AIBU to think DS should not be forced to have piano lessons

[BrainSurgeon]

Sorry I know it's a ridiculous problem to have... But if you could hear me out and let me know what you think it would be appreciated.
So. DS aged 7 is interested in recorder and drums - and recently trombone....
DH insists that DS must have piano lessons, mainly because he (DH) had them around this age and "children have to be guided and tolwhat to try".
AIBU to be cross that I will have to force DS to sit through piano lessons and deal with the "but mummy why, I don't even like piano " tears from DS??
Because apparently getting DS a teacher to help him with the instruments he likes is no good.

Complete waste of time and will destroy any interest he might have in music. If your DH is keen on lessons then your DH could go and have more himself!

If your DH can play and you have a keyboard why doesn't he teach your DS at least as a first introduction?

This is what I am doing with my 2 dcs. We have little mini-lessons as and when, they get a teeny bit of music theory, a teeny bit of hands on instruction, and then some time for "free play" with the only rule being no just "banging" on the keys. We're progressing slowly, but they're at least learning.

I've told them when they are older, they may choose another instrument to try out.

Piano/organ skills are definitely useful - I played organ in a massive Catholic church when my dd was a preschooler. 5 masses every Sunday (while her grandparents babysat her) earning £25 per mass. Financially it kept me going for a few years doing that.

Thanks so much everyone, I think the majority is clear.

Although I hear those who say perseverance might well pay off, I will take the music teachers' advice and try to persuade DH to wait a bit more.

I will also tell him to try and give DS a few introductory lessons himself - see how that goes.

I think if any child shows an aptitude for a particular instrument then appropriate encouragement, lessons is a no - brainer. Practically forcing them towards a different instrument simply because 'I had to do it' is nowt short of bonkers and rather cruel as well.

When I was at primary school I played the recorder, rather badly as I recall. Yet I was still picked as a candidate to learn something else. The head of music asked me what I would like to play. Without hesitation I said clarinet, to be told immediately that wasn't possible because the orchestra already had enough tooters and squeakers. I would have to learn the violin instead, which I now suspect was the plan all along. I hated it, especially when a new entrant to the orchestra was offered clarinet . I couldn't play properly, never practised, couldn't read music. I put my foot down aged 11 and stopped playing. Still have my violin though, gathering dust under the bed.

I now have a piano. I can hardly play that either but I don't resent it because I like piano music .

Your husband sounds like a dick.

And people commenting about how piano will help with other instrument lessons, the converse is also true. My eldest does brass, and is picking up piano as she already knows how to read music.

Buy the lad a pbone. They're about £120. Worth every sodding penny. Easy Winners for brass, basic book which has a pretty huge selection of starter to grade 3 pieces in it.

If you push an instrument he doesn't want on him it will kill his passion and joy for music.

I started playing the trombone when I was 9 as it was a free initiative at our school and seemed to take to it like a duck to water - then we got a choice.. play an instrument or take swimming lessons. As I had bigger boobs than my mother at the age of 9 and was being bullied, I chose to do music lessons for 2 years, rather than wear a swimming costume in front of the other children and this continued until I went to secondary school.

At secondary school, they wanted brass players and my Mother told me I had to continue playing the trombone and she paid a lot of money per term for me to do it.

1. I hated it.
2. I never practised between lessons.
3. It created a really nasty environment in the house, the day before my lessons as I didn't want to do it.
4. When we had concerts, I was counting down the minutes until I could leave and do something useful.

And I guess the big one is - Since I left school, I've not picked up the trombone, I've never wanted to play it and it's not helped me at all.

I think it probably cost my Mother over £3,000 easily in total for 7 years of something I didn't enjoy.....

Piano will be helpful if he wants to learn another instrument in the future but it's not essential. From a parent point of view it's also more pleasant to listen to than recorder (and if you get a keyboard, he can practise with headphones on). Also if your husband plays the piano then they can duet.

Trombone would start around 10, 11 years old; he could start on the trumpet before that, though, but not yet. Recorder would be a good instrument to start now, either alongside or instead of piano: recorder is nice because he can play in ensembles.

Dh started playing the piano because he wanted to play the trumpet and then it wasn't recommended until you were secondary school age.
He asked how he could get ready to play and was told playing the piano would set him up best.

He found in the end that he preferred the piano anyway.

Maybe you could sell him the piano like that.

