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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is a quarter of an adult dependants income too much for them to contribute to the household?

57 replies

Unacceptable · 09/07/2015 17:15

How much money is appropriate to take as 'keep'?
We're thinking maybe a quarter of income up to a maximum of £50 but is that unfair?

Certainly if DS was earning a pittance he'd consider 1/4 to be too much but if he was earning a lot £50 would be a lot less than he'd pay out if he rented a flat.
He would then be able to put money away towards a house deposit or whatever.

We're torn between wanting them to be prepared for the expense of independent living while contributing towards the enormous food shopping bill and wanting them to enjoy their money before they have to live in the real world.

What do you charge?

OP posts:

barleyfieldsummer · 09/07/2015 17:20

Dependent as in - not having left education?

If you don't need the money and they are still studying, I wouldn't be taking anything.

ollieplimsoles · 09/07/2015 17:21

I'm really interested in this, my parents were really reasonable when I was living with them because me and dh were working our asses off to afford to put down for a rental place. They never asked for more than £50 but if I had made more in a month I would give them a bit extra (they didnt need it they just wanted to teach me to budget!).

My friend is still at home and her parents take £200 a month from her. I saw this as really unfair as they are both doing really well, she doesnt stay there most of the time, and they are difficult parents to live with (long story). She knows how to manage her money so doesnt need 'teaching' and they are always complaining that she is still living at home! If they stopped taking that £200 chunk out of her already meager wages, she would be able to move out faster!

Floralnomad · 09/07/2015 17:26

My ds is 22 , we don't take anything off him - we don't need the money and he doesn't need me to take money off him to learn how to budget - he's an intelligent person it's not rocket science . I never gave my parents anything for 'keep' and I've never had a problem living within my means . Obviously if you need the money it's a different situation .

sashh · 09/07/2015 17:36

It depends what you are providing, if they have to stump up another 50% for food / toiletries / fares then 25% is too much.

HermioneWeasley · 09/07/2015 17:42

Assuming it covers accommodation, bills, food etc then I reckon having 75% disposable income is pretty nice!

GloGirl · 09/07/2015 17:43

My Dad always took one day's wages a weweweek which I always thought was fair (I had a 5 day a week job, I'm sure he'd have taken a fifth if I worked less days )

Preciousbane · 09/07/2015 17:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SeenSheen · 09/07/2015 17:51

I think how much he Costa is also a factor. If he's forever hungry or prone to take many long showers for example then he ought to contribute extra to cover those. This would be an important lesson for when he pays his own bills.

Hairylegs007 · 09/07/2015 17:57

£30 pw

I'd also save the cash if I was able so that I could give them a lump sum towards something

HighwayDragon · 09/07/2015 17:59

I think that 50% all in is more reasonable, they'll be with you forever otherwise!

CrystalCove · 09/07/2015 18:00

I take £100 a month from DS, he earns about £1000 a month. Plus he pays for the sports channels on our Sky bill as they are for him.

Chasingsquirrels · 09/07/2015 18:02

Why is he an adult dependant? If studying then unless he also has significant other income I wouldn't expect keep.

From a working adult I'd look at local room share costs, including bills, as a reasonable starting point, consider costs of food on top of that and make sure they were buying their own toiletries, clothes, mobile phone bill etc.

carabos · 09/07/2015 18:03

DS1 came home "for three months" at one point. After 6 months I asked him for £200 per month which I thought was reasonable - he was working full time in a professional job. He moved on shortly afterward .

The time before that he came home I made him share with his brother so that he didn't get too comfortable .

namechange4this123 · 09/07/2015 18:05

I wouldn't charge much, about £100-200 per month if ou want them to save up and move out. If you take a large percentage of their income, it will take longer for them to save up enough to move out. They should also be contributing to the overall upkeep of the house e.g. doing their laundry, cooking a few times a week, a bit of cleaning etc

In reality, adding an extra person's food, heating etc is usually minimal anyway.

SurlyCue · 09/07/2015 18:07

My parents didnt take any keep off me or DSIS. In my case i had been working since 14 and saved all i could, i knee how to budget and bargain hunt for what i needed. I moved out at 19 and managed my own home no bother ever since.

My sister OTOH is still at home aged 28, only started saving when she got her first full time job two years ago and is now quickly burning through her savings since giving up her job last month. No intention of leaving home.

