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AIBU?

Behaviour in the EPAU waiting room

100 replies

CakeWouldBeNice · 10/07/2015 17:27

This morning I was in the EPAU (miscarriage clinic) waiting room. The routine is that when you arrive you are scanned and then you wait in the waiting room to see the doctor/nurse. The only people in the waiting room are for the EPAU (ie women with threatened miscarriages, or similar)

One couple today came out of the scan room and started very loudly going on to each other about how relieved they were to know their baby was fine. They then got out their scan pictures and started showing them to their daughter (maybe about 6 years old, in school uniform, during school hours) pointing out "here's the baby's leg" and making plans for their baby. They were not trying at all to be quiet and there is no way any of their conversation could be missed.

Meanwhile myself and the other woman waiting just had to sit there and hear it all. I ended up leaving in tears and having to wait in a corridor.

Am I being over-sensitive or was their behaviour inappropriate?

OP posts:

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toomuchtooold · 10/07/2015 18:01

Am l only allowed an opinion if l agree with OP?

tbh Stonedgalah I think yes, if someone's waiting for the outcome of an early scan and worrying about miscarriage, you either back them up or don't say anything at all. The OP came on here for backup and a chance to vent, not to have her version of events questioned.

Ohfourfoxache · 10/07/2015 18:02

So what is the hospital supposed to do? Have one waiting room for good news and another for bad? Can't patients have a bit of common fucking sense for once rather than rely on others - ie the hospital - to facilitate their behaviour?

StonedGalah · 10/07/2015 18:05

But it isn't the fault of the family who had good news, it's the hospital for a clearly shit set up.

OP I've had 2 mc, l know it's a hard time, but giving out because someone else got the news you so dearly wanted and judging them, well l don't think that's ok.

StonedGalah · 10/07/2015 18:08

Oh in the epu I've been to numerous times, you all sit in the waiting room until you're called to be scanned. If it's bad news you go to a little room on your own.

Good news and you go home. No one has to go back into the waiting room.

Not fucking rocket science.

Hoppinggreen · 10/07/2015 18:08

Sorry for your loss.
The couple were being a bit dense and why the hell you would take a school age child ( childcare issues perhaps?) into that environment?
However, the set up should be looked at as well. When I came out of the room to find out I had lost my baby at 12 weeks I had to exit through the room where all the parents coming for standard scans were excitedly showing their pictures to family etc who were waiting for them.

HereIAm20 · 10/07/2015 18:11

Unfortunately not all hospitals are set up the same and perhaps when they had their older child it was different. I suffered 3 miscarriages snd each time was just in the same waiting room for those having the joy of their 12/20 week scans. They really had no idea that we were there in entirely different circumstances. Even worse after losing one I had to go for a DNC and was in a room for 4 where the other 3 were there for terminations. Perhaps give them the benefit of the doubt that they really didn't realise. Sorry for your loss/troubles x

CakeWouldBeNice · 10/07/2015 18:17

OP I've had 2 mc, l know it's a hard time, but giving out because someone else got the news you so dearly wanted and judging them, well l don't think that's ok.

Also had two miscarriages (well one and one ongoing) and a neonatal death (from complications detected in early pregnancy). I've spent LOTS of time in EPAUs - I reckon today was probably about my twentieth visit over different pregnancies. I was just surprised (shocked?) because until today I haven't experienced anyone so loudly and for so long going on about how healthy their baby is and what they're going to call it, buy for it, etc.

I'm not judging anyone for the news they had - I'm glad that somebody has had good news. But I do think they could have shown some consideration. The majority of women in those waiting rooms have NOT had good news and given that they themselves would have been worried 15 minutes beforehand I'd have thought they could have showed some empathy and waited until they were outside to celebrate. I've had some appointments in there where the scan has been more positive than I expected but I've always delayed my celebrations until I'm away from those people who have had worse news.

When I came out of my appointment with the doctor the couple concerned had been moved by the nurse to wait in a consulting room.

OP posts:

plentychilled · 10/07/2015 18:17

What nonsense that stonedgalah shouldn't be allowed an opinion unless she agrees with OP. The OP asked if she was being unreasonable or not, I'm sure she is prepared for a few opposing views. Besides that, stoned didn't say anything offensive anyway.

Op I don't think actually think you're being unreasonable, most people would be considerate of other people who have had bad news. I'm sorry for what you're going through

PickleSarnie · 10/07/2015 18:19

In St George's the EPU is the same place as the maternity dept. So you're sat there having a miscarriage /waiting results of blood tests to see if it's ectopic and there's loads of happy pregnant people. Not the pregnant womens fault but bad planning.

Im another hospital, I had a scan after shed loads of bleeding. All was okay, but they put the picture in an envelope and told me not to open it until I'd left. Common courtesy.

NickyEds · 10/07/2015 18:20

YANBU I had to go to the EPAU and it was a very different set up. We were taken into a clinic/examination room for blood pressure etc doing then taken to radiography (rather than antenatal clinic)for the scan. As the news was good the sonographer and EPAU nurse told us there and then. There were private rooms for bad news.

CakeWouldBeNice · 10/07/2015 18:23

I actually have lots of praise for the hospital and think the set up is probably as good as it can be given that they can't build a different room. They've used clear signs and the posters on the wall to show that it is clearly an area just for women who are experiencing threatened pregnancies. The woman today was also post 12 weeks as she was talking about the 12 week scan she had had on a different date, so for that appointment she would have been in the pregnancy clinic which is in a completely different place.

OP posts:

cansu · 10/07/2015 18:26

Some people are very thick OP. I think you had the misfortune to run into some idiots.

