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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for the perks of living alone

124 replies

FunFunFunFun · 05/07/2015 18:18

Soon I will live alone for the first time in my life (I'm 33). The prospect is daunting and I fear I will be crippled by loneliness. (Sounds dramatic and unhealthy I know).

So, what are the best parts of living alone? Let's put a positive spin on my predicament.

OP posts:
sashh · 06/07/2015 03:54

It's nearly 4 am, I have comedy on you tube and I'm on here.

I may go to bed, I may not - but no one will care.

There is nothing in the fridge I don't like, nothing in the cupboard I don't want and I can rearrange the furniture anytime.

Iwantacampervan · 06/07/2015 07:22

I have lived on my own away from my family and didn't realise the advantages of being able to eat what and when I like. However, unless I had things planned the weekends could get a little lonely as other friends would be with their families - but I could just get away for a weekend/ night if I wanted.

sashh · 06/07/2015 08:11

If my DP dictated what and when I ate or what I watched or listened to etc I wouldn't want to be with him.

It's not necessarily dictating. I have a friend who doesn't eat meat with bones in it or fish, so if we get KFC we don't get the bargain bucket. If I'm cooking dinner it will change what I cook, so the last time she came I cooked a 5 course meal, she had a vegi option instead of the fish course.

whois · 06/07/2015 08:26

Everything is just as you like it:
Bed softness
Type of duvet
Bedroom temperature and light levels
Eat when and what you want
Get up and go to bed exactly as you like to
Be as messy or as tidy as you want to, as clean or as dirty.

Lot of benefits to living alone.

Turtlefeet · 06/07/2015 08:30

No one elses mess and noise.

Do what you want when you want.

You can put something down,walk away and know it will still be there when you go back for it.

You choose how the place looks.

Oh its endless!

SteveBrucesNose · 06/07/2015 08:36

Can I raise a lighthearted downside?

It's the same as the positive that many people have mentioned: there's no one else to make mess in Your space.

This means, when you get impromptu visitors, they know its you who's the scruffy git as there's nobody else to pin the blame on!

On the positive side, if you want to be a grouchy fucker, there's nobody to a) ask what's wrong and what they can do to help constantly, b) think it's their fault, c) silently judge you when you're grouchy for the simple reason that someone nicked your favourite red plastic 10p pen off your desk, or d) sulk back at you all negative reactions were twatfaced ex, not DH by the way

If you don't fancy going somewhere and say you have plans elsewhere that night, there's nobody to accidentally drop you in it and say later on, all confused, 'but we didn't go to the cinema this week??' When you have that excuse for not going flower arranging with someone you don't really like. Nobody knows where you are, so you can use any excuse you like.

Getting hooked on TV shows that are only on at 1am

Having a kip when you get in from work and nobody knowing you're a lazy fucker. Although this was probably linked to the point above it.

When you're skint and/or don't really fancy going out, there's nobody else to consider when you say to a friend to just bring a bottle of wine round and watch shit TV.

BiddyPop · 06/07/2015 09:03

I have never had a time living alone. In the past couple of years, it is something I have pondered closely for myself.

Choosing food I want. Knowing it's there in the fridge/cupboard.
Deciding not to eat it today but tomorrow instead if I am not hungry.
Not working around lots of other schedules in terms of when and what I eat.

Keeping the house clean.
Shopping when I want not around other schedules and getting stuck in the peak hours of madness.
Getting to go clothes shopping and actually think about what I like not grabbing essentials that fit but look awful.

Taking time to do my own maintenance routines - beauty, hair, fitness etc.

Enjoying my books and crafts again.
Enjoying cooking.
Getting time in my garden.
Picking my own programmes on tv.
Going to the cinema occasionally, and getting to pick the movie.
Nobody "borrowing" my iPad or computer etc, and me never getting them back or all the settings messed up.

Having the car back to myself and getting a car that I like.

There are lots I'd miss if that happened.

But there are so many things to tempt me at times.....

Millionprammiles · 06/07/2015 10:59

The only house guests are the ones you choose to invite. You won't be extremely grumpy on a Monday having spent the weekend scivying for ungrateful in-laws (as an example).

happybubblebrain · 06/07/2015 21:25

I had a friend staying this weekend which was nice ..... BUT ..... two days living with someone else is enough to remind me exactly why I love living alone. Other people take up lots of space and time and energy.

Gruntfuttock · 06/07/2015 22:08

rumbleinthrjungle "Have whatever music on you like as loud as you like"

I lived alone from 16 until my mid 30s, but I never did that. That's what headphones are for. I may have been living alone, but I still had neighbours to consider. Did you live in the middle of nowhere with no other dwellings nearby or simply not care about neighbours?

oddfodd · 06/07/2015 22:13

I can't imagine ever living with someone else again. You can be entirely selfish and you never have to take anyone else's needs or wishes into consideration. It's ace.

I do have DC but I'm the boss :o

LHReturns · 06/07/2015 22:21

Walking into a totally empty and silent house.....aaaaaaaaaagh I miss it so much. Calm, control, organisation. Slobbery on weekends and no one could see.

