AIBU to think DS should not be forced to have piano lessons

[BrainSurgeon]

Sorry I know it's a ridiculous problem to have... But if you could hear me out and let me know what you think it would be appreciated.
So. DS aged 7 is interested in recorder and drums - and recently trombone....
DH insists that DS must have piano lessons, mainly because he (DH) had them around this age and "children have to be guided and tolwhat to try".
AIBU to be cross that I will have to force DS to sit through piano lessons and deal with the "but mummy why, I don't even like piano " tears from DS??
Because apparently getting DS a teacher to help him with the instruments he likes is no good.

I forgot to say in my first post, that I was desperate to learn the violin. If my parents had said I had to learn the piano, on the basis my brother was doing incredibly well at it and that we had a piano in the house, I'd have been heartbroken. I'd set my heart on the violin and was so happy that my parents said I could learn it. My brother taught me a bit of piano but I was just not bothered. My db says when pupils aren't bothered and are being made to carry on, it's like flogging a dead horse. They don't progress well usually and are miserable. Which is why I'd say it might well be counter-productive to impose piano lessons on your ds. Music should be enjoyable, not something you are made to do imo.

Get your OH to book the lessons for weekend (if OH is home), take him and supervise the practice. Absolve yourself of anything to do with it.

I imagine DS can learn recorder at school. Make that your responsibility!

My DS1 is almost exactly the same age as yours and he has been learning piano since Xmas. His recorder teacher recommended it because he was showing a gift for music and he's now prepping his Grade 1 for both instruments (we already had a piano). He seems to have finally found his "thing" with music and is flourishing but he really does have to put the time in. Forcing him to do it would be misery. And lessons are expensive!!

I would encourage your DS in what he does want to do and just keep offering piano as an option to try. DH should be told that if he wants to force a crying child into lessons then he is welcome to it but I'd be surprised if any teacher would take him and I'd have no part in it.

Piano is great but I don't believe a child will ever benefit if they start out against it.

At (nearly) 7 the logical arguments will not really be relevant to him, and his reasons for not wanting to play piano won't be logical or thought out.

Negotiate a truce with your DH... if it starts out as a point of tension between the 2 of you then be sure your DS will pick up on it.

If he wants DS to play then DH needs to inspire him. Does DS see his DF playing the keyboard and really enjoying it? Does he get to bash on the keyboard and experiment with tunes? Could your DH teach him a simple tune from the cartoons/TV that DS likes and could show off to friends and family Could DH taks DS to see pop/rock bands, jazz and classical performances over the summer?

I will point out that he's too young to learn the trombone, you can't take up a brass instrument properly until you've got your adult teeth/jaw shape. Recorder is a good starter wind instrument though (and can be lovely in its own right).

I do think the piano is a fantastic beginner instrument in terms of learning to read music, etc., is it worth getting a couple of lessons just to try and then if he absolutely hates it he can drop it? FWIW, I did recorder and piano, then added in clarinet when I was about 11. Still playing at 42....

Foolonthehill I think you speak a lot of sense

why thankyou

Honestly, why insist he learns an instrument he has no interest in?

He is interested in recorder, drums and trombone. None remotely akin to the piano.

You would very likely make a rod for your own backs, and cause a whole lot of strife.

Let him learn one of the instruments he wants to learn. As he matures he may begin to realise that keyboard skills (piano etc.) would be useful to furthering his musical learning. This is the time to go for the piano.

You can absolutely learn scales and music reading without ever touching a keyboard. I learned it on the recorder first of all. My DD3 has never learned it, but loves her guitar lessons now.

Presumably DH shows a life long love of the piano by playing regularly?

Trial lessons with various different instruments seems a sensible way forward.

I wouldn't make him and I haven't with my DS 8. If your DH insists tell him to sort it. We have had a full size keyboard in the house but he shows little interest and I have asked him if he wants to learn but he doesn't. If your DS wants to learn recorder could he do this at school?

Worried mother to Sir Thomas Beecham: Sir Thomas, my son wants to take up the violin, and I just can't face the noise it makes while they are learning.

Sir Thomas: Let him learn the bagpipes, it will sound just as ghastly when he has mastered it!

You might find that as he gets older he doesn't want to learn any instruments and just hang out with his friends. Sometimes when they are young like your DS it is the best time to learn. Piano will stand him in good stead for other instruments as well as learning to read music.
Others have said, make it your DH's responsibility. I agree, but not in a tit for tat way. One of you needs to be invested in the process. A Saturday lesson might suit you all. And you can then facilitate a couple of practice sessions per instrument a week. (mornings are best btw, before school)
My DH is a talented pianist and teaches DSS11 himself. He's just passed his grade 2 with distinction. We also pay for guitar lessons which he loves. It's hard to find a balance but, honestly, if we'd left it up to DSS he would do absolutely nothing.

Perhaps he'd be interested in the piano if you point out that it's a good stepping stone to an instrument of his choice? Maybe you could offer one year piano lessons, then continue piano for one year while adding one year of another instrument. Then at the end of 2 yrs, give him the option of what he wants to do at that point. He'll have a solid base of music theory and be able to play passably enough on piano for enjoyment even if he doesn't continue with lessons.

