve it out for him.

I don't know if YABU about this little boy but my DD used to do this at gymnastics classes and it is was purely to gain the attention of the teacher who also taught gym at her nursery so knew DD well. DD would be standing quite happily until she saw the teacher then instantly crumple and wrap herself around my leg. Teacher would then come over, take her hand and let her stand beside her at the top of the queue. Cue smug DD. Did my head in.

Seems like your anger is being directed at the wrong target.

Surely it's the teacher-hogging parents you should be annoyed with, and not a distressed little boy?

Mind you, it's the teacher's job to manage parents who want to flood round her/him at going in time.

My DD used to be really clingy and terrible to get away from when the bell rang in the class to signal the end of the settling in time each day (5-10 mins to read with and settle the reception year kids). It became a habit.

Then, one day I had to use the breakfast club and as soon as we were through the door, she was asked if she wanted toast - she gave me a kiss and off she went, no parents hanging around, no fuss. I now use breakfast club every day!

I think allowing parents in to settle the children all through the reception year is an awful idea and really wish they stopped it after the first month!

Well I needed to hear I was unreasonable and I have!

Sorry but I've started a conversation I can't engage in about the other child's behaviour. I'm close to him and despite finding aspects of his behaviour annoying I feel wrong discussing a child I care about.

Of course i shouldn't be mean about a five year old child. And I know that playing the cutesy baby role is not something to hold him responsible for. He has learnt that adults like it. And actually I should never have posted about him.

I didn't say anything to the teachers mainly because half the class are probably a bit tired at the moment and the teacher will be aware.

DS has special needs and one of the things he does best is tackle school with determination, no matter how badly its going. His resilience is one of his great personal qualities but maybe I should have spoken up for him today.

" the same 3 mothers run to accost her & have a long conversation so the kids are standing outside in a line when all of the other classes have gone inside & us other parents have to stand around like lemons until they have gone in."

Then the school need to deal with this. The Management Team need to police it, and individual teachers politely disengage and refuse to get embroiled in such conversations.

Although I'm not sure I understand why you "other parents have to stand around like lemons until they have gone in." For goodness sake, wave goodbye leave!