Trying not to be bitter but it sticks in my throat!

[Bythedowns2]

Currently struggling with money trying to do a house up, we moved 6 months ago, work part time for cost reasons with childcare . dH has good job but average earner. DH was left some money by maternal grandmother when she passed some 20 years ago not masses but our contingency fund. At the time of her passing SIL wasn't born. SIL is on maternity moved in with her partner last year to his house, didn't contribute house as not a penny to her name. House is all done doesn't need anything doing, BIL has trade therefore does lots of private work therefore not putting through official channels. Always mentioning cash they can't pay into accounts etc. anyhow DH said before SIL got with partner he would give her half of the money he was left as his grandmother would want that( even though she wasn't born), SIL got pregnant moved out of home etc etc DH then sid couple of months ago need to sort money out to give to her, last week he gave her this circa £1k . Up till this time she was messaging daily asking for it when she would get it etc. they have not gone and bought half a caravan and she is lining up VIP tables at a nightclub - all over Facebook They are not short of money nor need it. We certainly could, new boiler needed trying to get lounge decorated etc. SIL is type only interested when she wants something. aIBU to feel cheesed off we are holding back on things we need doing as skint whilst this money squandered? DH won't talk about it and says it's gone no something he could take back once he said he was giving to her

The only way forward is to forget about it OP. There's another thread running at the moment with greatest advice and it reminded me of this:
'Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.'
Let it go.

Thank you seriously I know it's what I need to do, DH is good but sometimes loyalty to myself and his cold wouldn't go amiss! He realises I think because it upset me and also because she wasn't thankful and I don't think he likes the boasting either the following morning about putchases after handing over money

20 years is a long time to hang on to £2k in case you need a new boiler

It was her grandmother's money. She has more right to it than you. Think about it like that and you'll stop feeling bitter. Her grandmother's, not yours.

It wasn't hung onto for a new boiler it was emergencies in general she never knew about money until DH said about it, we purposely kept it for emergencies

I've heard "anger is like holding onto a burning rock with the intention of throwing it - you're the one who gets burnt". Or words to that effect!

The money was never yours OP regardless that you have been married to your DH for 18 years, the inheritance was his separate property and he chose (very kindly imo) to share it with his sister. Let it go and focus on all the great things that are happening in your life.

I think the bigger issue here is actually your outlook on things (I mean this kindly). Feeling hard done by and envious can so easily become a habit and then at a certain point become a permanent part of your personality. I have a family member who I have seen go this way over the years, worst yet her children grew up absorbing her bitterness and one of them has grown into an identical version of her and he's still only a young adult, allbeit with a huge chip on his shoulder.

My younger sibling and I inherited money from a grandparent when we were children, it was held in trust for us. Another sibling was born a few years later. It never even occurred to us not to share the money with our youngest sibling. It was obvious that had the been born earlier or my grandparent lived longer that money would have been divided between the three of us.

I certainly couldn't have kept and spent that money, I'd have felt very ashamed of myself.

Your husband has done the right thing, it's what his grandmother would have wanted, presumably, and he's not willing to damage his relationship with his sister for the sake of 1k. Your need to let this go, and maybe focus on what a kind and honest man you married.

You can never go wrong being kind and doing the right and honourable thing. Your dh sounds lovely so focus on that. What sil does with the money is totally up to her. Bitterness is like drinking poison hoping the other person will die. You will destroy yourself and your dh. But your sil will be grand.Let it go. Be glad you married a decent guy. You will get what you need.

I think you need to let it go OP, I don't agree that it was also your money like yourself and PP have said.

Thanks for all your replies I have swallowed the bitter pill and will let it go and I guess rain bunny is right it takes a special person to rise above it, I am not envious of sil just having come from nothing get annoyed that she doesn't appreciate what she has and is thankful. It takes a good person to not envy others I guess I need to work on that

You sound very thoughtful.

Trying to be thoughtful! No maliciousness intended just felt angry at having to scrabble around whilst having our noses rubbed in it, unfortunately my DH is better than me and ignores it!

He's not better than you, his sister is his flesh and blood so he'll make more allowances for her.

I can understand resenting someone because everything seems to fall in their lap though.

Bythedowns - I think it's a victory in itself that you recognise that you have these negative feelings.

I do not some from anything close to wealth and there will be no inheritances coming my way, however I've always taken a greater joy and appreciation in the small things I have achieved because it came with effort and work. The first time I bought a brand new car, I saved for ages and bought it outright. I still take pleasure in the fact that I have this (now 5 year old car) that I worked and saved and own outright, I can't imagine someone wealthy who casually purchased their car ever taking as much pleasure in owning it as I still do. Same for our home, a lot of the kitchen and bathroom renovations we took on ourselves rather than use a contractor (nothing involving wiring/extreme plumbing) but a lot of carpentry and tile work etc... Doing it ourselves was exhausting but a million times more satisfying to me compared to friends who spent the thousands more to have the professionals come in to do it. I suppose I just think that if things come too easily to a person they won't ever appreciate or get as much joy out of it as the person who really worked for it. I know which person I'd rather be :) Your SIL will probably never get the same long lasting joy out of such things as you do, so really she is the one missing out.