One of my aunts took 20% off her son when he was working full time and unbeknownst to him saved it so he could put it towards a deposit that he was saving for. Seemed like a good idea to me.

WhyOWhyWouldYou · 09/07/2015 19:39

To live at home we we're expected to either be in full time education or working (our choice but we had to do some thing). We also had pay a quarter of what we earnt as "keep" and save a quarter, regardless of the amount we earnt, even if we were an apprentice (me and 1 of my brothers did an apprenticeship). The only exception was a weekend job alongside full time education.

I'm now 24yrs old. Me and DH moved in together when we were both 18.5yrs. We had saved a basic house deposit in just 1 year (plus I had plenty of savings from before to boost that into a very good deposit) We bought our first house at 19.5yrs old - it was a 3bed detached in a very nice area. We were able to do that because I was the budgeting one and I was used to half my income not being spending money. So we lived on just my income and saved DH's. We could afford some treats like this too. I believe it benefited me and I am brilliant at budgeting.

Mom had apparently read an article when my eldest brother was a teenager - he's now 36 - so quite a while back, that said to raise children capable of budgeting and living independently you should make them pay a third in "keep", save a third and have a third to spend. Mom agreed with the idea but felt a third in keep and a third in savings was too much so settled on a quarter.

I have quite a few friends who paid a quarter to their parents for living there. The ones who did this seem to have, in general, made more for themselves (better jobs, happier, in good relationships, better at budgeting, moved out and got nice places), than the ones who didn't.

Original poster

Unacceptable · 09/07/2015 19:45

To answer some poster's questions:

Not in education, eats like you wouldn't believe, has no concept of energy/water saving measures and we do pay for toiletries etc.

I'm not going to lie, we would struggle if we didn't take any keep but I don't want to factor that into the decision. We wouldn't have difficulty paying for essentials but to be honest we already run close to the wire.

As some other posters have touched on I do want my DC to have some incentive to leave home one day and think they are unlikely to do so if their entire income can be frittered away.

All that being said, I do feel a bit mean, but HighwayDragon made me feel better

OP posts:

ChillySundays · 09/07/2015 23:07

£30 a week on an average of £190 take home. Absolutely bargain as that is for everything including washing and ironing

RedandYellow24 · 09/07/2015 23:12

If your struggle to keep an adult child at home and they have income coming in if only benefits then of course it's not unreasonable for them to pay their share. Even if he just pays for his own food that would probable take most of his JSA by the sounds of it.

RedandYellow24 · 09/07/2015 23:14

Charge him the extra so just food and toiletries if that's what you provide. Let's not mention the extra cost of bills. Benefits are to pay your way as an adult not pocket money so your parents have to keep you even if they atruggling

JaceLancs · 09/07/2015 23:30

Charge £150pcm here plus 25% of council tax as if I lived on my own would not have to pay full council tax
I sometimes ask DD for less as she works shifts and stays over with her BF so often not in for many meals
DS buys own lunches and will buy other bits of food if he sees something he fancies on reduced counter or a takeaway
We all have allocated chores and do our own ironing - I'm happy to do bulk of washing but only if put in correct place and expect them to put it away

Original poster

Unacceptable · 09/07/2015 23:43

I'm not sure what your point is Redandyellow we'd be in a different situation if he was receiving benefits and would make different allowances. I'm trying to work out an appropriate amount for DC to contribute from an earned wage

OP posts:

Hairylegs007 · 09/07/2015 23:45

I would probably day £30. Then also rota him in for a daily chore - cooking, ironing etc

GiddyOnZackHunt · 09/07/2015 23:52

When I went home after uni many years ago my family was in a financial crisis. I paid 25% of my earnings into the pot. I was temping so it was irregular but I worked hard. I also had to pay off my overdraft and a small loan from a family member so for about 6 months I kept 25% of my earnings.
I didn't feel robbed and had my self respect plus my extended family respected me

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 10/07/2015 05:18

This is really interesting as we are having the same debate. Ds hss just left school, and got a job. It's minimum wage so it works out at just under Â£200 pw.

We live in an expensive area, so a room in a house share is around Â£500pw upwards. Clearly that's out of the question for him, so he'll be at home for a while. We don't need to charge him rent, but I strongly feel we should in order to make him realise the costs involved.

I really like the idea of charging 25% and insisting he saves 25%. That would feel fair. And it would go some way to paying the massive water bil he runs up every tkme he has a shower

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