I know this isn't quite the same, but I used to help DH teaching a martial arts class. It was soul destroying working with the 6/7/8 year olds who clearly didn't want to be there. They never put any effort in, couldn't care less and the parents always wanted to know why they failed their gradings as though it were the instructors fault. I'm glad you've decided not to push DS into something he doesn't want to do

I had a music obsessed grandparent. Everything was music, nothing else was worthwhile. I had to bring the instrument every time we visited and spend eons honking up and down scales. I was expected to abandon all other hobbies and interests for it.

It wasn't that I had no talent. I could play the bloody thing, but my god did I resent it. Left to my own devices I would probably still be playing. Harassed and cajoled and forced into playing means the bloody clarinet is in the attic, and has been for 20 years. I have gone from Rhapsody in Blue to Tune a Day book 1 skills wise.

Let your child find the music OP, don't let the music be forced down his throat by your, otherwise well meaning, DH. If there is no joy in it he will always be waiting for the chance to drop it and leave it where it falls.

Oh, please let him learn what he fancies. If you let him do something he likes, there is loads of time for him to see the point of doing piano later. Although he is, as others have said, still a bit small for trombone. I think, though brass players may correct me, that you are supposed to wait until your adult front teeth are properly through before starting a brass instrument. I think my brother started trumpet at 8 or 9. He was very good at it. He started violin at 7 (my top choice of instrument and I started at the same age and had lessons until I was 18) and was frankly awful at it. He just wasn't interested. He wanted to play something shiny.

"I think, though brass players may correct me, that you are supposed to wait until your adult front teeth are properly through before starting a brass instrument."

Wind, not brass player here, but you're right - you can't really get the proper embouchure until you have a more adult jaw shape. And trombones are also pretty large.

see if your local music centre have a try out day, Berkshire do it, and you can get a feel for different instruments, and if it turns out he needs to be older / bigger before taking up the trombone,then you may be able to persuade him to give piano a go to start with, but I would choose your teacher carefully, as some teachers won't take on any one who is very reluctant to start, and also you will need to find one who won't frighten him off. Some children do need to try several instruments before they find what they really like, but it seems a shame to potentially put him off before he even starts. I teach music myself, and I know the benefit of having keyboard skills, but I think it is more important at this stage to keep him interested, if it all feels too traumatic for him at just choosing the instrument stage he may well lose all interest and that would be a real shame.

Northamptonshire have Saturday music schools as well. My DDs went for a number of years. It allowed them to try out different instruments without us having to shell out for one instrument then another. It also helped them gain confidence through performing in a group at a very low key level.

Re age and brass / woodwind. I have a trumpet playing DD. She started age 10. She wanted a trombone but her mouth was never going to be big enough. She is a natural at the Big Bond theme now though.

I also have an oboe playing DD. They don't start till 10 or 11 not just because of mouth shape but because you can end up with ENT problems if you cannot control your breathing properly. So far avoided all contact with the recorder.

I am a strings player and they still saw away a bit to keep me happy, but their love lies elsewhere in the tooting and blowing department. Invest in earplugs if you are similarly afflicted.

Yes let your ds choose. Totally ridiculous to make a child learn an instrument they don't want to. Dh is a trumpeter, but teaches brass. He used to say wait for adult teeth, but research has shown you don't need to - there was an article in AB magazine a few years ago. The instrument rests on the gums rather than the teeth and will be fine unless you're going to play for 6 hours a day. We've experimented with our own dd2! She has just turned 9 and just taken grade 3 trumpet - she still has one of her baby front teeth. It has not affected/hindered her at all.

Pbone is great, just don't get the ptrumpet as it's crap.

My dh would say no. He was made to learn to play, hated it and found it physically painful, he says.

My friend who is a music teacher thinks we should treat music exactly the same as a core subject and not an optional hobby. That if we wouldn't let dc pick and choose whether to do maths, we shouldn't with music either.

If I had started on the piano I'd have given up and my musical talent would have been undiscovered. I wanted to learn the violin and started on that and picked up some basic piano later. The violin is definitely my instrument. I would try your DS out on a few and see what he likes the most and take it from there. The piano is of course very good for overall musicianship but it is perfectly possible to succeed without playing the piano.

I started out playing the cornet which i loved with a passion. I also did horse riding. A music teacher told my mother that I was 'musically gifted' (I'm really not) and should do piano and violin. So that's what i had to do.

I hated the piano. And as an adult still rest the hours upon hours i was forced to practice. And the fact that I got a bastard piano for a birthday present!!

So, i wouldn't force him!