IsItMeOr · 10/07/2015 18:27

Sorry for your loss OP.

It does sound like the set up could be better managed, even just by staff gently reminding people getting good news that others won't. Although, of course, staff may have done that, and people can still do something different.

MuffMuffTweetAndDave · 10/07/2015 18:27

You're allowed a different opinion to OP stonedgalah, but it wouldn't kill you to use kid gloves for a woman who's having a very tough time. Even if you have experienced similar.

And to OP, . They were obviously being inconsiderate, I think unfortunately sometimes people in that situation just aren't good at keeping a lid on things.

MuffMuffTweetAndDave · 10/07/2015 18:29

Btw, to all those on this thread who've experienced loss, I'm sorry for what you've been through.

AmberLav · 10/07/2015 18:29

I am always very conscious that the Women's Health department covers a wide range of patients from those that are very happy, to those that are very unhappy, so I am always careful to not be too obviously happy at good news, and to be considerate. I had a miscarriage before my first, that was slow, so required 3 visits to EPU, and I remember seeing ladies with very thick notes, and some that were clearly in distress. My first two visits were actually fairly positive, it was only the last one that had the certainty... So I've gone through both sides to a certain extent... They were inappropriate...

manchestermummy · 10/07/2015 18:31

When I visited the EPAU, I was put in a side room while waiting for my scan. Everything was fine, and I'm confident that had it not, I'd have been treated kindly. Certainly the nurse I saw who took my blood before the scan was very sensitive.

When I had my 12-week scan at a different hospital, scan photos were purchased from the reception desk, so it was fairly discreet. We instinctively didn't get them out until we reached the car, however. Having had that scare earlier on, we were very aware that there isn't always a good outcome.

Fwiw OP, YANBU at all, and maybe you'd consider telling the hospital your very valid point of view.

Teabagbeforemilk · 10/07/2015 18:32

Thank you sweet got to admit I thought epau was for all scans. I have never celebrated as I always assume at least one woman there may be waiting for bad news. When I had my second epau was part of the scan waiting room too. So I thought everyone was under epau until 20 weeks. Don't think I explaining myself well.

I am so sorry op.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 10/07/2015 18:39

. So sorry for you on your devastating news. We're all here to support you.
I don't think the couple meant it in an insensitive way. I think they were/are just excited about their baby. Which yes they are allowed to be. However I do fully understand how you would see that as rubbing in wounds. I also think the hospital could have the lay out better as well so they do not have happy exited couples walking past those who have suffered the heart break of an mc.
Suffering a mc in the past I know you are not thinking in rational manner. After my mc and before I was graced with dd. I couldn't even look at maternity clothes. Without my eyes filling up.
Look after your self.

Birdsgottafly · 10/07/2015 18:45

""The couple were being a bit dense and why the hell you would take a school age child ( childcare issues perhaps?) into that environment?""

Because when you attend, it could be an emergency situation (bleeding etc) and it's easier to get childcare later in the day, rather than try to find someone to pick the child up from school.

I've had to take my eldest with me, she was dressed for school, but then no-one was answering, so I couldn't risk sending her, not all women fully MC, some will have to be admitted for a D&C; and she may have wanted her DP with her.

OP, you can leave "feedback" on your experience, perhaps patients aren't being asked to behave sensitively.

MiaowTheCat · 10/07/2015 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kewrious · 10/07/2015 18:52

MMC in March this year. I had to make several visits to the EPAU and there was a big sign saying something along the lines of 'people often receive very difficult news here so please be sensitive.' On my last day there was a young woman and the look on her face, despite my own bad news haunted me for a long time. OP YANBU. Someone who is in the EPAU has probably had a pregnancy scare of some kind. It's not the normal ultrasound bit and they should know better than to celebrate in public.

As an aside, I had such kind treatment from everyone after my 12 week scan. The lady scanning me was v worried that going back into the waiting room with other happy people might upset me so she found a chair somewhere else and offered me a drink of water. In the midst of her crazy day in a busy London hospital. I don't know if this is a result of the Mumsnet campaign but if it is, then kudos to those who raised awareness of it.

Iggi999 · 10/07/2015 18:56

The one I'm familiar with wouldn't be seeing anyone over 12 weeks (as not "early" pregnancy anymore I suppose).

CakeWouldBeNice · 10/07/2015 19:02

Because when you attend, it could be an emergency situation (bleeding etc) and it's easier to get childcare later in the day, rather than try to find someone to pick the child up from school.

I've had to take my eldest with me, she was dressed for school, but then no-one was answering, so I couldn't risk sending her, not all women fully MC, some will have to be admitted for a D&C; and she may have wanted her DP with her.

They do straight -up emergencies; they only give appointments (so for later that day if you are bleeding). Her appointment was probably about 10.30ish. The school (from the uniform) was about 10 to 15 minutes walk away.

Women having surgical management or medical management of miscarriage or who are being admitted go to a different area.

I think that's why I was so surprised to see the child there.

OP posts:

nickdrakeslovechild · 10/07/2015 19:18

I've ended up for scans at my local EPAU twice, first time with bad news and they took us into a side room to discuss what what going to happen next and the second good news when they said please don't leave the room holding the scan pictures or grinning like cheshire cats.

I think the worst is when I had an ERPC, the waiting room is at the side of a curtain for the EPAU waiting room. Hearing people talking hoping for good news when I was losing my baby

All in all my local EPAU were fantastic, what an awful job having to tell a majority of people bad news all day.

YADNBU, they are twats.

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