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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am very cross. Mil has told ds I am pregnant.

52 replies

SweetCharlotteRose · 05/07/2015 17:22

I'm only 9 weeks. Ds is 6. I wanted him to hear it from us and not until I was a bit further on and had had my scan.
I wasn't there but apparently ds was asking for an ice lolly and she said something along the lines of (according to dh), 'you'll have to learn to wait a minute when mummy has her baby.'

We've been trying for this baby for three years. Aibu to have wanted to tell ds myself with dh?! I didn't want to make it a particularly big deal of it either as am aware ds has been an only for a long time and is not especially thrilled with the news. I wanted to frame it as 'our baby' not 'mummy's baby.'

Now ds knows earlier than I wanted him to and if something goes wrong I've now got the additional trauma of telling him about it and worrying how he will react.
I'm really really cross.

OP posts:
Merguez · 05/07/2015 17:24

YANBU.

Was MIL aware that DS did not know?

Iggly · 05/07/2015 17:25

Yanbu. Although did she know?

Shakirasma · 05/07/2015 17:25

Had She been told that DS was unaware?

Original poster
SweetCharlotteRose · 05/07/2015 17:25

Yes!
Apparently she said it without thinking. However she has form for supposedly saying things without thinking. And she should think! It's not difficult!

OP posts:
Iggly · 05/07/2015 17:25

I mean did she know you wanted to tell ds

ShimmeringCobalt · 05/07/2015 17:25

Why does MIL know?

ollieplimsoles · 05/07/2015 17:25

Yanbu I would be furious, especially as its early days.

And she has framed it the way she has- like the baby is this thing that ds will have to alter his behaviour for.

Has mil mentioned anything about it or apologised?

CalmYoBadSelf · 05/07/2015 17:26

Did she know that DS didn't know? If you hadn't asked her to keep it to herself then she may have thought he knew and you may be BU but, if she knew that and chose to share anyway YANBU. I would probably get DH to tell her what she has done and that you are both very upset regardless

Original poster
SweetCharlotteRose · 05/07/2015 17:26

We told her we weren't telling ds until 12 weeks at least. Firstly so we knew things were more likely to work out and secondly because nine months is a long time for a 6 year old to wait for something.
I'm so annoyed.

OP posts:
Merguez · 05/07/2015 17:27

If you knew MIL has form it might have been more sensible not to tell her either.

ImperialBlether · 05/07/2015 17:28

I would keep her out of the loop if she couldn't keep her mouth shut. Why did you tell her you were pregnant?

It's a very long wait for a little boy, too, but the main thing is it wasn't her place to tell your son; it's taken something lovely away from you.

Original poster
SweetCharlotteRose · 05/07/2015 17:28

Dh wanted to tell her. I'd told my mum - partly because I've been quite sick so have needed a bit of help - so I couldn't say no really.

I haven't spoken to her about it, I'm too annoyed, dh said she just said she couldn't help it, it'd just slipped out.
Yes I'm annoyed about the inference of it too. I wanted to try and put a positive spin on it!

OP posts:
bodenbiscuit · 05/07/2015 17:28

YANBU at all

ShimmeringCobalt · 05/07/2015 17:31

Speak to her, tell her she had no business telling ds this news.

Just say plainly, I'm very annoyed that you did this. It was absolutely not your place.

Be direct.

ollieplimsoles · 05/07/2015 17:31

I also would not have told her I was pregnant. My mil is a nightmare and we kept it from her til gone 12 weeks.

But I can understand you were probably really excited and happy especially after 3 years of trying!

Did your son mention it to you and did he seem upset?

ShimmeringCobalt · 05/07/2015 17:32

News like that doesn't just slip out.

Either she has no self awareness or is just a gobshite!

YANBU

ImperialBlether · 05/07/2015 17:33

You need to tell her; don't let this fester. She needs to know the consequences of her big mouth.

Original poster
SweetCharlotteRose · 05/07/2015 17:33

He's nonplussed.
He's asked if the baby will be here for his next birthday (yes) and then if it will be here when he goes back to school in September (hopefully not!) and if it will be a boy or a girl. Then he tootled off to to do something else.

OP posts:
storytopper · 05/07/2015 17:38

Once you have calmed down a little you should speak to her and let her know how annoyed you are - this was a big thing to let "slip out".

Make it clear to your DH that due to this and other gaffes, she won't have the automatic right to be told important news at the same time as your DM.

ollieplimsoles · 05/07/2015 17:40

Aw well he seems to be ok with it and not too upset,

But she is absolutely not off the hook. I agree with pps, not ok at all for her to take that away from you and I don't think she has done it totally by accident either.

Backforthis · 05/07/2015 17:41

Remind your DH that his mother 'says things without thinking' the next time he wants to share.

Your DS sounds ok with it and I'm sure positive comments over the next few months will have much more impact than this daft one your MIL made.

SylvaniansAtEase · 05/07/2015 17:44

I think this needs to come from you.

'I am really really angry that you said that. It was absolutely not your place and you knew full well that we were not planning to tell DS yet, for several very good reasons. You totally overstepped the mark and I'm not going to be able to forget that in a hurry. Things like that don't just slip out so I'm puzzled as to your agenda, unless it was to try your best to make the baby a negative thing for DS given what you said. Don't be surprised when you're the last to hear about it next time we have any sensitive news.'

And make it quite clear to your DH that next time there's a situation like this, you do NOT expect him to defend his mother's right to know, because you won't be listening. And no, things like that don't just slip out, so he can also stop mindlessly defending her and wise up a bit.

Hissy · 05/07/2015 17:54

I'd be livid.

I think syvanian has a great approach.

DinosaursRoar · 05/07/2015 17:55

I agree it needs to come from you, calmly, that you are very upset and annoyed that she told DS.

Might also be worth finding out who else she's told.

MrsFrankRicard · 05/07/2015 17:57

YANBU, I would be fucking fizzing! You need to let her know that was unacceptable.

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