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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate my elderly neighbours talking to me in the garden?

74 replies

stepmothersknockers · 11/07/2015 16:19

I live in a terraced house. The neighbours on one side talk to me whenever I am in the garden. Whenever I STEP into the garden - to put washing out or water plants - I hear the click of their upper window and they both come and start shouting a conversation at me.

I absolutely hate it. I feel as though they are spying on my every move!!

It's actually making me want to move house. There is no where I can sit in the garden without them leaning out and talking to me. This afternoon I would love to sit outside and read my book but if I do, they will start talking to me.

Aibu to be this wound up about it?

OP posts:

stiffstink · 12/07/2015 09:22

Ours are similar. They even shout my name to tell me they are going out!

They used to have a key from the previous owner (for emergencies!) but we got it back after they came through the house one night and rearranged some plants in the garden that had fallen over in high winds. That is not an emergency in my book!

The comments on the washing too, oh god!

Someone upthread said they'd be good to spot burglars - not in our case. Someone stole a very large item, think 30ft long, from our back garden and they saw nothing. They haven't noticed the cleaner who comes once a fortnighta

Its only us they are on high alert for.

Anticyclone · 12/07/2015 11:57

I totally get where you are coming from as our fence blew down a few months ago and after a couple of weeks of being accosted by the elderly gent who lives next door virtually every time we were in the garden and talked AT for 15+ minutes until we ran away, we couldn't get the new fence up quick enough!

We also delay leaving the house if we hear him coming out of the front door.

I was once in a rush to get to work and had taken about 5 mins of continuous monologue by the front door, so I started to walk away while apologising for being in a rush and he shouted after me "WAIT"!! It sounded really important so I came back, and he said " I just want to tell you this great joke.. "

butterfly133 · 12/07/2015 12:30

Ugh
The only way to cope with people who can't take a hint is to say it plainly, it can be done nicely. I do get annoyed with this sort of thing. They might be lonely but do they have no sense of boundaries?

We have one guy in our building who is like this, we tend tobe careful about engaging at all unless its the weekend and there is literally nothing to do. I got stuck with him for a full twenty minutes when I popped into the supermarket after an eleven hour shift. I was so tired I couldn't even register what he was saying. Now I make sure I don't have to pop there after a late, which is silly because it's quiet then and a good time to go.

DarthVadersTailor · 12/07/2015 12:33

YANBU OP.

I have a similar issue with neighbours outside my block every time I go for a ciggie, it's like they're waiting for me to come out sometimes!!! Don't mind being social at all & I like getting to know my neighbours but sometimes I wouldn't mind a ciggie without knowing that in 30 seconds I'm going to be engaged in conversation EVERY TIME.

LoveProductions1 · 27/10/2015 10:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

32ndfloorandabitdizzy · 27/10/2015 11:03

Or you could make a quality programme rather than more reality TV crap. Humiliating people with mental health issues isn't acceptable, big or clever.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 27/10/2015 11:04

Reported.

notquitehuman · 27/10/2015 11:06

Trawling forums for reality TV contestants? Wow that's professional.

thebestfurchinchilla · 27/10/2015 11:16

OP I feel your pain. They obviously have little else in their lives. Get some screening or move!

Damselindestress · 27/10/2015 11:27

YANBU, I would really hate that! We once had a nearby neighbour who would be standing at the door ready to give us a blow-by-blow account of her bowel problems when we were running for a bus, that was bad enough! I've no problem with sometimes making small talk when someone is lonely but for them to accost you every time you step outside is BU, you should be able to relax in your own garden! Unfortunately I don't know what to recommend. As they are shouting out the upper window even higher fences wouldn't solve the problem.

MrsJayy · 27/10/2015 11:33

They sound bonkers who purposely opens their window to chat to neighbours My neighbour is nice enough but god sometimes a 2 second trip to the bin can be a 20 minute chat usually about folk i dont even know.

ohtheholidays · 27/10/2015 11:46

YANBU OP and I hope you find a solution that doesn't have to be as drastic as one of our poor neighbours.

There's an older neighbour that lives in our road and he will stop anyone no matter weather he knows them or not and he will talk your ear off.One of the worst things about him as well is he's not a very nice person so whenever he stops you it's to slate someone else,I always bloody hated it!He'll be talking to some poor soul and they'll be listening to him,nodding,smiling at him and 5 minutes later as soon as they're gone he'll start slagging them off to someone else.

One neighbour took pity on him she was lovely,had a house full with children and a DH that worked long hours and she worked part time.Biggest mistake she ever made,he made her constantly late no matter what she was doing,on her way to work taking the children to school he wouldn't leave her alone.

