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AIBU?

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Original poster

In telling my Sister she needs to confiscate this

66 replies

RachelRagged · 12/07/2015 09:41

Hi

My Sister has 3 DCs, DS1, 13, DS2, 10 and a DD who is 9.

Whilst sorting out uniforms for washing yesterday i the blazer of DS1 she found a small pocket knife ! The blade comes out (little ridge to get that out) She has no idea where or how he got it as she has never seen it before i her life.

Now she is dithering about whether to call him out on it, leave it or take it out of blazer which she has to be honest and see if he reacts at all come morning when he will leave for school . The boy is somewhat erratic at times and I am actually afraid he may use it . I don't want to nag at her, our Mother does a good enough job of that one (posted a thread on that subject alone) but I also do not want to see anybody injured or my DN arrested etc.

Please help .

OP posts:
WayneRooneysHair · 12/07/2015 11:43

If the school finds him with that in school he will be excluded, no maybe about it. Has your sister got anyone who can look for him?

Teabagbeforemilk · 12/07/2015 11:44

I would be tempted to call 101 and ask for some advice.

Dad used to be in the police till recently. He went to talk to kids in this situation a lot. No charges, but about the seriousness and consequences. That may have changed since he retired though.

Teabagbeforemilk · 12/07/2015 11:45

I get that, but has he stormed out before? Is he likely to return or is she worried he has run away? or will go missing?

Or does he go off cool down and come back

Teabagbeforemilk · 12/07/2015 11:47

Sorry when is said what would happen if they found out she knew he had one before i was meaning a situation, possibly in the future, where he replaces it and uses it.

Then it comes to light that she has caught him with a knife on this occasion but never did anything.

If my child was threaten with a knife and I found out the mother has already taken one off him but not involved anyone else i would be furious.

bestguess23 · 12/07/2015 11:54

It is actually illegal to take a knife into a school. Http:safe.met.police.uk/knife_crime_and_gun_crime/consequences_and_the_law.html He could be facing much worse than exclusion if he gets caught. If his behaviour is erratic he really needs to not be carrying a knife!

Original poster
RachelRagged · 12/07/2015 11:56

Well Yes she is concerned re him using it on a sibling, or anyone for that matter.

He storms out when DS is alone (her DH is an Extra . Likes to say he is an actor but he is not lol) . Anyway, he is filming somewhere at the moment (as an Extra) but back tomorrow evening.

OP posts:
Original poster
RachelRagged · 12/07/2015 11:59

Oh she will be doing something , I will make sure she does. The knife is now in her possession but strong talk will be had later as I am going to drive down to Sisters as well. I am his fav Aunt (I am his ONLY Aunt but hey ho) , I am hoping he will open up to Me at least.

OP posts:
Original poster
RachelRagged · 12/07/2015 12:00

Her DH is aware as she rung him

OP posts:
enderwoman · 12/07/2015 12:08

I'm glad your sister didn't sweep it under the carpet and I hope that he comes back home and explains the background to the knife.
He's lucky that your sister found the knife because someone else finding out about it could have unleashed an unbelievable shit storm.

bestguess23 · 12/07/2015 12:11

Great, it sounds like she is dealing with it well. If only all parents who found a knife did the same.

Original poster
RachelRagged · 12/07/2015 12:12

Indeed enderwoman.

I shall update later/check in as about to drive down .. few hours from Me . Hopefully he will be home by then. He is at a friends, the Mum rung DS so she knows where he is.

OP posts:
Original poster
RachelRagged · 12/07/2015 12:13

Sister was once threatened with a knife , she takes it very seriously.

OP posts:
Seriouslyffs · 12/07/2015 12:20

What a bizarre and drama creating way of finding out about the knife. Confused
'Son, I found this in your blazer pocket, you do know you'd be excluded or expelled if a teacher found it. Talk to me'

enderwoman · 12/07/2015 12:32

I have a similar aged son and he often reacts to difficult questions by running out the house in embarrassment. He's taller than me and can be mature but sometimes do surprisingly stupid things and I hope this is one of those occasions.
It doesn't sound like your sister was dramatic and bizarre at all. A knife is a big deal even if the child didn't intend it to be that way.

Original poster
RachelRagged · 12/07/2015 12:37

Seriouslyffs if you had no interest in my thread then why even comment ? Drama ? Do you mean Dramatic way ?

My sister is a mess right now, ok ? She has vivid memories of almost losing her life with the knife threat ,, It is not bizarre nor dramatic . Thanks to other posters who have like, you know, helped . Off now to DS.

OP posts:
Original poster
RachelRagged · 12/07/2015 12:38

Thank You enderwoman.

My own DS is no Angel either , in fact I am not taking him with Me as him and DN together . well .

OP posts:
Todayisnottheday · 12/07/2015 12:50

I agree with seriously, you seem very over involved. Why can't your sis talk to her son herself? Why do you need to get involved too? I vividly remember making small errors as a kid and the whole family discussing it, saying their piece, helping??!! It definitely made a massive deal out of minor things amd destroyed my confidence in my parents. By all means support your sister but leave the parenting to her.

Seriouslyffs · 12/07/2015 12:53

Confronting him with it was bizarre and dramatic! I agree 100% that he needs to know she found it and confiscate it. What I don't understand is the ambushing/ setting up the confrontation. And it didn't work if he's punched a door and stormed out.
Try and take the heat of the situation.

OTheHugeManatee · 12/07/2015 12:58

What's the context? Do they live in an urban environment with knife crime problems, or a rural backwater where kids play in the woods? If the former, of course it needs to be tackled but not just taking it away - finding out why me had it in the first place. If the latter the boy just needs to be aware of safe use and laws around carrying knives.

OTheHugeManatee · 12/07/2015 13:01

Hm, missed the update, doesn't sound like a Swallows & Amazons type knife judging by his reaction Hmm

Teabagbeforemilk · 12/07/2015 13:12

Carrying a knife is not a small error.

Can we stop with the judging of how the OPs sister dealt with it

Tooooooohot · 12/07/2015 13:17

Your sister is not taking this seriously at all, she seems to be tip toeing around him. Seriouslyffs is right. This is not a game, not a toy but serious stuff.

LIZS · 12/07/2015 13:23

If it turns out he has taken it into school , presumably others may too. She really should highlight the issue to Head and suggest a pcso could be asked to speak to the pupils. Otherwise seek advice from 101 and they may offer to do so themselves.

NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 12/07/2015 13:31

It's small with a keyring link, a little ridge to fold the blade out, whole thing smaller than a woman's index finger. It's a penknife

My 7 and 10 yos have those for whittling. ..

Doesnt mean the dn had it for whittling obviously - his reaction speaks of feeling he shouldn't have it, and what is uncomfortable is not just his reaction but the fact his mum and dad didn't know he had it.

The placing of it on the table does sound dramatic though - say nothing til he's eaten, put it next to him, question him... He might have reacted the same way to an illicit Mars bar under the circumstances. ...

Casually mentioning it and asking gently would surely be the way to go. He needs to know he cant carry it about and that his parents are all ears and ready to listen if he's having problems at school.

He doesn't need the cavalry driving 3 hours to confront him in some kind of saving the day style. No wonder he's gone to his mate's.

RachelRagged · 12/07/2015 13:41

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