I am a sahm, my DH works full time in a job he enjoys and is reasonably well paid. We have a comfortable but not lavish lifestyle. We have two small DC and I became a sahp after the birth of our first child a few years ago. The plan is for me to go back to work at least part time when my youngest is in school. This was a joint decision and one that we are both happy with. I get to be with the children whilst they're young, and he can relax and concentrate on work because he has no stress at home.
We have joint finances, all money is family money. My DH is perfect in this respect and never makes me feel in any way beholden to him because he is earning money and I am not. I've always worked, since i was 16, i funded myself through higher education, and it was a big deal for me to leave work and put myself in the vulnerable position of depending upon someone else to support me financially. My DH knows this, and has taken care to be sensitive and respectful about it.
I manage the family finances including the joint account, and our children's savings accounts, whilst my dh and i both have personal accounts for what you could call 'disposable income'. Our savings account (which doesn't have very much in it at the moment) is in my DH's name, not for any particular reason, this is just how it was and we never changed it.
Anyway, to the point of my thread, sorry its long - didn't want to drip feed.
I have an account that he doesn't know about. Its just a little savings account with a few hundred quid in it. Whenever i come into a bit of money that i don't spend - for example i had a recent birthday and was given some cash by my parents, i pop some aside into this account. I've been doing this for a year or so, and at first there was no point mentioning it to DH as it wasn't worth it, but the more money i have in there, the more i wonder if i'm being really deceitful by not telling him? We don't need the money for anything, and i started off by telling myself that it wasn't important, but i think if i'm honest with myself, its my way of retaining some financial independence. As happy as my marriage is, i've read a lot of horror stories on here about awful things that can happen to sahp's in the event of a breakup, so i think i may be creating a bit of an insurance policy for myself? I'm, starting to feel less and less comfortable with it, and thinking that i should tell him? As far as i'm aware he doesn't have any money that i don't know about, and we don't have any other secrets in our relationship. We're very open with each other, which is why this is quite unusual.
Typing this all out, i'm ready to concede that i am being totally unreasonable, but i'm interested to see what my fellow Mumsnetters think? And also, a part of me is really reluctant to give up this little account as its become a bit of a comfort blanket knowing I have that money there.
So - AIBU? Do any of you have a 'secret' accounts, and if so, what should i do/what would you do?
AIBU?
to keep a secret account
Bullshitbingo · 06/07/2015 10:17
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
YANBU to have a separate account. YABU to keep it secret and to think it OK for all HH savings to be in DH sole name.
Separate individual savings accounts of roughly equal amounts give you both running away funds and can be more effective for financial planning. They would also give a bit more flexibility to separate finances in the event of divorce or death. Also you should consider making payments into a pension in your name even though you are not working.
We also maintain separate CD collections after 23 years but that is possibly carrying matters too far. 
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.