Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is a quarter of an adult dependants income too much for them to contribute to the household?

57 replies

Unacceptable · 09/07/2015 17:15

How much money is appropriate to take as 'keep'?
We're thinking maybe a quarter of income up to a maximum of £50 but is that unfair?

Certainly if DS was earning a pittance he'd consider 1/4 to be too much but if he was earning a lot £50 would be a lot less than he'd pay out if he rented a flat.
He would then be able to put money away towards a house deposit or whatever.

We're torn between wanting them to be prepared for the expense of independent living while contributing towards the enormous food shopping bill and wanting them to enjoy their money before they have to live in the real world.

What do you charge?

OP posts:
Greenrememberedhills · 10/07/2015 06:51

I think it is important to take keep regardless of your circumstances. It is part of adult life. Adults should think of themselves as contributors.

The amount is tricky as it depends on income but about £50 seems reasonable. I wouldn't pay for things such as sky sport if I didn't need them myself.

merrymouse · 10/07/2015 06:58

If you don't need the money but just want your child to appreciate the cost of living, you can always save it on their behalf.

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 10/07/2015 07:37

How much is he earning?

I think it's crazy that you are paying for his toiletries, and he should be contributing to the food bill.

For the rest of it, it depends why he's at home. Does he have a plan to move out, or is he very comfortable and wants to stay where he is?

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 10/07/2015 07:45

My eldest is paying full keep out of his wages, my youngest pays £10 a week at the moment out of his JSA, which is around 20% I think.

Janette123 · 10/07/2015 08:20

If an adult dependent is on the minimum wage they should still be coming home with about £200 a week, so £200 pcm is reasonable. They should also be doing their own laundry (although not buying the powder etc) and keeping their rooms tidy, cutting the grass etc.
I'm a great believer in not not making it too comfortable for them as having kids around that have "failed to launch" can be very frustrating.

madmother1 · 10/07/2015 08:54

My son pays a 1/4. He sometimes teases me about it, but most of his non-paying friends, use their spare cash etc on expensive nights out and living the life of riley with absolute no intention of leaving home. Incidentally, some parents are still paying for their adult kids mobile phone contracts!! Once your child is an adult, they need to pay their way and not take advantage, otherwise they are in for a huge shock, when they leave home.

madmother1 · 10/07/2015 08:55

Actually it's a 5th of his salary!!! Maths was never my strong point.

Fleurchamp · 10/07/2015 09:09

My mum (single parent) asked me and my sister to hand over a third of our take home pay - I am going back a bit but my first graduate job brought in about £900 a month.

Out of that I also had £100 travel costs so I had about £500 per month left - plenty to go out and buy clothes plus save some money myself.

Unbeknownst to us my mum would save half of our "keep" and gave it to us towards the deposit for our first homes.

We worked very much as a team though - even when I had a Saturday job I handed over about £5 per week - my mum really struggled to keep us afloat when my dad left.

I never begrudged handing it over and I do believe it has set me up well in life.

muminhants1 · 10/07/2015 09:15

When I was a student and had a holiday job I was earning something like £140 a week. I think my mum asked me for £20 a week.

If you are going to take 1/4, then make 1/4 out of taxed income, rather than gross (assuming they earn enough to pay tax and NI).

NickyEds · 10/07/2015 10:22

I think a quarter of income is very fair (I wouldn't even have the proviso of up to £50- just 25%). I really don't know of many adults who only spend 25% of their income on housing/bill/food. I'd also expect him to stump up for anything extra like sky/borrowing cars etc if it was just for him. Toiletries- of course he should get these for himself! Same with food outside the normal family budget. It's not being mean it's giving them a small taster of the reality of living independently! For what it's worth when I went to Uni my (catered) halls bill came to about 60% of my income (grant+loan+job) for 34 (?ish) weeks a year and my dad still took a keep whilst i was home in the holidays.

IslaMann · 10/07/2015 11:57

Looks like I'm going to be in the minority here. My DS is going to uni in our home town. This year he's getting a maintenance grant of £383 per month which doesn't cover the rent for halls. So he's staying home, we have given him a choice of either paying us £300 which includes food, washing powder etc, or £200 but he buys his own food etc. he also has a part time job which pays him approx £350a month so he won't be broke. He will be better off than if he were to live in halls or digs.
I am losing both child maintenance and child benefit so am simply breaking even by charging him this amount.

bereal7 · 10/07/2015 12:53

I am losing both child maintenance and child benefit so am simply breaking even by charging him this amount.

Shock wow

diddl · 10/07/2015 12:58

The rule for us was pay a third to parents, save a third & have a third to spend.

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 10/07/2015 13:21

Isla is your son's father not helping to support him while he is at university?

Going to university is more expensive than having a teenager at home - even in the days before fees it cost my parents much more to 'keep' me away from home than it did when I was doing my A levels.

Original poster
Unacceptable · 10/07/2015 19:37

Thank you very much for all the input.
We have told him we expect 25%
He isn't delighted as, apparently, not one of his friends pay any keep (and a fair few have parents who pay for their phone contracts etc!!) But That's the decision made now and he has set up a standing order.
Again, thank you for the posts, they helped us decide that we were being fair enough.

OP posts:
Custardcream14 · 10/07/2015 19:46

Ali, why does it cost parents anything to have children at uni? :s

workingdilemma · 10/07/2015 20:42

Never paid a thing to my parents whilst at home. I didn't need to be taught to budget as have always been very good with money - in fact I manage their money and saved them heaps on their mortgage repayments through switching to an offset and putting my savings against it (thus denying myself interest for a bit - I guess that was my payment. They then got rid of it sharpish). I'm even more frugal then they are in some ways.

They certainly didn't need the money (hell, they didn't need the mortgage but we could arbitrage it as stated) due to aforementioned frugality - it would have effectively been just adding to a future inheritance tax bill at the time!

I think though if you do need the money, and your kid has no concept of budgeting, then it's fine to take a bit from them.

SocksRock · 10/07/2015 20:45

My Mum asked for a third. We were expected to save a third and have fun with the rest. She did provide all food and toiletries (within reason - supermarket shop type, not designer stuff). So the third for fun really was just for fun.

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 10/07/2015 21:06

custard is that a trick question?

Rent/hall costs, food, books, clothes, travel.

IslaMann · 14/07/2015 15:07

Ali, no his dad has effectively washed his hands of him now he's finished school, and his legal obligation is over.

Bereal, why the wow? I can't get through the month as it is and DS has and will continue to have more money spare than I do. Why so shocked?

19lottie82 · 14/07/2015 15:15

unless 1/4 of their income is more than 1/4 of the household bills, no.

Purplepoodle · 14/07/2015 15:49

It was third of my salary when I lived at home, then a third into savings and the rest to spend

Purplepoodle · 14/07/2015 15:52

Tbf mum saved some of money I gave her and she paid for everything inc clothes basics

Patapouf · 14/07/2015 17:20

What sort of parent takes money from their child? If it's your household than it is your responsibilty to fund household costs.
I cannot understand why anyone would take money off somebody still in full time education and if they are older and earning a low wage surely taking more than the cost difference of having them there is mean? How will they afford to move out if you confiscate portions of their wages?

Unless you plan on giving it back as a lump sum. As for teaching them to budget Hmm tell them it's time to move out and they'll soon learn for themselves.

isla your son would get an increased maintenance loan and grant if he moved out, and it sounds as if that would be better for him. That grant is supposed to help towards costs of studying, not to help you financially.

Patapouf · 14/07/2015 17:22

OP, that wasn't really directed at you as your son is working rather than studying. But 25% of his salary seems very high, does he really eat that much extra food?