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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to SIL?

68 replies

PiperChapstick · 12/07/2015 17:16

MIL birthday coming up in August. Up until last 5 years or so DH and I bought a gift for her. Then SIL started to ask to go thirds on a present with her and her, husband, us and BIL/BILs girlfriend.

First few years was gifts about £60 so £20 per couple. Happy with this and always got wine as an extra something. Last 2 years the price has crept up to about £200 - spa days and posh hair straighteners. Always SILs ideas. Today she has text us asking if we want to go thirds - on a fucking £550 puppy.

BIL said no - he's split up with his GF so can't afford to go thirds and has had his hours reduced at work. So she's sent me a separate message ranting about how selfish BIL is and how MIL deserves a puppy (she is fab and does a lot for us, and has done so much for BIL last few years, long story but he probably wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for her).

Thing is AIBU to think it's ludicrous a spend £550 on a birthday present for a 58 year old? I've never heard her say she wants a puppy (SIL bit of a crazy dog lady and thinks everyone should have a dog). She's asked if we can stretch to pay half. We have joint savings, but that's for a holiday/impending house move - would IBU to tell her to piss right off politely decline too?

DH at work so not sure what he thinks yet

OP posts:
Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 12/07/2015 17:34

Sorry but £20 each is reasonable, and MIL and DM would not want their children going broke - if shes a helper she does it to help not a big gift.

emotionsecho · 12/07/2015 17:38

Under no circumstances should a puppy be bought as a gift for anyone, that's an utterly terrible idea.

Your MIL may foster rescue dogs and I should imagine the reason she has never committed to keeping any long term is because she doesn't want to curtail her life and independence which is a requisite part of animal ownership. Please don't let you SIL foist a puppy onto your MIL she will feel backed into a corner, it's a horrible thing to do to MIL and puppy.

Apart from that, increasing the cost of presents arbitrarily is not on either, I would have ducked out of the joint present thing a long time ago.

coffeeisnectar · 12/07/2015 17:40

Good grief, no, no, no to a puppy!!

Such a massive commitment in time, money and efforts in training etc. Sil is quite clearly bonkers.

EggOnTheFloor · 12/07/2015 17:41

Think I'd kill anyone stupid enough to buy me a pet tbh - then probably feed that person to said pet.

Plus that is not a cheap dog. Surely if your MIL wanted a dog, she'd have one already? Dogs are big commitments.

Hopefully it will be relatively easy to convince SIL what a terrible idea this is. Then suggest going back to single presents.

fastdaytears · 12/07/2015 17:47

No no no no no

YANBU

That is way too much money, and if your MIL (who sounds lovely) is involved with an animal rescue charity why would she want a £550 puppy?

Your SIL has got her heart set on this terrible idea and wants you to subsidise her craziness.

MythicalKings · 12/07/2015 17:50

YANBU. SiL wants the dog, imo.

chickenfuckingpox · 12/07/2015 17:51

never never never buy an animal as a gift!

HTH Flowers

2rebecca · 12/07/2015 17:54

If I ever wanted a dog I would want to choose it myself. The cost of the present is OTT. I'd tell SIL that you want to go back to just buying presents from the 2 of you as you feel things have got out of hand recently and that way you can all spend what you can afford

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 12/07/2015 17:55

I think a conversation with MIL about people who buy cute little puppies rather than taking a poor unloved doggy from s rescue centre is needed here.

SuburbanRhonda · 12/07/2015 17:58

How does someone "deserve" a puppy? Hmm

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 12/07/2015 18:00

YANBU

SIL is being VU about amount of money; saying BIL is being tight; and oh yes... buying a dog AS A GIFT WTAF?

Say no, shout it from the bloody rooftops.

pinkyredrose · 12/07/2015 18:04

Dog breeding for money is a horrific practice that shouldn't be encouraged. Your MIL will know this as she fosters rescue dogs. It would be the most inappropriate 'gift'.

diddl · 12/07/2015 18:04

Would your husband really say yes to that amount of money being spent on his mum?

Why did BIL not just say no?

Why the need to give reasons?

Suprised that no one just laughed at SIL tbh!

2rebecca · 12/07/2015 18:04

I wouldn't ask MIL about dogs either because it doesn't get away from the fact that its a lot of money to spend on a present, plus maybe wanting a dog doesn't mean she wants the dog chosen for her. If sIL goes on about MIL deserving an expensive present I'd just tell her you don't judge your relationships by how expensive a present someone buys you and are surprised and disappointed she does. Tell her its too expensive and a daft idea and you'd prefer to just buy her a present from the 2 of you in future.

honeyroar · 12/07/2015 18:06

Tell your SIL that if your MIL is they type of person to help rescues by fostering dogs she would, no doubt, be horrified that someone paid £500k for a dog from a breeder when there are rescue dogs are stuck in kennels. I always have rescues and I would go mental if someone bought me a puppy. A dog is not a present. It is something that is planned for, and is chosen personally. Your SIL needs a bloody big lecture on that!

Then, once you've got that into her thick skull, tell her that she is getting a bit carried away in what is being bought as presents value wise. Tell her that even if you could afford it, £250 is too much for a general birthday present. Tell her you'd rather go back to sourcing individual presents in future (tell her you miss choosing). Tell her her brother is right to be upset. She needs a reality check!

DoreenLethal · 12/07/2015 18:08

I can't believe you didn't say 'BIL isn't selfish, he is realistic and I agree 100% with him. No way should anyone get another adult an animal for a present. End of'

diddl · 12/07/2015 18:11

Is SIL also thing that basket etc should be bought & food & vet bills for puppy's lifetime??

SugarOnTop · 12/07/2015 18:13

BIL said no - he's split up with his GF so can't afford to go thirds and has had his hours reduced at work. So she's sent me a separate message ranting about how selfish BIL is

What a disgusting piece of work she is! i'd look her straight in the eye and TELL her that from now on you will go back to buying individual presents for mil.

Jackie0 · 12/07/2015 18:52

Your sil is a fool

YeOldTrout · 12/07/2015 19:15

£500k would be like the price of a cloned stud, right? Wink

So how did Sunday lunch go, PiperChap?

AliceAlice1979 · 12/07/2015 19:48

The cost is crazy and the choice of present more so. Buy your own choice and say no to this idea.

firesidechat · 12/07/2015 19:51

I'm sure this has been said umpteen times already on this thread, but puppies are not presents! Or they shouldn't be.

Tell you sil to take a hike, for wanting to buy a puppy and for the cost.

elfycat · 12/07/2015 19:52

I'd use this opportunity to get out of the joint present thing forever. Say no to the gift-idea never buy someone else a pet and say you'd rather do your own thing anyway.

HaveYouSeenHerLately · 12/07/2015 19:56

Aside from the excellent points others have made, MIL may prefer the short/medium-term commitment of fostering.

A lot of foster animals require a home without other pets so it could affect her future fostering availability Sad

SacredHeart · 12/07/2015 20:04

Also no remotely ethical or responsible breeder would sell an animal as a surprise - they would want a in depth relationship with the owner before committing to giving them a puppy.