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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DD1 at home for her birthday?

81 replies

Esmesgirls · 09/07/2015 14:26

DD1 is currently away at school, due to come home next week and be here for her birthday for the first time in five years! She will also finally get to meet 3week old DD3 and I've been looking forward to it for weeks, especially as due to being me very pregnant, DH having to be away and DD2 having to go into hospital with a fractured arm, she couldn't come back for half term.
However, she called me this morning full of excitement as she and a group of friends are asking to go back to a friend's house straight after finishing school for a week. I understand why she wants to go, and know that all of these friends are lovely girls.
AIBU to ask her to come home? I haven't seen her since May and want her to meet DD3 as soon as she can, as well as the fact it's her big 16th birthday, and due to the school calendar, I know she won't be able to be here for the next two, 17 and 18. I really want her to be happy- am I being selfish or PFB?

OP posts:
PeppermintPasty · 09/07/2015 16:20

Well, we will have to agree to differ Teabag. I think it is a little disingenuous to suggest that no one on this thread has judged the op for sending her dd to boarding school in the first place.

DixieNormas · 09/07/2015 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 09/07/2015 17:17

Let her enjoy time with her friends, she's sixteen, summer is long and babies are boring :o

geekymommy · 09/07/2015 17:49

I had a friend who was really interested in babies as a teenager. She ended up getting pregnant while in high school, I strongly suspect deliberately. A 16 year old being indifferent to babies isn't entirely a bad thing.

elastamum · 09/07/2015 18:04

I would let her go. but I feel for you OP. Boarding school makes teens independent in a good way, but it is galling when they then decide that they don't need to see you as much as you would like. (Got one of these myself). I guess you just have to bite your lip and be thankful she is happy and enjoying life. She will come home I'm sure and be really pleased to see you, and then you can arrange a special family celebration then. Smile

answersonapostcardplease · 09/07/2015 18:14

Totally normal for 16 year old to chooses friends over family especially Paris. Its not a bad thing that shes not interested in babies!
It would make no difference if she lived at home, I suspect.

I don't get the half term thing but I guess it makes sense to you.

Leeds2 · 09/07/2015 19:08

I don't think you are at all unreasonable for wanting your DD home on her birthday. I also don't think DD is unreasonable for wanting to go to Paris with her friends, but I would be disappointed that she didn't want to see her new sister instead. I know it is difficult with a newborn, but could you have a birthday meal with her dad to remember the day, and then something with DD when she gets back?

Original poster
Esmesgirls · 09/07/2015 19:34

I've just texted her to tell her that I'd love her to go to Paris, and I can'tw ait to see the pictures when she's home. The day she gets back we're all going to lunch- in the morning DH is taking her to choose a new violin as a birthday present and I am taking her to have a spa afternoon. In the evening we have MIL dropping by to see her, and then look after the two little ones while we go and see West Side Story at the palace theatre in Manchester- so perhaps I'll need a week to ready myself for it all! She is having a necklace that belonged to my mum for her birthday this year and we plan to give it to her to wear for the theatre. Thank you all for the advice!

OP posts:
Summerisle1 · 09/07/2015 19:45

I went to boarding school. I wouldn't say I was disassociated from home but I would say that I'd have hated to be dragged home from an exciting trip to Paris just to celebrate a birthday. Especially if this really was for my dm's convenience. I liked boarding school and I certainly didn't resent going at all. But boarding school makes you very independent (you wouldn't survive it otherwise) so I do think that parents have to cope with the consequences of encouraging that independence.

It's only a week. You can have a lovely reunion and celebration when she gets back.

Summerisle1 · 09/07/2015 19:45

Sorry, OP. X-posted there! Sounds like you have it all beautifully planned now!

Buttercup27 · 09/07/2015 19:46

Sounds like lovely plans , but will she not be too tired the day she gets back (with travelling etc) Maybe the next day would be better.

Original poster
Esmesgirls · 09/07/2015 20:30

It is the next day, sorry, buttercup, thought I'd put that!

OP posts:
MayPolist · 09/07/2015 20:54

You sacked her off at half term, now you are getting a taste of your own medicine.

Buttercup27 · 09/07/2015 20:58

Sounds like she'll have great celebrations with both her friends and family.
Have a great day!

ASettlerOfCatan · 09/07/2015 21:03

I would tell her you would love her home but let her choose. She is 16 and old enough to make that choice herself.

ASettlerOfCatan · 09/07/2015 21:04

Cross posted as well. Sounds like she will have a fantastic time.

Dancingqueen17 · 09/07/2015 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Finallyonboard · 09/07/2015 21:23

You rejected her at half term - she's rejecting time with you! It seems unreasonable for you to now stamp your authority and not let her go.

Original poster
Esmesgirls · 09/07/2015 21:33

To everyone talking about half term, do you really think I wanted to miss out on seeing my daughter? If having to leave my three year old in hospital, drive to France while 38 weeks pregnant and then back to Cheshire was at all possible, I'd have done it. However, DD1 understood the situation, and had a fabulous time staying with two of her best friends. The main thing she was concerned about was whether DD2 was going to be alright, and her baby sister.

OP posts:
ConferencePear · 09/07/2015 21:48

In our family we can only realistically get together at weekends so we've followed the Queen's example and people have "official" birthdays as close as they can to their real ones. It works well for us - maybe you could try something similar.

SenecaFalls · 09/07/2015 21:57

The OP has explained the half-term business.

You sound like a loving parent, OP. And a very reasonable one. Flowers

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 09/07/2015 22:11

Sounds like much fun is to be had. Excellent times :o

PeppermintPasty · 09/07/2015 22:12

Agreed. Why are some people being so catty?

Don't answer that.

hackneylady · 09/07/2015 22:20

It's not catty to ask about half term, and it is relevant. If her presence with the family isn't guaranteed when she might have expected it - for whatever understandable reasons - then it's going to loosen the ties a bit and make her feel that showing up is optional.

moreshitandnofuckingredemption · 09/07/2015 22:32

OP did you name DD2 in your last post? If you report it, you can ask HQ to edit it.