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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for the perks of living alone

124 replies

FunFunFunFun · 05/07/2015 18:18

Soon I will live alone for the first time in my life (I'm 33). The prospect is daunting and I fear I will be crippled by loneliness. (Sounds dramatic and unhealthy I know).

So, what are the best parts of living alone? Let's put a positive spin on my predicament.

OP posts:
Fluffyears · 05/07/2015 19:35

Oh and no more formulafuckingone or skysports shite always on. No more men in reply chuntering on about football....mind you who'd sort out my technology stuffs?

ghostyslovesheep · 05/07/2015 19:36

the only other human I have lived with (apart from small ones) was my ex - I managed 9 years of that - other wise from 17 to 45 I have lived alone

I actually think it's my natural state - I wasn't made to share my space with another adult

I LOVE it - I don't get lonely - if I want company I arrange it

Enjoy op x

Angeale · 05/07/2015 19:38

At the risk of sounding nitpicky I do think there's a dkfference between being the only adult in the house and living alone.

Missdee2014 · 05/07/2015 19:39

Permanently tidy house.

grovel · 05/07/2015 19:40

Or permanently untidy house. Your call.

Pumpkinpositive · 05/07/2015 19:42

Or permanently untidy house. Your call.

i have 4 horrible, temperamental, diva parrots so I fall into the latter camp.

A tidy house is a dim but pleasant memory. Grin

ipswichwitch · 05/07/2015 19:43

First thing I did when exP buggered off was decorate the bedroom exactly how I wanted - we had disagreed many times on that because he didn't like what I liked. That felt good!

The spare bedroom was tackled next. It had been his home office and I made it my dressing/reading room.

I loved living alone because I could live in exactly the way I wanted. No compromises, no arguing about decorating/housework/whose turn it was to cook. That chocolate I bought 3 days ago would still be there (unless I ate it of course :) )

Like a pp said, I fantasise occasionally about DH taking the DC away for a week and leaving me to it. I do still crave time alone. I love my DH an DC's and wouldn't want to be without them, but I did enjoy living alone and know I would be fine if I had to again.

Eebahgum · 05/07/2015 19:48

I was the opposite of you - lived on my own until about 33 then moved in with dp. Don't think I can add anything to the list of pros - there are lots though, as other posters have mentioned. I can't say you'll never get lonely - but I would say it's rare. I felt it mainly at weekends - I tried to arrange stuff to do with people and always said yes to invitations (don't assume people are just "being nice"). If I had a full weekend by myself I'd still try to plan stuff to do by myself rather than float through the weekend doing nothing - such as buying a new book and reading it, getting a film & a bottle of wine, going shopping. If that didn't work and I still felt lonely I'd ring people for a chat. On the whole I'd say living on my own I had a better social life & was better at keeping in touch with people I couldn't see regularly. Oh and my house looked 100% better than it does now.

Drquin · 05/07/2015 19:48

Learn to differentiate between "loneliness" and "living alone".
I've done both as an adult, and you can feel the most lonely in the busiest of flat shares.

Loneliness, sadly, won't disappear if you live with someone.

On the plus side, everything mentioned above - the autonomy, the choices are yours, no compromises without feeling selfish or guilty. Whether that's serious stuff like money or mortgages, or the frivolous stuff like which way around the toilet roll goes or whether to have rice crispier for dinner!

Eebahgum · 05/07/2015 19:48

Ps and I got a cat - she helped the house feel less "empty".

EmpressKnowsWhereHerTowelIs · 05/07/2015 19:50

If there are children in the house you're not living alone, surely?

rumbleinthrjungle · 05/07/2015 19:51

Love it.

Have whatever music on you like as loud as you like and create your own mood without anyone else's mood impinging - whether calm or noisy and upbeat. Add to that the ability to have silence in the house at will. Love that one!

Walking away from the washing up if you don't feel like it - it's only a few dishes anyway with just you - and having a long soak in the bath instead. You can dominate the bathroom until the cows come home.

Read or watch films or go out for a walk all night if you want to... Or have an early night and get up on your own schedule.

Cook and eat what you fancy when you fancy it. No set mealtimes.

Turn your living space into your perfect space - your colours, your textures, space used as you like to use it. I ditched the dining room table and put a sofa there instead by the sunniest window in the house.

Athenaviolet · 05/07/2015 19:52

These kind of threads make me depressed about the kinds of relationships other people are in.

If my DP dictated what and when I ate or what I watched or listened to etc I wouldn't want to be with him.

The thing I do miss about living alone is my things always being where I left them.

Icelandicsuperyoghurt · 05/07/2015 19:54

YY to everything everyone has said so far! I was married for 23 years and when i divorced my ex when I was 46 I'd, never lived on my own! I have been on my tod for 6 years now and still, when I walk in to my flat, think "YES!!!!!" I love it! I have lots of friends and am not short of company, but a place to mtself has become something I treasure. I was far far lonelier when I was married. Good luck and I hope you find you soon start to enjoy your new found space and being able to do what you want when you want.