I managed for 38 years on my own, and then HAD to move in with my DP because we had a baby...I still fantasise about moving back into my single girl flat around the corner. Living alone is the BEST.

annandale · 06/07/2015 22:26

OMFG I would live alone again in a heartbeat. Coming home from work at 5.15 on a Friday, picking up a book and reading until 8.45am on Monday, interspersed with sleeping. And sleeping - bed to myself, light on and reading while you feel like it, light off and wanking when you feel like it so you drop off immediately, turn the light on if you wake up and do anything you want to.

I used to set the alarm and wake up early on Saturday just so that I could enjoy more hours DOING WHAT THE HELL I WANTED TO DO. Usually involving trips to the library for more books, and a good trawl round the charity shops, plus listening to obscure World Service programmes. And baths. And maybe going to the movies solo.

jay55 · 06/07/2015 22:59

Living to your own standards of cleanliness and tidyness.
Whatever you put in the fridge is still there when you want it (it might not be in date but it's there).

frankie001 · 06/07/2015 23:00

I spent 90? of my time naked, I can and do eat ice cream for breakfast, I can spend all day in bed if I want to, don't have to think of anyone else when shopping, watching TV, or making plans. I love it.

Scuttlebutter · 06/07/2015 23:32

I lived alone mostly from age 19 into my 30s when I married DH. The majority of my friends are single (either through being widowed or not marrying). I LOVED living alone, and if anything ever happens to DH I wouldn't want to remarry. I was certainly not lonely - had a great network of friends, lots of activities and plenty going on. When I look at most of my single friends the same is true - they are busy people with fantastic friendships, rich, rewarding hobbies and lots of community activities e.g. voluntary work, church activities, school governorship etc. I honestly think that living alone and being happy so, made me a better spouse. DH works away a lot and although I miss him when he's gone, I slip straight back into solo mode when he's away, and it's fine.

slixlix · 07/07/2015 13:00

I'm surprised at some of the downsides that people see to having DPs around, like what I have.

OK, it was different when the DC were little, but now they are out visiting friends/ living away a lot of the time. But now ...

Going to the cinema/theatre/whatever whenever you want? I've never found it a problem. If DH wants to come with me he can, if not, no problem.

Being able to eat crap if you can't be bothered to cook a proper meal? Well, just do it, DH/DC are perfectly capable of knocking something up.

Wandering around naked? Just do it. Although it worked out less well one evening when DS1 came home with his new girlfriend (we'd never met her) to find his parents starkers, the wrong side of several bottles of wine, sprawled in front of the telly, watching some soft-porn film we'd found Blush DH in a quite obvious state of excitement Wink Anyway she seemed a good sport, introduced herself and carried on like this happened to her all the time. They are still going out three months later.

Having to have stuff you don't want on the telly? A second set in the bed room is not too expensive nowadays.

You just have to go for what you want and make a few allowances Grin

aquashiv · 07/07/2015 13:07

To be able to change your mind and the world wont end you don't have to explain your self or give umpteenth reasons why.
,

RedKite1985 · 07/07/2015 13:08

I lived on my own for about 3 years before I met DP. I wont pretend I didn't get lonely sometimes but it was rare. It's awesome being able to do whatever you like.

I often reminisce about those times. Getting in drunk whatever time you want, waking up whatever time you want. Being able to spend more money on nicer food as you buy smaller quantities. Singing and dancing around the house. Make the most of it!

MissShunImpossible · 07/07/2015 13:20

omg slixlix Blush Grin that was a baptism of fire for her.

A lot depends on the spin you put on it (is it so silent and lonely, or lovely and peaceful?).

IME the thing to do is treat yourself as a good friend. So in the evening, making the living room look nice, side lamps, cup of tea and a good book within reach. Decide on a film you'd like to watch and settle yourself down comfortably, don't just watch shit on the TV. Have nice food in - I couldn't be arsed with making myself a stroganoff for one, for example, but having some nice bread, cheese and crispy salad in is a treat you can give yourself whenever you want!

I loved not having to live to anyone else's timetable. It was much easier to be impromptu.

chrome100 · 07/07/2015 14:13

I am not sure it counts if you live with a child! You're hardly living alone.

vienna1981 · 07/07/2015 14:13

The good thing about living alone is, in summary, having complete control. I went from living with my parents to living in my own flat which I still have fifteen years later. I have never house - shared or lived with a girlfriend. After all this time that might prove attractive but I think I would find it hard to adjust to considering another person.

suzannecanthecan · 07/07/2015 15:04

the perks?
it's all perk as far as I'm concerned
I cant think of a single downside
love the freedom, the peace and quiet, beholden to no-one, it's uninterrupted, wall to wall, 24/7 BLISS

wild horses wouldn't make me co habit again

vienna1981 · 07/07/2015 21:32

Having said what I have said, I get terribly lonely at times and I wonder how the 'other half' live.

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