I'm going to be very unpopular on this thread, but here goes...

With full support from DH, I made/forced/encouraged/supported/cajoled and paid for both our kids to study the piano.
I made sure they had positive and encouraging teachers at every level, changing if they were not satisfactory or no longer suitable for the child's ability.
I sat silently in on their lessons or stayed in the corridor, taking notes and helicoptering DCs' practice sessions. I was completely on board and committed to them learning the piano. Hence my MN username.

At the age of 10 DS was told "You have reached the level I hoped for when I dreamed of having a child who could play the piano. Any more is icing on the cake." I stopped helicoptering him because he had gone beyond my ability to judge, and left him in the care of his wonderful piano tutor. In September he has his entrance exam to a Conservatory whose average age of entrants is 22. He's 17. If he gets a place he will be doing Conservatory and the last two years of high school together. Good results are predicted in both.

DD started a year later than DS (at 7) and it has been more of a struggle for her. I would define it as blood sweat and tears but she has made good progress and music is now a part of who she is. If I'd given up on her, she would be the poorer for it. When she goes to Secondary School I will offer her the choice of adding or changing to guitar, violin or clarinet but music is a MUST.

I have a pair of well-rounded, sociable and responsible kids. Piano has taught them the value of perseverance and hard work (other instruments do, too). Without my pushing and DH's support they would not have got as far, but it is something that brings me joy and satisfaction.

To answer the OP, I think you should find an instrument you both agree on and embrace it fully. Your lives and that of your DS will be better for it.

Hi, I'm a music teacher and while I understand your husbands desire to introduce piano, please remember that music should be a passion. Your DS should love to play his instrument, and if there are tears then that's a red flag.
I would let him choose something he loves, but also point out (often, because this is true and very important) that most good musicians have some ability on the piano. Hopefully his desire to be a good musician will ignite an interest in the piano.
I absolutely wouldn't force him and no teacher wants to teach a crying child!

Don't let your OH to force your DS to do anything he really doesn't want to, it won't work.

I wanted to learn trumpet, I was made to learn piano and recorder instead. I tried and tried with piano but basically I am the odd one out in a family of musicians, the teacher was horrible too and told me I was no good.

My passion is horses, my parents tried and tried to steer me away from them. My aunt tried to force my cousin to ride when he didn't want to and he doesn't like horses as a result.

Even if he goes with the piano and becomes brilliant he may well resent it further on and why ruin a love for music?

Is there any way your DS can try one if the instruments he likes cheaply to see if he would get on with it?

I think I live in a parallel universe. I encourage my DS to do well at school..He learns guitar because he wants to. He is told if he doesn't practice I will stop paying for lessons.

I believe children learn best in what they are interested in.

What does your county music service offer? Ours offers Saturday music schools for fairly modest price which allow children from early years up to try different instruments, learn music theory and also participate in performances to parents at end of term concerts.

Your son should choose the instrument he wants to play otherwise he won't get any enjoyment out of it. I knew a piano teacher and her son played the drums. He wasn't at all interested in the piano so she didn't force him. He's become a brilliant drummer. He probably would have played the piano well but there would have been no passion or flair. Conversely, although we didn't have a piano and I can't play the piano, that is what my son asked to learn. For years there has been a guitar next to his piano and he has never once given it even one strum.

Starlight

I think I'm in the same universe.

I have a dd who eats, sleeps and lives for music. It is her passion and she is driven beyond anything anybody could drill or push or insist she does it.
Why the hell do people push and what's the deal in insisting they play something. It's as cruel as expecting them to follow the career of their father even if they hate it.
Don't get me wrong our older 2 ds tried most instruments going but in the end they weren't into it despite having some talent, we supported and encouraged but they didn't want to practice or perform. They wanted to play sport and had I pushed them it would have made them miserable.
On the other hand dd believes she is a world class musician already she takes every opportunity given to her and asks for more besides.
They are all different. Please don't insist they do it if they don't want to. My parents encouraged us, I was the only one out of my siblings who carried on into adulthood. My younger dsis is bitter and never forgave our parents, even though they didn't push at all.

There's absolutely no point in forcing a child to play the piano when they really don't want to. He DOES want to play other instruments though. Why not let him do that for a year or two, and then suggest piano when he is a bit older.

And when he is a bit older, and if your DH is still adamant about it, then it will need to be he who organises the whole thing, pays for lessons, takes him there, and supervises his practice. It is completely unfair of him to expect you to.

If your DH can play and you have a keyboard why doesn't he teach your DS at least as a first introduction?

"If your DH can play and you have a keyboard why doesn't he teach your DS at least as a first introduction?"

That makes sense - that's what I'm planning to do with DS1.

YANBU at all. Let him learn what he is interested in. He's 7, I doubt he gives a shiny shit about music theory. Plenty of time for that later.

Choice of instrument is such a personal thing, let him pick!

Surely what's more worrying here is that your DH gives the orders and you have to carry them out!

Piano is a useful instrument - for a musician. Your DS can start it later and if he's musical it will come quickly. At 7 the most important thing is that he enjoys playing the instrument of his choice.

(BtW, you will need more than a keyboard - you will need to invest in either an acoustic piano or a proper digital piano with weighted keys).