Her husband wasn't keen and thought he was an interfeing old sod(he was right)she started to invite him round for a cuppa thinking that if he had her attention all on what he was saying for an hour a few times a week he'd let her get on.It backfired big time,he was constantly at they're house,he'd tell them off for not sorting they're bins properly and he'd actually go through they're bins to sort they're rubbish and recycling and then he'd tell me and everyone else about doing they're bins for them anything he knew or thought he knew about they're personal lifes.

The last time he stopped me to gossip he started on about the family I mentioned,the Mum was lovely and I was friends with her so I gave him both barrels and told him what I really thought of him.He never bothered me again,but my poor friend couldn't take it any more and moved and didn't tell him where they were going,that miserable sod nearly cost her her marriage it was that bad.

Screaminlikeabanshee2 · 27/10/2015 12:02

They sound bonkers who purposely opens their window to chat to neighbours

That made me really chortle

DontHaveAUsername · 27/10/2015 12:05

YABU it seems like they are just trying to be friendly but are unknowingly irritating you. Just say you can't talk right now/are a bit busy etc. Problem solved without anyones feelings being hurt.

Sadik · 27/10/2015 12:09

YANBU at all. To those who say 'be nice to them, they're elderly', all I can say is it depends.

We have low-ish fences - the way our gardens are oriented, anything different and everyone would end up with gardens in deep shade.

Next door on one side to us are lovely. It used to be an elderly chap on his own and we'd chat quite a bit if we happened to be outside at the same time, but equally we were both aware if the other had visitors, was giving out 'busy' vibes etc. He's moved and now it's a young couple with dc and it's just the same, we chat if we're both hanging out washing etc but equally sometimes we don't.

The other side thank heavens are second home owners so they're only around some of the time. But when they are, they just don't seem to take into account that we all need a bit of privacy (even if it's kind of 'imaginary' privacy) sometimes. I think because they're on holiday, they think we all are and don't have stuff to get on with. (It doesn't help that they're really quite condescending and prone to racist comments . . .) I'd go mad if they were there all the time!

MrsJayy · 27/10/2015 12:17

Think is with people like this even if you say oh im a bit busy atm they just talk at you anyway so you feel obliged to answer their is being friendly and neighbourly but these people need to take a hint.

MrsJayy · 27/10/2015 12:19

There* i have another neighbour mid 70s gossipy nasty woman always been like it age has nothing to do with it.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 27/10/2015 12:30

I can't bear people who force their company on people. I have a neighbour (down the road thankfully, so occasionally bump into him when he's walking his dog rather than over the fence) who collars you and will talk for 30 minutes or more, about himself, his wife, his house, his holidays etc... He knocked on my door for some reason when DS was little (2-3) about 5.30pm so busy time and chatted for ages until I said I have to go and sort out the toddler who was rampaging around unsupervised. I am not unfriendly but I never gave him reason to think his life is a fascinating subject for me. Thing is he does it to everyone. XH calls him King of the street because he's lived here for 40 years and thinks he owns it. Gaah.

GruntledOne · 27/10/2015 12:32

Errm, have we all realised that this thread happened in July and had come to an end?

SplatterMustard · 27/10/2015 12:34

Maybe they are lonely? One day you could be glad of their company.

SilentBob · 27/10/2015 12:36

I'd take that as a 'no,' Gruntled!

DaggerEyes · 27/10/2015 13:00

I see this is a zombie, but wanted to suggest awnings as a possible solution to others suffering from intrusive neighbors.

To hate my elderly neighbours talking to me in the garden?

Orrery · 27/10/2015 13:37

Neighbours eh? Who'd 'ave 'em!!! When we moved into our current house in January I was looking forward to living in a 'proper surburban street with neighbours and everything!', having lived in a pretty isolated house next to a field before. So, went about this year eager to stop and chat to new neighbours etc. Nearly a year on, and no bugger has spoken to me and the novelty has well and truly worn off! I particularly don't like having to close all the windows properly in the summer to avoid having to listen to the neighbourhood kids screeching all over the communal area!

I think the rule is if you don't make eye contact, or if you just wave out and say hello and move on, then it's clear you don't want/have time to talk? Maybe you could discourage your elderly neighbours from making contact every time they see you by asking them for a favour every time they speak to you!

captainfarrell · 27/10/2015 14:21

When we moved into our house , our neighbour who was a Norris from Corrie character, said, " Do you know I haven't been in your house for 20 years when the previous owner moved in!" I thought yeah and you won't be seeing it for another 20 matey!

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