BestIsWest · 05/07/2015 19:56

The TV being OFF.

butterfly133 · 05/07/2015 19:59

OMD it's flipping brilliant. If it's any consolation, I first lived alone at c28, 26, can't quite recall. I was a very sociable person and many expressed concern at my idea. I was concerned too, tbh, but it had to be done.

Anyhoo, the first week I was so busy I barely even registered that I was on my own except to note that it had flown by.

by the end of a month, I thought "how the hell can I give this up?" It's fantastic. You live however suits you! It's great. You can have visitors whenever you like, you have all the space to yourself, you have peace and quiet whenever you like. When you get home after a crap day, your rage goes away because all you have to do is something that makes you cheer up! It's so fun!

Music choice all yours, no other people bringing friends round or making a racket. Total autonomy. Fab.

I don't want to intimidate you but as it sounds like you are already worried, I will say this. Make sure there's food in the freezer for everything from when you have a cold and can't face going out, or just when you've been socialising too much and run out of food! Also make sure there's basic medicines in the house because it's annoying to find yourself with a shocker of a headache and have no one to send out for pills.

but tbh this is stuff I do anyway even living with someone so it doesn't intimidate me or feel like a chore.

DepthFirstSearch · 05/07/2015 19:59

OMG I loved living alone. I bought and decorated my own flat, I pursued my own interests without having to take anyone else in consideration, yes to the long baths with a glass of wine and a book, a general sense of freedom. I just got married and am very happy and DH is really easy to live with, but I'm very happy that I had the chance to live on my own for so many years before this. I really got to know myself well.

Handywoman · 05/07/2015 20:10

Oh yes. The telly = off = Bliss!

And not having to eat three meals a day (not my thing it seems - am a bit of a grazer - sometimes my 'dinner' is a family-size block of Aero!)

I share my bed with my Jack Russell who snores a lot less and takes up less room!

I live with my two dc and absolutely love it.

FunFunFunFun · 05/07/2015 20:21

privately rent so no real say on your home

That'll be me too.

OP posts:
chrome100 · 05/07/2015 20:23

I lived alone for a few years. I didn't really like it and went out every night which was expensive and tiring. However, I think it was because I lived in a one room studio flat so if I had a night in I would spend it staring at the walls as I had no TV, no sofa and no bed! (I slept on the floor).

Now I live with my DP so not alone, however he often works away. I do really like being by myself in our 2 bed flat when he's away as I'm an early riser and don't have to creep around in the mornings.

JasmineBuckles · 05/07/2015 20:25

Only cooking if you feel like it. I'm about to live on my own after a long time of catering for three adults and a child (long story). I cannot wait to give up thinking about what's for tea from about 3pm.
Going to bed at 8.30 without anyone asking if you're alright. Going to bed at 3am without anyone asking if you're alright.
Quiet. Lovely, lovely quiet.
Reading a lot.

I have a job where I have to socialise with people all day, and I'm a huge introvert, so I can't wait for some downtime.

everynameseemstobetaken · 05/07/2015 20:53

Love this thread. I lived alone for six years. Have been living with my partner for six months and have asked him to move back out. I'm not sure if he is slightly controlling, or if purely having to take someone else into consideration makes me feel controlled! I can't wait for it just to be me and my little herd of pets again.

I'll be able to go to bed when I want without a worried face asking if I'm okay, or being followed to bed. No snoring alongside me, I can get up in the night or early in the morning and take coffee back to bed without worrying about disturbing anyone. No feeling too embarrassed to watch my trashy tv anymore. Eating what I want when I want instead of incessant 'proper' meals, not having someone else setting ground rules for where my pets eat and sleep...

Living alone is amazing. I will never live with anyone again.

fastdaytears · 05/07/2015 21:27

I thought I'd hate it but really haven't. Best bits are not having to tidy up after anyone else (or yourself unless you want to) and weeing with the door open. You do have to remind yourself not to when you have guests though.
OP, I really hope you enjoy the peace and use this as a time to figure out what you want and put yourself first.

crustsaway · 05/07/2015 21:30

No horrible man habits (boak)

Not being with a man doesnt mean you have to live alone.

I already have a plan to live with my two best girl friends like the old TV show "The Golden Girls" how perfect.

downgraded · 05/07/2015 21:31

God I LOVE it!

I will never, ever live with anyone again, even if Prince Charming knocks on the door tomorrow.

I make ALL household decisions. I defer to no man or beast.
I watch what I like on TV.
I can MN all night if I want
My beer stays in the fridge until I drink it
Ditto chocolate
I do all jobs myself, which means I never have to get cross at anyone for not pulling their weight
I can have long luxurious baths without anyone coming in to use the loo and stinking up the bathroom
If I clean, it stays clean
If I wash, it stays washed until I wear it. Ditto ironing.
No one talks through films.

There is literally nothing not to like. Enjoy! WineWine